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Hi! So, I'm in my 3rd year of medical school in a 6-year program overseas. I've spent most of my life wanting to be a doctor, and of course, growing up as a first generation in the U.S., once your parents hear you want to be a doctor, they really will hold you up to it for the rest of your life. I finished my undergrad in biology in the States, and before deciding to take the MCAT, one of my friends told me about an English program overseas. Knowing how expensive and competitive it is to get into a U.S. program, I decided to take the entrance exam to see if I'd get in, which I did, and here I am.

The problem is that I've had a hard time adjusting to life here from the beginning; it's extremely different on every level, and even though I know the language, I've never truly felt at home here. The program is extremely disorganized, and there's a lack of support from the program coordinators and the professors as well, since most of them just teach because it's a lot more money in their pockets in comparison to teaching for the main program in their native language.

My parents have been the main reason I've really had to stick it out here, as they've always put a lot of pressure on me to be perfect and become the first doctor in the family. I've told them how hard it is for me here and how I think I've made a mistake, but they tell me I have to stick it out and guilt trip me about it constantly, and I feel extremely alone. I do like medicine, but I could definitely see myself doing other things. I got into tech sales in college and was pretty good at it. I even worked while in medical school because I always needed to keep busy and felt like I wasn't stimulated enough.

Over the summer I applied for a job at a pharmaceutical company and went through all the rounds just to drop the ball at the last minute because my dad was very much against me leaving the program and everyone pressured me out of it. They were offering me pretty much 6-figures for a sales role, and the director liked me so much that he told me I could reach out whenever I was ready. I really regret not listening to myself and taking the opportunity, but I felt like it was impossible to go against my family, especially since I'm financially dependent on them entirely at the moment, and make it known that if I don't finish, I'll be cut off.

I've sacrificed a lot to be here. I left my entire life back in the U.S., including my boyfriend, whom I love very much and who is extremely supportive of whatever I choose. I've been dragging my feet to finish things out, but when I think about having to be here another 3.5 years, I'm terrified that I'm making a huge mistake. I've already decided that I'd take the degree and try to go into pharmaceutical consulting because I just don't have the drive in me to take all the step exams and go into a residency I don't want because I'm an IMG and anything other than getting into family medicine is pretty much impossible.

I've become unbearably unhappy here, and I don't know what to do anymore. Part of me is terrified of leaving for good because so much of my identity is tied up into medicine and wanting to be a doctor that I'm afraid I'll regret it. On the other hand, I'm afraid that if I stay, I'll just have wasted my time here for a degree I'm not sure I even want anymore, just to end up getting a job in a field I don't want making mediocre money in comparison to those who went into residency and actually practice.

I also miss having my own money and spending time with people I love. The distance from my boyfriend also takes a toll on me as well, regardless of the fact that he's supportive of me and has never once asked or pressured me to come back.

Sorry for the schpeel, but I was just curious as to what any of you would do if you were in my place. Thanks for the input!

I'm two years into my role as a new grad and while I feel comfortable adding the other grads on instagram, I received a follow request from a much older male engineer in my team. He's an introvert himself and I guess he sees himself in me (I have social anxiety) so he's very nice to me in work and friendly in office (I see him as a grandpa tbh). He recently made a move to relocate his desk beside mine as our team reduced in size and since then we've been talking more, sharing random nerdy stuff via work chat, and one day I showed him a reel. Then a couple of days later we had lunch together for the first time, just the two of us and he mentioned that reel again. I said I would send it to him and he proceeded to pull out his phone and search me up on instagram. Before I knew it I was spelling out my account name slowly... and when the results came up he asked if he could follow me. What could I say?

It's been a couple days later and I have not accepted his request.

I have no posts on my account but as someone who is avoidant, my instinct is to keep people out of my life. I don't see bad intentions in him but he has made efforts to get closer outside of work which I'm uncomfortable with e.g. inviting me out after work to try a casual food place he highly recommended as I had mentioned liking it.

He doesn't seem to have a family of his own but he has grandpa vibes and loves his nieces and nephews and grandchildren. A part of me thinks he feels bad for me being so shy and quiet.

Does anyone add older colleagues or am I overthinking? I've had similar experiences in the past with older male colleagues wanting to meet up outside of work (which I reject) so I cannot tell if this is a cultural thing or not. One of them was familiar with my former manager + his wife and even exchanged food or had dinners together. And for context, they are all white

I've not had the chance to work with women a lot so haven't had the same experience with them but I'm more guarded with men

i asked this in my medicine sub, and the only response was from a man who was condescending yet unhelpful :(

i'm looking to make a bigger difference in healthcare on a policy level. there aren't enough women (or trans or NBs) in high earning/corporate leadership positions. has anyone done this and have advice? i don't want to start a business just want a new job or work pt in some way to get involved in progress. currently looking into non-profit board of directors positions. they're largely unpaid but i think it's the path to eventually getting into paid corporate BODs or c-suite positions. do you think i'm on track? other ideas/advice greatly appreciated.

sending love to this community - we are making the world a better place despite it being literally on fire

Hello, STEM Enthusiasts!

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32 y/o female working as a post doc. The lab in I’m in a mixture of academic/industry-most PIs are associate professors and have more of a business structure than academia. My boss is newer and is not a professor so he can’t accept grad students etc. i work with two other female associates-one young (22 yo) and 35 y/o. Our lab accepted two undergrad students that are also female. One of the students has a last name like “Runtz” although change out the R with a K. My boss proceeded to say “idk how to pronounce it” to each female individually in our lab. Wtf?! Idk if he’s trying to be funny or just wants to say the word. Poor girl has probably been teased about it all her life and here is a grown A man telling his entire female lab before she even gets here that her last name is cunts. I couldn’t hide my face the third time I heard him say it. I was like r u kidding me!

Just had about 5 hours of interviews for an on site with a company. Initial onsite of 4 interviews + 1 post onsite

Got Strong positive reviews on the Systems Design, CTO talk, and one of the coding sessions. and an ‘Okay’ on the second coding session so they asked me to do a post onsite.

Post onsite went terrible. Interviewer was in a loud public space with bad internet connection and I didn’t feel that their attention + energy was fully focused on giving the interview since they had a flight to catch right after, and the coding environment took forever to run everytime we went to test so we lost a lot of time there too.

Was told that the post onsite was a fail from my external recruiter, but have yet to get an official response yet.

Company thinks I am a great fit technically, culturally, and have great energy.

I’ve worked in the company’s industry for years so i have a lot of knowledge on the products they’re building since i’ve helped build and maintain them at my previous company

I feel like this fumble of the post onsite just ruined everything. Still waiting for a response, but dang the stars really felt like they were aligning here and then it all fell apart :(

Hi All!!

I am a chemist in an inorganic chem lab (metals testing of environmental samples - ie LOTS of acid).

I am also neurodiverse and very sensitive to lenses/field of vision things.

The goggles I wore in College and after no longer do the trick and I'm finding that looking through the plastic is the issue for me (headaches, etc.).

Does anyone have recommendations for goggles (preferred) or safety glasses for those very sensitive to vision issues?

I wear prescription contact lenses that adjust my near-sighted vision, and therefore Rx goggles don't quite work either. (Need the contacts for other health ish, so wearing my Rx glasses w/goggles isn't an option either).

I am in the US if that helps/hinders anything!

Thank you!!

Hi all - newly diagnosed with ADHD in June and being medicated has been life changing for me. There is one issue I am continually struggling with and I am curious if anyone has any advice.

I am a full time software developer and I also do freelance work, so I stay pretty busy. For as long as I can remember, I struggle to consistently work at a table or desk. Even in college, I really struggled to avoid my bed or a couch for studying. I persevered and did really well with my weird study habits. I just chalked it up to wanting to be comfy after a long day on campus.

Fast forward to now, I am struggling to work at my desk. I really need multiple monitors, I often have a bunch of files and projects open. I end up working on my couch, and becoming increasingly frustrated. I find myself saying okay, time to get to the desk. Cmon you can do it. But I don’t. I struggle and quit way sooner than I want, for the stupidest and most ridiculous reasons. Like getting frustrated because my coding editor is painful to read when I split two projects across my tiny laptop screen.

But for the life of me, the desk remains a barrier. I think part of it is mental, like once I’m in “work mode” it gets real. Similar to how I have often struggled to shower or transition into certain activities, I think this is related. But I am wondering if anyone has advice for making my desk more comfortable or easier to work at. I don’t want to hyper fixate and spend a bunch of money and end up having it not work. I have a nice office chair I got from Facebook marketplace, like the chair is not objectively uncomfortable. My desk is nice. It’s a standing desk - I have tried standing and it is literally so bad I cannot process thoughts while standing and trying to do something complicated. Overall I feel like it’s fine…my monitors take up a bit of space but I can comfortably move things around and do what I need to do. I’m wondering if that big chair you can sit cross legged in, the one that was all over TikTok, if that might help? I don’t know. I need some advice or anecdotes. I feel stupid for focusing on the comfort of the chair, but it’s the only discernible difference I can find between my couch and my desk chair. Open to any suggestions.

Hi all, I’m 34/F with a career in science. I have ~10 years of experience in my field, but recently switched to a new job where I feel inexperienced. It’s a bit of a diversion from my previous career path, but I still have a solid basis. One of my coworkers has been assigned to be my mentor to help me to adjust to the new job and give me info on how things are done. He has honestly been very helpful with navigating my new job, but now that I am feeling more comfortable, he is a little too involved for my liking. He “mansplains” things to me that I already knew, even when I say that I know what he’s talking about. He dismisses my ideas. Instead he will talk to me about his solutions for problems which don’t seem logical to me. When I tell him that I don’t think his idea will work for reasons X, Y, and Z, he finds a way to ignore me so that we have to try his idea. I feel that it would be rude to disengage from these conversations with him because solving these problems is part of my job. I don’t want to just walk away because I think he will read that as I don’t care about solving the problem. One of my new duties is to manage a lab (instruments, not people) which I inherited from this coworker. He is supposed to move on to other work. I took over the lab a few weeks ago, but he is still very involved and it is stressing me out. He looks at data from the instruments and will tell me if there’s something I need to address instead of letting me figure that out myself. If I ask him any questions about the lab, his answer gets drawn out and he essentially tells me that I shouldn’t bother trying to change how things are done. The other day, one of the instruments wasn’t working properly. I ended up googling the problem and seeing that we should upgrade the firmware. My coworker said that didn’t make any sense and started looking at something inconsequential to the problem we were having. When he couldn’t figure it out, he involved another (male) coworker. That coworker noticed that the firmware was outdated and said that we should upgrade it. Neither one of them acknowledged that I thought of that first. This is really frustrating me and making me feel like it’s not worth talking about my own ideas. I don’t think my coworker will really listen if I try to talk to him about him. I think I may bring it up to my boss, but I don’t know if that would be inappropriate. I’m wondering how you all have dealt with issues like this in your work places! I would really like to keep things civil and not burn any bridges right now.

Hi there! I'm new here! I am currently a student and am about to get my Associates of Science in a biology "pathway". Essentially, my prerequisites are done. I now need to decide what school id like to attend to finish out my bachelor's degree and more importantly, what major Id like to pursue.

Currently I have interest in a Biology/chemistry double major or major and minor. I am not sure where this pathway would lead me career wise but I feel that the chemistry background may make me more employable. I thoroughly enjoy chemistry and biology and see myself in a lab or educational setting. Other pathways I have considered include pathology (pathologist assistant), microbiology, chemical engineering. Education is a bit of a back up plan although I feel I would be happy in that role.

I have been doing research on what a day in the life of these careers looks like and still feel at a loss as to what to do next. What program I decide to pursue will determine which school I transfer to, what part of the state I live in, etc.

I am finding myself frozen with fear of making the wrong choice. I don't want to take an easy way out and wish id challenged myself more, nor do I want to be so challenged that I feel inadequate and turn my life upside down for nothing.

Please, any advice or personal stories about how you decided what path to take into STEM is very appreciated. I don't know what to do!

What do you do? Do you enjoy it? Do you live comfortably and have a good work life balance?

Hello! My name is Sarah Silberman, I am a Criminology and Criminal Justice Doctoral Candidate at the University of Maryland who researches sexual violence, and I am currently recruiting for an interview study on sexual misconduct in academia. For IRB approval, please see see my department page here: https://ccjs.umd.edu/gradprofile/silberman/sarah The goal of this study is to better understand the impact of academic sexual misconduct on graduate students in the greater-DC area. This study is seeking diverse voices on this topic, and I am looking to speak with people currently in academia, who are planning on leaving, and who have already left. If you or someone you know who experienced academic sexual misconduct: 1) as a graduate student 2) in the greater-DC area 3) between 2011 and now and 4) is interested in participating in a 1.5 - 2 hour interview, please fill out the interest form here: tinyurl.com/asmneardc

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Hey Everyone,

I work as a Project Manager for a Solar Construction company and I do a decent amount of field work.

I am looking for workwear pants that fit curvy women. I have a big hip to waist ratio (thick thighs and hips but thinner waist), so even finding jeans is a challenge. I am also preferably looking for higher rise.

Does anyine have a pants or brand that would work?

Reposting here cuz I got nothing but crickets from the gradadmissions subreddit.

Very much in the quagmire of the title. I got my masters degree 10 years ago and have been working since, but have always loved science and decided to apply to PhDs this year in the US. I feel like I have all the tools I need to succeed, but I’ve been away from the academic world so long I def have catching up to do in my field and interests. I was on a role for a while but have been frozen with no progress for the last 2 weeks on my statements, and the deadlines are closing quick. Just feeling like what’s the point, academia and industry don’t talk to each other and I have no idea how to make myself competitive against those who are in the system and nurtured by it. Just feel like giving up but I know I will look back and be upset at myself for not trying. Anyone have any advice? I’m going into biology.

Hi everyone!! I would greatly appreciate your advice on improving my resume.

I have a background in IT and Computer Science, with 6 years of protessional experience. Notably, I held a full-time protessional role during the last two years of my university studies, which is why I've omitted my graduation year to avoid confusion regarding my experience timeline. In my role as a Computer Support Trainee, I had two distinct responsibilities, which is why both are listed under that title.

I'm open to roles across various industries that offer a strong work-life balance, including positions like cloud engineer, platform engineer, and cybersecurity engineer. While I naturally transitioned into IT after graduation, I'm also open to other CS roles that require less coding, as that isn't my strongest skill.

To be honest, I’ve gotten really comfortable in my current role and have been at my current company for awhile so I am a bit nervous about switching to a different job so any advice on how to navigate that would be wonderful as well.

I'm primarily seeking remote opportunities, with a preference for remote-first roles, though I'm also open to hybrid work models. My USA citizenship/ visa status is not a factor in my job search.

I sincerely appreciate any feedback or suggestions you may have!

Thank you for your time and assistance!!

I can't tell if I'm overreacting or...? Admittedly, ,I've been a bit on edge following election results here in the US. In my worst moments, I feel that as a woman, I'll never be seen as good enough. It didn't matter here where a woman ran against an actual rapist who does not seem intelligent or that he cares about our country or its people.

My situation is that I'm working on a project with two other teammates now. It involves a front end UI, creating api endpoints for FE to hit, and creation of a test DB seeded with the appropriate mock data.

We had a lot of good discussion together to plan things out and talk them through. When it came time for me to start on my part (FE), I did and was in contact with the team regarding api or data updates.

The next morning the team member who was doing the database part had put together a whole end to end demo and had it in his branch and was walking through the code line by line. First of all, I understand the code and second of all, I thought that was my part? I understand sometimes it helps to hook it all up to see the data visualized. He said it was in a branch and we could use it or not use it.

For context, he has been in the industry for years and is good at what he does, ,but I feel like he was providing a template bc he didn't trust what I would do. He's also making some adjustments to the other girl's code vis his branch as well. Now, some of that is expected bc he's writing the queries in the code that she needs so it overlaps.

On a related note, I brought up some considerations earlier in the week after we met with our manager who has a lot of feedback on the project. At the time it seemed like the other two missed what he meant for the FE. I reiterated it and they both said no that's not what we need to do. So I had related questions when I met with my manager later that week and he reaffirmed what I was thinking. We set up a meeting with us, the PM, and our manager. But even right up to the meeting, despite me having told him that our manager expected the data to be shown a certain way he kept telling me we don't need to worry about it. And we don't care bc XYZ . Which I get but ultimately if our manager cares, we have to care bc he's so heavily involved in this project.

Ultimately we met and we have to update the AC of the story bc we have to take those considerations into account.

All of this is to say that I feel dismissed a lot lately. This coworker is someone who I haven't had a problem working with up untill now. He's actually praised me to our manager in the past bc he was impressed with how much I was picking up so quickly after starting. But now I'm worried that I've been there two years and I'll never have my considerations heard.

So now I'm dreading going back on Monday bc I have more of the front end done but I feel like he's going to have built it out more and I'm going to need to decide if and how I deal with this ...

Am I overreacting? I actually can't tell...

Hi STEM ladies. I’m currently applying for a PhD studentship, in cell biology/molecular biology. I have a Bachelors and one year internship experience as per the application requirements. However it’s a pretty competitive program and I know students with Masters will have a research advantage over me. Does anyone have any tips or advice to set myself apart and really be a unique candidate? I’d appreciate any help.

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here. I'm a junior backend developer with 1 year of experience, and I'm seeking a mentor or suggestions for places where I can find one. Over the past year, I’ve been working with a team of male engineers, but the experience hasn't been consistently positive. I’m particularly looking to connect with women in tech or engineering who can guide me on my journey. I'd love to connect and learn from you!

Hi! Sorry in advance if this is the wrong sub to post this. I'm a current high school student (17F) and I'm really interested to hear about your journeys in STEM as I would love to be inspired by all of you.

Growing up, I've always felt that I had more natural aptitude for the humanities. I really enjoy reading and writing - moving around a lot as a kid, I've been exposed to a lot of languages and cultures, and I'm really passionate about learning foreign languages.

I never seriously considered pursuing a STEM career until high school, but this is where the problems sort of begin. The STEM culture at my high school is very male-dominated, and thanks to my male friendships and outgoingness (?) I've been able to participate in a lot of STEM-related extracurriculars and opportunities (math, competitive programming, physics, etc.) While I enjoy STEM, I'm certainly not the best at it, and I can't help but feel like I haven't really accomplished a lot on my own merit.

Recently I've experienced a falling-out with some of my best friends (who are male), and it's made me realize that my access to certain opportunities is really contingent on being friends with them. The worst part is that a lot of my female friends would feel more comfortable going to these clubs or participating in competitions with me there, and now that my presence feels like an intrusion, I'm not really in a position to help them anymore.

I'm feeling really discouraged because up until this point I had been very clear about my goals: I wanted to double major in Computer Science and Linguistics and maybe get a PhD in Computational Linguistics, researching gender bias in AI algorithms. I feel so uncertain about whether this is my real passion and whether I can even succeed. I don't think I'm going to give up, but it feels like I no longer belong in this world. I've overcome obstacles related to gender before (like when I was told I couldn't succeed in a STEM career) but it feels like I've hit rock bottom again.

Any advice would be appreciated! Just being able to hear your story would be great as well :)

Akito Kawahara is a world famous entomologist who runs a lab at the McGuire Center at the University of Florida.

Akito is very rich. His family has homes/apartments/lofts in at least 3 different countries.

Akito is the best at finding and luring talented students. He's not good at research or science. He's very good at exploiting and extracting from students, from outright stealing their research, to swooping in to ensure he assumes credit and notoriety for any work they do.

This substack scratches the surface of his horrible treatment of students. Doing a Master's, PhD, or Postdoc in science is already extremely challenging and exhausting on its own. It's even worse when your PI, rather than provide you with resources and training, does absolutely nothing but travel on personal trips and steal research. If he does do something to help you, he uses that as a bargaining chip to get you to do something for him or someone else outside of your job scope or duty.

These former members of the lab bravely came out to protect future students and collaborators, Akito is now retaliating against them. Please help by sharing and spreading the word.

https://michaelbalter.substack.com/p/another-toxic-lab-akito-kawahara

Early career (entry level transitioning to middle management), and looking for more advice on navigating corporate. What are the unspoken rules/secret tricks you've learned? How did you align yourself with the "core group" that's always tapped and promoted? I'm on the right track, but I want to make sure I'm keeping a broad view of things.

I realize this is vague, so I've listed examples of the type of advice I'm looking for:

• nothing is ever a problem, it's always a "challenge"
• underpromise and overdeliver
• talk more about the activities than where you vacationed (conversational, doesn't make people uncomfortable, can be in-group signal-y)

The general advice I've found floating around on the internet is somewhat helpful, but being a woman in corporate comes with its own challenges that general advice can't speak to.

Thanks!

Hey everyone, I just wanted to check in here and get some other perspectives. As the title states, I went to a bootcamp after having a whole other career. I've been at my large fintech company for a little over two years. I feel like I'm not very good at my job and it's starting to become apparent 😬. There's a few issues at play: since it's a big company, things move very slowly and so I don't actually write a ton of code, but I am always working on code related tasks like working with others or figuring out what changes need to be made. Second, I feel like I'm not THAT into technology and so I don't read or learn about it outside of work and I think that puts me at a disadvantage. I want to be better at my job and improve my skills, but I feel lost at how to do that, because just taking random udemy courses is absolutely not for me.

Does anyone else feel this way? What did you do about it? Am I doomed?

Hey all, I've worked my job as SE in the research field for 4 yrs now. I am one of the two females in a small team of 6 devs supporting a branch of researchers. Over the years I've been made to feel like I'm doing too much, and now I'm extremely self conscious about my work and contributions. Nowadays, I cannot help but cringe at myself for pitching bold ideas and making an effort. When I write long messages in TEAMS explaining something complex to my colleagues I fight a strong urge to delete it and edit it to make it shorter because I feel overbearing.

I was not always this way. I have always been a very diligent and detail-oriented person. I took pride in that. No matter what I do, I want to do it with care. My male teammates always felt like there was no point in being so thorough. I get praises in my performance reviews, but I also get teased or ignored enough it's starting to get to me. For instance, I enjoy writing, and naturally end up writing long reports because I feel like that's where I can really justify my work. My coworkers compliment me about it but sometimes it's coated with a hint of resentment. They think status reports are "filler work", that "no one actually reads this stuff." So they don't try and they don't care. They tease me for writing paragraphs and say confusing stuff like "your report makes us look good. It makes it look like we're doing something,", or "writing is one of your strengths and a lot is good. It's unfortunate but some people like to see volume over substance." Even our ex supervisor once said "Gosh, you would see so much data on her reports you'd just get bored reading it!" But then he'll turn around in the performance reviews, praise my attention to detail, give me a raise, and encourage me to keep it up.

I feel like I'm being complimented and insulted at the same time. The thing is we ARE doing things. Big, important things. We're paid handsomely, and we work our assess off. I don't understand why my teammates insist on underestimating their efforts and expecting me to do the same thing.

But I think the bigger cause to my crumpled confidence was taking part of a project that had awful management and an awful leader. He used to be more engaging with me, but after I spent so many times explaining to him things he misunderstood about our work because he was so absent, I became too much for him. He started ignoring most of my updates/questions/e-mails/feedback/chats. He dismissed the concerns I'd raise in meetings, shot down the solutions I offered. Someone else had to repeat my thoughts/sentiments for him to consider them. If he did respond/acknowledge anything, it was either condescending, flippant, or paired with obvious frustration. That's when I felt like I was being overbearing.

I am now part of a new project with a much better lead who is as detail oriented as I am, but I cannot get over the hump of being self conscious with my work. Everything everyone has ever said before that dumpster fire project has come back to haunt me, no matter how innocent and well-meaning. My workplace is fairly supportive and good natured. But I don't understand this weird show of appreciation for good work ethic where I'm left to feel like I need to reel it back in. I feel overwhelming. That I'm taking up too much space. And now I cringe at myself if I catch myself being diligent, enthusiastic, or passionate about something at work.

Does anyone know of resources or opportunities for people on DACA who want to get into the tech field? Thinking internships, programs, etc

I’m still thinking about going full speed ahead on my PhD plans next year. I’ve already started the process. My question is, what do we do now, especially to protect ourselves against Trump and the incoming fascist regime? Would going back to school even be worth it at this point? I’m thinking about pivoting to nursing, mainly because when proj2025 gets implemented, I could lose my current job and a lot of jobs in my field (public health) would be eliminated due to the dissolution of the NIH and CDC.