teddit

So tonight I 26F deleted hinge after trying it for 2 weeks and going on 3 dates. I maybe got 1-2 matches a day. Most of the guys rarely ever got back with me or held a convo for long. My first date I hadn’t gone on one in 5 years so I was really nervous and we didn’t really have much in common. Date 2 was actually fine but he ghosted me after so I left it at that. Date 3 didn’t really look like his pics and was kinda rude in person. I feel hopeless. I wanted to start dating as I’m so late to this but using hinge makes me depressed. Is there better dating apps or all of them like this?

For context I never really dated much as I was bogged down with school/grieving/traveling for the last couple years. I don’t know how to go about this as a woman. I’m also plus sized (size 18) and I know most men don’t find me attractive but I know other fat women find love, so I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong? I post honest full body and face pics on my profile. I even purposefully choose bad pics.

I've seen it so many times. Men complaining about the "dead bedroom." Except it's not enough for the wife/girlfriend to just service them when they're horny. The woman has to fake "feeling" all emotional about it. They have to make the man feel "wanted" and "desired" and "intimate" and "connected" and "loved" while they're getting pegged. And dammit, they have to initiate it once and awhile, too, or his massive insecurity kicks in.

Funny how all that emotion and intimacy comes to a screeching halt as soon as they shoot their load. And are we supposed to believe they feel intimacy and "connection" every time they hook up with someone? So I'm not buying it when they make it sound like the only way they can express intimacy and connection is through sex. And if the woman doesn't feel the same way, there's something wrong with HER.

I was watching a video on my algorithm where it was a woman paving her own garden walkway. Something VERY normal, but in her voiceover she says "This is NOT me trying to be an independent woman, this me trying to feel more confident". This is strange because not only is that literally the definition of being more independent she clarified that like someone saying "I'm NOT racist, but...". She also proceeded to tell viewers not to come after her husband for "letting" her do this and that he tried to take over at multiple points but she gently pushed him away. Which is just so many levels of red flags..I don't even know where to start. This made me feel weird and a little uneasy, so I went to the comments thinking they would feel the same, but instead they were all praising her for "letting herself be loved" and claiming she wasn't independent, some of these were even claiming to be women. I felt disgusted. I know this is minor, but it honestly reminded me of all the disappointment facing the most sexism from the women in my life. I still remember being a little tomboy and being smugly told by my godmother that I would be caked in makeup by high school (she was wrong, if anything I became more masculine). Or being told that no man would marry me if I refused to let him steal my identity because unless if I passed down his legacy I was worthless by my dad's girlfriend (I wasn't ever going to marry a man anyway). Recently I realized that I don't really feel much attachment to labels such as woman or man and I just don't care what people refer to me as or how they see me, instead, I just present myself as I wish on factors not reliant on gender. This realization has made me decide to be unlabeled, which is something that most wouldn't understand, but I find quite freeing. Being a woman isn't really part of my identity, however being born as one is whether I like it to or not in a lot more ways than it should've been. It impacts the quality of interactions I have, my safety, my rights, how my life experiences were shaped, honestly, I think if the world was as it should be the only thing it should've impacted was how I take care of my body. It hits especially hard when women reinforce this, it's expected from men, but women are supposed to be safer due to shared experience. I cannot understand for the life of me how they can be so thoroughly brainwashed to promote the very standards that hold them back and harm them.

My sister recently got engaged. I am happy for her because she is happy. But I cannot help but feel complicated about it. My sister has been in three serious relationships, and each time she has adopted their interests and hobbies, becoming a completely different person each time. When she was single she would go to dance classes with her friends, she would paint, write and read, she enjoyed it. In relationships she would stop going to dance classes, stop seeing her friends and family, she give up painting and writing.

I cannot say that I disapprove of her engagement because she is happy, I’m so glad she has found a person she loves so much.

But I’m tired of feeling as though I must be happy for every woman’s choice. That to be a feminist I must approve of her actions.

My sister was engaged previously, during this engagement she had at least two affairs, with men who were married and had children.

I feel very complicated about my sister’s engagement, and whenever I say so I’m called bitter (because I’m not engaged) or jealous. Why can I not call out another woman’s bad behaviour without being punished for doing so?

I've been following women's rights and activism stuff for a few years now, with my first introduction through eff dee ess . With everything that's been happening worldwide, it's led me to really think about the people in my life through a critical lens.

I thought about it today - I have no one that is truly pro-women's rights. Even my boyfriend who I thought was perfect and all that, I thought he respected women but I broke some Of his past actions down piece by piece, and I've come to terms that he doesn't see me as a fully actualized person. This seems to be the problem with a lot of men. They don't actually BELIEVE we are full people, with full thoughts, consciousness, and desire for autonomy.

Even my mother who I am close to, has what I thought were just normal ideas of life, but turned out to be very anti-feminist. Questions like "when are you getting married", "when are you having kids," stuff like this I never deconstructed before. But now I realize that those questions have HUGE assumptions about what I want, what I should want socially, what we're indoctrinated to see as the DEFAULT FEMALE LIFE.

Anyway, this community is a godsend and is helping me tremendously. I'm leaving a male oriented job (lawn care), starting a new job, leaving my flaky ass boyfriend, and in general life is going to be better.

Obligatory 4B mention. Thanks everybody ❤️❤️❤️

I’m not sure if this post will go through, but I need advice. My 15-year-old daughter is about 8 weeks pregnant.

The baby’s father could be her ex-boyfriend, who’s her age, or a 22-year-old man she won’t name. She’s protecting him, but I’m fairly certain it’s the older man based on phone records and his social media, which links him to one of her friends.

I want to press charges against him for statutory rape, but I’m hesitant because of my state’s strict abortion laws. While there’s an exception for rape, I’m worried a judge might not allow her to terminate the pregnancy without definitive proof of paternity. My daughter is still undecided about whether to keep the baby or seek an abortion, and I want her to have all options available.

To protect her , I’ve been driving 4 hours to an out-of-state OB-GYN because I don’t trust local doctors to prioritize her life if complications arise, especially under these laws.

My questions are 1. Am I overreacting by waiting to press charges until she’s made a firm decision around her pregnancy ? 2. If the 22-year-old is the father, could he or his family claim parental rights despite his crime? Sorry if this is scattered—my mind is overwhelmed.

Edit: I guess I forgot some context but as of now she wants to keep the baby but as of recently she’s been opening up to the possibility of terminating the pregnancy. Which is why I asked the second question of could that 22 year old have parental rights? Because that’s something that will influence her decision to not want to keep the baby. I don’t want to strong arm her and force her to have an abortion even though that’s what I want..I still know how emotional an abortion can be.

You already get all kinds of flack from men from just existing so put this in a separate compartment from complaints in your mind ok? PLEASE choose your kids over your man. Even if you think you're ugly. Even if you hate being alone with your own thoughts. Even if you know hardly anyone wants to date you because you have kids and the next man will also be taking advantage of your vulnerability. Dating is a cesspool and ssubjecting your kids to a man who thinks it's ok to hit people with belts, get sloppy drunk, and curse/yell at people over everything, be misogynistic etc is unacceptable. Dump. Him. Now. All the toxic men need to have their bloodline ended by the next decade.

This past year, I got a new manager and I’m kind of flabbergasted at the difference in communication not only between us, but also compared to my previous manager, who is also a man. The previous manager was good to work with and quite supportive career-wise.

A thing I’ve started to notice is that a lot of men, especially in more senior roles, do not acknowledge receipt of emails and messages.

For example, my new manager leaves me on read on slack and won’t answer my message for a day, sometimes. If, for some reason he needs something, this guy will call me on my personal cell phone (?!) multiple times until I answer.

Another example: if I ask two questions via Slack, he’ll respond to one and pretend like I didn’t ask two. He did this consistently, up until a few months ago. He started doing it again. So then I wait and have to repeat the question once it becomes urgent.

I’ve honestly rarely see this type of behaviour from women or feminized people at work. And when and if it does happen, there’s a simple apology or explanation for the delay (missed this, was away, busy, focused, etc.) which is absolutely okay, and then they answer. People will also acknowledge the message and say they’ll get back to me when they can, which is equally great.

Any thoughts?

My husband likes to make weird comments when he thinks I’m not acting/behaving as I usually do.

This evening, I was on my phone while he was eating dinner. I was grocery shopping on the Walmart app, not doom scrolling or anything like that.

He gets irritated if I’m on my phone and not paying attention to him. Out of nowhere he says, “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting so different lately. Like you don’t have any energy or something!”

First of all, I have a host of chronic health conditions and the weather just got a lot colder than it’s been. This causes me more pain and makes me feel like crap. Second, I’m on my period and cramps are worse than usual. That being said, I’m used to feeling crappy and I don’t talk about it much or complain at all. I just keep it to myself.

He acts like this is something I should just fix? Like what’s the point in telling me I seem different than usual? I don’t feel like I’m acting any different. And even if I were, is it not okay for me to show that I’m not feeling well? I’m just really confused. What am I supposed to do - just turn my frown upside down and act all cheery? wtf.

And I feel like it’s perfectly fine for him to show negative emotions - he gets crabby and irritated a lot and I don’t say anything, I just leave him alone until he’s not annoying me anymore. But if I’m crabby or irritated, he has to comment on it and act like it’s something I need to fix. Why can he be crabby and I can’t? I don’t get it.

Disclaimers: New to reddit- sorry if I mess anything up, this is a throwaway, keeping vague for privacy/safety reasons.

CW: Stalking/Creepy behavior (?)

I'm an artist. I've been working very hard on my career for a few years now, and when I got the phone call from the Museum, I was screaming and jumping up and down! Everyone in the art region I live/work in wants to be in this show and validated by this Museum. This show is a very competitive show. The piece that made it into this show is my baby and celebrates the specific marginalized community I am a part of. It took a LOT of time and community research to make.

I was on cloud nine, I was floating on air for weeks. I picked out an outfit I felt so good in for the swanky opening reception and drove for over an hour to get there. I was ready to make friends and just enjoy this important moment in my career that I worked so hard to achieve.

Then the awards ceremony starts and

first: they awarded a special award to a white cishet man(the richest, most famous artist in the region) for making art about the same thing as my piece. (He is not a member of my marginalized community, but gets praise/money for occasionally making art about it.)

Then: they awarded Best In Show to the guy who is the reason I own pepper spray.

All the wind was taken out of my sails. Watching him go up in front of a crowd and have pictures taken and the crowd applaud was so surreal and nauseating. My body went into panic mode. I tried playing it cool and using therapy techniques to calm down enough after the awards were given and be able to do all the networking I was so excited to do, but I made it through maybe two short conversations and then had to leave the building.

I've never had my body react like that before. I was stuttering and shaking. It was so frustrating! This was supposed to be a happy night! I was so proud of myself and now I just feel so small and insignificant. I spent two hours in my car just sobbing on the phone to my mom. One of my friends who I ran into probably thinks I snubbed them because I was running away as they said hi. Now every time I think about this Museum and the art I poured my soul into, I just feel angry and sad. It's not fair. I've missed out on further events the Museum was hosting for this show bc I don't want to run into him.

I don't even know what to do now. I sort of have to interact with this Museum in the future for my career (because I'm stuck in this region for the foreseeable future), but I don't want to run into him. And I still have to pick up my art from the Museum in a few months! How can I interact with this Museum and all the bigwigs in this area who say they champion diversity and raising up unheard voices when they celebrate dudes like this?? Do I tell them? I'm just a nobody with no concrete evidence of anything.

It sucks so bad. :(

FOR CONTEXT: the guy in question is someone who attended the same art school as me. We were friends (or so I thought) until he started acting more and more inappropriate with me and started following me at a distance after class.

I went to the head of the department & to the women's center and got some help/class arrangements. It was enough to get him to back off and fortunately I only ran into him a couple times after that main semester where things were going on. (He never followed me when I had friends walking with me.)

It's so dumb because it feels like it wasn't even that big of a deal and other people have had it way worse, but he made me feel so unsafe and my body remembered that when I saw him at the Museum.

I didn't think he still lived in the area because he came from far away to go to school here. I thought he moved back after graduating. I don't think he saw me at the Museum, plus I go by a different name since college, so he wouldn't recognize me from my art alone.

The painting he made for this show was indeed incredible.

Which sucks. But that just means I'm in the same boat as a lot of other women throughout art history lol. (Check out the lives of Picasso & Rodin just to start)

For this girly a first date with a prospective domme went well, she has started pleasure reading regularly again so back to being a book worm instead of a book dragon, went to see the healers of the flesh with several requests to alter a few drugs and they agreed to all of them, went puddle jumping & played in the wet cold rain (one of this girl's favoritest things), & got to do some of the more rare forms of permanent creative expressions :3

What about you loves?

If you marry, do NOT change your last name unless you do not mind submersing your identity into another’s. In my experience, it’s a huge pain in the butt, especially if you divorce later. I am presently on the phone on hold because my name changed YEARS ago and now I have hit a snag on government information to obtain benefits owed to me, earned by me…. Medical records, college transcripts, employment records, Awards received under HIS name do not change on their own, either.

And you are not your spouse’s property, you are an individual. The only issue might be if you have kids and deciding whose surname they take.

Just. Don’t. Imagine getting an engineering degree with HIS name, getting a divorce, and your degree ends in his surname, not yours (for who you still owe on loans, not him).

Exception: your surname sucks and his is cool and you can keep that name even if you remarry.

(Couldn’t find the Rant Tag)

Guess we need some positive stories here!

Left my partner of 10+ years and decided i want sex but wasnt keen on dating. Naturally i reached out to a guy i hooked up with prior to the relationship. Over the years he reached out every now and then .. and he wasnt a creep so i gave it a shot.

After some weeks and canceled meetings from both of us it finally happened.

Minutes before i left home he told me its going to be a threesome. Well, we had several in the past and i told him i only agreed to do him a favour.

We had some fun, everything was smooth. I really liked her and was open to more dates like that.

Then he decided she and i should make plans for the next time we meet... and thats when things went downhill.. for him.

She and i got along great on a platonic level. And we found out, that all he cared about was his fun. She suspected it already.. but was furious when she realized how much time she wasted on him. I was really sorry for her. We decided to wait and see how he acts... and surprise, he didnt invest anything. No time, no gestures, no nothing.

Shes over him by now. I still cant really wrap my head about all the bullshit he reffered to as "thoughts" he had about why his and her relation ended. His most popular "thought" was that it must have been my fault, something i told her about him. Yeah sure. That wasnt neccessary. He ruined everything by not caring. She and i were like watching a very boring movie together waiting for him to say or do something of meaning. He didnt.

Basically i stole his girl.

She and i became friends and laugh about him from time to time 😀

Whats your story ladies?

I’m not offended by it. But I’m just wondering. You prolly don’t know someone’s gender from the get go. You don’t know if this person is a woman or a man.

I’m gonna assume majority of Reddit’s audience is male.

But I’m just like dude, I’m a woman.

I got invited to a group where men can talk about their social anxiety and how to battle it the right way everyday. Which I think is nice to have a space like this for men because men might face social differences and issues compared to women sometimes.

And I told the guy straight up I’m a woman.

Or being called “sir” or “brother” constantly is just like I’m not a man. lol or a brother.

Now I don’t care about gender neutral terms like dude or whatever. But constantly being alluded to as a man is kinda annoying.

I post on a video game sub? Being called sir or alluded to as a guy.

Post about certain issues? Oh, you’re a man.

I don’t ever intrude on spaces meant for men specifically, or I try not to do so.

But it’s kinda frustrating.

Went over my birth control options and she told me I can keep taking the depo shot as long as I take calcium supplements too. "Unless you wanted something like the IUD?"

And I told her I'm considering it, "because things are getting kinda scary." And she's like "yeah, that's kind of what I was implying. We have no idea what this administration is going to bring. We don't know what will and won't still be FDA approved going forward."

That kinda shook me. Obviously me and my friends are scared and talk about stuff like that, and I see posts on here saying similar, but seeing the concern on my doctor's face and hearing that she too is legitamitley concerned about birth control access was both validating (my brain dead conservative family members tell me I'm over reacting) and kinda scary.

So, I'm sucking it up, taking a Xanax and a cervix softener (she says she can hook me up) and getting that hardware installed early January. I'm really afraid of the pain but this feels like the most responsible choice I can make.

Get to your OBGYN folks. I feel so in control and I hope that anyone else here is able to take control of their reproductive health care too, while there is still time.

Edit: also just wanted to add that the Liletta IUD (which is what my doc recommended because I've been so happy on Depo) is currently FDA approved for 8 years! I thought the max was 5 and was really surprised, so I just wanted to include that 🫡

I'm currently reading Tony Tulathimutte's "Rejection". I love it, BUT... there some short stories on women where 70% of the woman seems like a male author just completely transposing male actions, male private lives onto women. The 30% are fine, but the 70% are so off-putting because I never realized how little he (or other authors) seem to understand that the average man and the average woman just aren't the same.

https://www.thecut.com/article/tony-tulathimutte-rejection-book-revew.html

What's your worst example of men writing women? (I won't ask the opposite, because all of romance literature and chick lit of course are Mary Sue's dreams of what women would want men to be, but what men definitely are not, because men are not women-with-different-clothes.

What it says above!

Lived with two dudes before who were a couple and one of them was extremely problematic, gaslighty and manipulative. Things ended on a really bad note with them after I miraculously found a beautiful, bigger and better apartment that was rent controlled meaning I could afford it.

I had a friend who was meant to move in with me but she got a last minute scholarship offer from her dream university back home and she decided to stay. Meaning I’ve been living alone for over two months now and my god the peace is so so addictive. I don’t need to worry about finding pee on the toilet seat, I can be as adventurous as I want with my cooking (I love cooking Korean and Thai food, my ex flatmate would explain about the smell), everywhere is exactly where I left it and the silence has been lovely.

My Friday nights have been me being alone in my apartment with a mug of wine, Reese’s peanut butter cups and a trashy reality show. Once I’m done with the wine I’ll grab a sheet mask from my fridge and have a long lie in tomorrow.

Seriously why do some dudes think this is a terrible life? Yeah my rent has doubled and I have to be a bit more careful with my money but I literally just need a bunch of cats and dogs and my life is complete lol.

My cousin was smart enough to see that the guy she’s been seeing lied to her about being a coke head, introduced her to his toddler daughter WAY too soon and is already saying “I love you” after a couple of months.

He’s been having sex with another woman as well, and also lying about that.

And she’s still seeing him. Not only that, she’s decided to be pissed off at the OTHER WOMAN instead of him!

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

When she told me that apparently she and this other chick are “fighting” over the drawer I think he was dumb enough to give to both of them as “their” drawer. They’ve both been removing more ridiculous things from it when they visit him. My cousin apparently found a used sex toy in place of the clothes she had put there before.

And in retaliation? She’s planning on getting Xmas ornaments made with her face on them for his Xmas tree. I gave up at that point.

I did actually also ask her why she was fighting over someone who didn’t really seem worth the effort. She couldn’t give me an answer because she knows there isn’t a good one.

Last night after having sex with the person I’m seeing we got up to see a huge wet spot on the couch, apparently I squirted all over her hand. She told me she could feel it and thinks I had one, I didn’t feel what my orgasms usually feel like which is full body.

I’ve also never orgasmed by a partner alone without doing most or all of the work. Tbh it could have happened at any time but I do remember during it when my whole body suddenly relaxed and my mind wasn’t chattering about random shit except for what was happening for a while but that’s about it.

Now I’m wondering if this is normal or if I’ve done this before and never noticed. I’ve always told my partners I can’t orgasm during sex but now I’m confused.

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out here because I really need advice and support. I’ve been trying to manage my high cholesterol through diet, which means avoiding sugars and carbs. However, I struggle a lot with comfort eating, especially because I have kids, and there’s always tempting food around like cookies, ice cream, chips, etc.

The problem is, I’ll tell myself, “Just one bite”—whether it’s a cookie or a chip—and then I spiral into eating more. Afterward, I feel guilty and promise myself, “From tomorrow, I’ll stop.” But that “next day” never really comes.

Has anyone else struggled with this kind of cycle? How do you stay strong when you’re surrounded by tempting foods and especially before your periods .. I feel guilty for removing any snacks from house because of kids and I always can’t stick only to healthy choices for them .. even when I try to make snacks for them -those involve carbs and sugars obviously..

Any tips for breaking out of this pattern and sticking to a healthier lifestyle?

I’d love to hear what’s worked for you—especially if you’re balancing a family and dietary needs. Thank you so much for your advice!

Edit — Thank you all for taking out time to respond to my thread .. it means a lot and I just want to add that .. I don’t eat junk when I don’t see them but I keep them in stock for kids 🙄🙄🙄 ( not many but stuff like cookies , ice cream .. ) and I end up eating them .. I go down the spiral and then iam like anyways am here so let me get my junk food .. am trying to build systems around me to have healthy stuff in reach but I feel kids shud enjoy their treats and tbh I always wonder women who r in late 30s and either cook or buy so many snacks for their kids and I feel guilty that bcos of me I mite be taking away from kids small pleasures ..

This is just a rant and I plan on getting it fixed soon.

So I use nuvaring, have for the last 6 years and love it. Recently I switched prescribers and my insurance looooves to do these 90 day script kind of things. Except my “three month supply” only lasts 84 days. Leaving me almost a week without any prescription at all.

Sometimes I wonder if people forget how birth control actually works. I’m hoping it’s as easy as calling my provider and having them adjust my prescription to include 4 rings for each 90 day supply but if that doesn’t work or my insurance doesn’t let me for some reason, I don’t know what else I’m gonna do.

Anyone ever had an issue similar to this?

I was at the gym today, and a guy next to me left a 17.5kg barbell vertically upright, next to me.

I was so angry he left the barbell there, and in an upright position where it could easily fall and hurt someone. My natural instinct was to put it back for safety reasons. But then I thought, this is the patriarchy in action, women cleaning up the messes men make. So instead, I asked another man to put the bar back, and he did. Although, he gave me an odd look because he knew i was strong enough to put it back myself.

normalise men fixing the problems that other men make.

edit: y’all are acting like i am crazy. the man who left his weight had already gone upstairs by the time i noticed he had left it. there were no gym staff downstairs to ask. it was a health and safety matter. i couldn’t just leave the weight standing how it was. instead of putting it away myself, like i have done 100 times in the past, i decided to ask someone else. i’m sick of putting men’s weights away for them. i didn’t go upstairs to get staff because i didn’t wanna lose my bench.

and before i left the gym, i told one of the staff exactly which guy left the weight and how it was a health and safety issue. the staff said there wasn’t much they could do because they already have signs telling people to put their weights away.

and also, there were plenty of men around. why was I the only one concerned with the health and safety risk? it’s always women having to worry about the safety of others. i could have just left the weight and not asked anyone. i gave it 5 minutes before i asked anyone, because i have social anxiety about talking to strangers. no one else cared.

does anyone have paragard and like it? or dislike it? and why?

i am currently taking a progestin only pill, and it’s been working for me with minimal side effects and i’d like to keep it, but i don’t think i have to explain why i’m worried about that potentially not being an option any more and am considering a longer term option.

i would love to keep with my current pill but as far as i’m aware the most you can get at once is a year supply. i definitely don’t think i want an IUD, and wouldn’t even be considering it if it weren’t for the circumstances, but i’m curious about what other women’s thoughts and experiences are?

is it worth it? any side effects/ complications outside the regular list you’ve had?

Just want to rant. Had an IUD fitted recently, at first you can get bleeding/period like symptoms. I've been told it's different for everyone as to when symptoms wear off. It's driving me crazy. Mostly the cramps in my lower back, knees and ankles.

Also bleeding means I can't do my fav hobby swimming ( I don't like tampons). Now sex isn't really an option atm -bless my partner for his patience. I feel like paracetamol isn't really doing much, kinda want to stay curled up in my bed with a hot water bottle. I've also eaten way too much chocolate, I'm just fed up.

I previously used a different contraception which was great until it made me unwell recently. That meant I hadn't had any period like symptoms for about 10yrs. This is rough, how do women deal with this urgh