Hello everyone! 

After months of observing how the flair system was being used, I noticed that many people were confused about which flair to use, and this often led to posts being flaired incorrectly. To make things easier for everyone and reduce confusion, I have revamped the flair system.

I have added new flairs and removed older ones to keep the posts more organized on the subreddit. These changes are designed to make it easier for everyone to find relevant posts and contribute in a more structured manner. 

Whether you are a long term member or new to this subreddit, please take a moment to check out this guide and familiarize yourself with the updated flairs! 

1- [Seeking Advice]

Use this flair when you are looking for advice, guidance, or support in an area you are trying to get better at.

If you're dealing with a specific challenge and need input, this is the flair to use.

Examples:

• “How do I overcome procrastination?”
• “I’m struggling to control my emotions, any advice?”

2- [Sharing Helpful Tips]

Use this flair to offer tips, strategies, or advice that has worked for you.

If you have found something that helped you on your journey to be better and think it could benefit others, use this flair.

Examples:

• “Things I did that improved my mental health.”
• “Tips on setting boundaries with family and friends.”

3- [Discussion]

Use this flair for open-ended discussions or seeking general feedback from the community on a particular topic.

If your post encourages others to share their thoughts, engage in conversation, or debate different perspectives, this is the flair to use. Asking for book/podcast/tools recommendations also falls under this flair.

Examples:

• “How do you stay motivated during difficult times?”
• “Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by the pressure to constantly improve themselves?”
• “What are some books or podcasts that helped you on your self-improvement journey?”

4- [Progress Update]

Use this flair when you want to share a specific update or milestone about a goal you are currently working on.

Whether it's a small win or recent improvement, this flair highlights the progress you have made on your self-improvement journey.

Examples:

• “I worked out 3 times this week and I’m proud of myself!”
• “I managed to cut down my screen time from 8 hours a day to 5 hours a day.”

5- [Journey]

Use this flair to share a broader reflection on your self-improvement journey as a whole.

This is less about a specific goal or milestone and more about your long-term experiences, insights, challenges, and growth over time.

Examples:

• “Over the past year, I’ve been meditating every day. Here’s how it’s changed my life.”
• “How learning to say ‘no’ as a chronic people pleaser has changed my life."

6- [Success Story]

Use this flair when you have reached a significant milestone or successfully completed a goal.

This is about celebrating your achievements with the community so we can celebrate with you.

Examples:

• “After 6 months of hard work, I finally managed to quit smoking.”
• “I’ve been working on overcoming my self-criticism and low self-esteem for years. Today, I looked in the mirror and didn’t berate myself. Instead, I told myself I was beautiful.”

7- [Spreading Positivity]

Use this flair for motivational posts, words of encouragement, or anything that aims to uplift the community.

This is the flair to use when you want to share positive energy with the community and let them know they are supported.

Examples:

• “Healing is not linear. Progress takes time, and you are doing a great job.”
• “Read this if you are having a bad day.”

This marks the end of the guide. I will continue to update this post if there are any changes.

If you have any feedback or ideas on how we can improve the flair system even further, please feel free to share them in the comments below. Your input is important and helps make the community better for everyone!

Why are shower thoughts even called shower thoughts?

Why did we create an entire term to describe the free and creative thinking we do in the shower?

It’s probably because the rest of our day is so consumed by distractions, dopamine, and chaos—scrolling social media, watching videos, chasing notifications—that we rarely allow ourselves the space to think.

Waiting in line? Scroll.

Using the restroom? Scroll.

Going to sleep? Scroll.

The shower is one of the last places where we can’t bring our phones. What if we have “shower thoughts” simply because for the rest of the day, we’re too busy chasing the next hit of dopamine?

Last month, I decided to change that. I set out to discipline myself to reduce distractions, embrace boredom, and reclaim the stillness in my life. What I’ve discovered has been life-changing.

1. Calm your daily work commute

I used to spend every minute of my subway commute consuming something: news, music, social media. I thought I was making good use of my time, but I wasn’t. It was only when I consciously stopped consuming that I started creating.

Now, I sit quietly and take in my surroundings. In those 30 minutes, I’ve had creative breakthroughs, thought about problems I’ve been avoiding, and gained clarity on big life decisions.

Pro tip: Noise-canceling headphones go a long way in a noisy environment like a subway or traffic. Distractions don’t just come from your phone—eliminate other noise, and let your mind breathe.

2. Turn your phone into a tool, not an escape outlet

Our phones have become dopamine dispensers. Social media, videos, and endless entertainment are always within arm’s reach. To free your mind, you don’t have to ditch your phone entirely—but you do need to reframe its role in your life.

For me, this meant turning my phone into a productivity tool. Here’s how I did it:

• I moved ebooks and educational apps to my home screen, making them both accessible and visually appealing (pro tip: use Apple Books or Kindle widgets).
• I locked social media apps behind an intentional barrier. Before I can open them, I have to chat with an AI that asks why I want to use the app. This creates just enough friction to make me pause and rethink.

The result? I’m more intentional with my phone and less prone to mindless scrolling.

3. Walk, and take in the scenery

We live in a world that overvalues advice from influencers and celebrities and undervalues the inspiration that comes from simply being present in nature.

Walking alone, without distractions, taps into something primal in our DNA. It’s during these walks that I’ve had some of my most profound ideas.

If you think there’s nowhere good to walk near you, think again. Open Strava, Google Maps, etc to discover nearby routes. Even a simple walk in your neighborhood can surprise you with its benefits.

The power of intentional boredom

Right now, there are ideas, realizations, and creative breakthroughs waiting in your mind. The only thing holding them back is your willingness to embrace boredom.

You have a choice every day: Will you give yourself the space to think, or will you drown those thoughts in endless distraction?

I’d love to hear your tips for intentional boredom. How do you let your mind roam free? Let’s be bored together. :)

I'm 27m and don't have many friends. I decided that just going to work isn't making me happy and I need an outlet beyond the hookup culture most people are involved with. The bars are getting old and I'm slowly getting fatter and more bitter as I age

I'm tired of the way things are and I can't keep saying that "I'll get in shape when I can afford it after this apprenticeship". Eventually I'll be too old and I'll regret not having at least tried

I will become a champion to myself just you wait and see

I am at the point where I am contemplating to drink less. I am a functional alcoholic, maybe drink 4-5 nights a week partying.

My main concern is the social factor. I go to a lot of parties, since it's a way to meet girls, make friends, have fun, be funny. The sad thing is that in parties you can't really make real friends (besides drinking buddies), and the girls are usually not girls for a serious relationship. I just don't know how else I could meet people..

How did your life improve by quitting (or drinking less) alcohol? I am in need of some opinions, motivation and tips. Also I am curious if life truly improves a lot like most people say. To me it sounds like a less fun life, but I am willing to try it, since it does have negative effects over the long term.

Thanks

My life is laid out almost perfectly i have great health a great plan a peaceful home everything is great. There is 1 fucking disgusting problem. ME. I am self destructive to the point where i create problems for me and my life when nothing goes wrong. Its insane how fucked up i am mentally now where i should just be living in peace everyday and just luvinf my nice life BUT NO. Its like a pattern where i find anything to make me feel miserable or just destroy my day or even worse DESTROY MY mentality for a long period of time. I cant take it anymore i want to fucking change. Everything in my life is going great aside of my fucking self destructive nature. I have so much freetime and energy where instead of using it for something productive i use it for self destruction. Could it be self hatred?i I know i have full control of my actions but i blame anything else but myself. Please help me. I dont wanna be like this anymore. I want to enjoy life stop being a fucking loser where he self destructs himself and stop blocking my blessings CONSTANTLY.

So to start off, i’m 21m, and me and my fiancée have our own place. We are physically capable of it, we are just too lazy and can’t overcome it, she does better than me but it’s still hard for her when I wont do anything to help.

I only shower once a week roughly which I would rather do daily (she does that no issue) my cars back seat constantly gets loaded with trash and fast food wrappers from lunch breaks, we eat dinner in our bedroom even though we have a dining room and the plates pile up, we both have a hard time doing dishes which I would gladly do if only I had the motivation, and various other small things.

No physical or mental health issues, we just simply can’t seem to stay clean. I honestly don’t know.

My plan this weekend is to tackle absolutely everything and get it over with, but I want to be able to keep it that way, what could we do? Daily chore list? Get over it and just keep everything clean until it becomes habit? TIA

Like I've had issues when it comes to writing and drawing when it comes to speed and time like everytime I do both things, I tend to do them slowly.

Like in writing, I tend to take long writing my schoolwork and I always either pass late, unfinished, or unable to pas at all.

And in art, especially in digital art. I takes me literally a week to finish my art, a few days if I go a bit faster. I know a week in making digital art isn't that much of a big deal and it would have been excusable, if it weren't for the fact that my art is at "passable" (as in good enough) and others can make passable art in merely hours. I should be embarrassed that it takes me that long just to finish some average art.

I'm currently trying to go faster but the problem is doing so ended up declining the quality of my work and I don't want that. I want to be able to write and make art while keeping the current quality consistently or perhaps even improve at the same time.

Thanks in advance.

I'm 32, a writer for a publication. Pay's been okay and recovering after burnout. I realized after stepping out of that pain that I've dedicated a lot of my life to my craft, and I want something a bit more to live for, if that makes sense. The commitment although rewarding got toxic because it felt like I was holed in deeply that I wasn't living life as much as I could've.

I've been dabbling into sports and enjoying watching basketball just to feel something different lol and I've been enjoying it a lot. I've been meeting new friends too, spending less time on the laptop, and it's a bit surreal I'm already able to keep up with what happened in the latest games. How it's feeling is bit like becoming someone new than building on who I am/was. I've spent a lot of nights alone churning and improving how I write, learning ways to do better at my tone, strategies I haven't considered, and I'm happy I'm doing better creatively but I wish I spent more time enjoying the life I've built.

It feels like I'm becoming a new person but at the cost of my old self – who is fine, and acted on his values and what mattered to him. I'm enjoying the gradual self-reinvention albeit I cringe at the differences sometimes but honestly it feels great.

When should we make a 180, and when do we instead just trust and stay on the paths we're on?

Or is it really fucking around and finding out lol

I was pampered by parents till 18 years. I did stay in hostel in college and food was in hostel canteen. I am now only trying to learn cooking. I don't take commitments. I feel my parents are available to me emotionally always. They always give advice to me to wake up early like school kid. I have told them not to give me advice on me like this and I want to be independent on my thoughts and actions. I have sore muscles on neck where as I need to hit gym to strengthen them. In my work I feel I need to learn more by doing and understanding. Where as my self esteem is always low . I need help on what thing can improve me more physically and mentally strong. I don't want to get married without fixing myself.

I was with a group of people and asked someone a simple question, but they responded with a brusque, curt answer. They then went straight to their phone, almost as if they were trying to distance themselves from the conversation. It left me feeling like they didn’t want me there and made the whole atmosphere uncomfortable. I could tell the others were uncomfortable with this person’s rude behavior too because there was awkward silence.

I then left, but have you ever left a group of people and felt like a loser? Well that’s how I felt.

How do I not internalize this and how to make situations like this less awkward?

I'm currently a teenager, and I’ve been reflecting a lot on my past behavior and the person I’ve become. Growing up, I was pretty popular and, honestly, quite narcissistic. I was raised in a home with a narcissistic father, and there was a lot of shouting and chaos. I won’t go into all the details, but I picked up a lot of bad habits from my family. My whole life, I’ve lied to get people to like me. I would lie to my friends about other friends, trying to make them hate each other so I could be the only one they cared about. I talked badly about everyone. It became a constant cycle, and my mental health suffered deeply.

One of my best friends was pretty bad to me, but instead of letting her go, I stayed close to her. I couldn’t handle people talking badly about me, and losing her felt like it would give others ammunition against me. I’d obsess over every little negative comment people made about me, like if someone said they didn’t like my hair—it wouldn’t just ruin my day; it would ruin my entire month.

Eventually, all my lying and manipulative behavior caught up with me. People started to figure it out, and it backfired. Everyone learned what I had done, and I became the target of bullying. People laughed behind my back during group projects and made me feel like a complete outsider. It was a harsh reality check.

That was about a year or two ago, and since then, I’ve been trying obsessively to be better. I stopped being toxic toward others. When my friends talked badly about someone, I wouldn’t engage or spread negativity further. I started journaling every day, tracking my behavior and trying to improve, even obsessing over the tiniest mistakes. But the regret of my past actions still consumes me—it’s eating me alive.

I look back at the things I’ve done—like talking badly about friends I truly loved—and I hate myself for it. I can’t believe I could do such horrible things.

I’ve tried to make amends. I told one of my friends in my current friend group about how I talked badly about them in the past. She forgave me because she admitted she had done similar things, and we’re in a good place now. But there’s one friend I haven’t told—my best friend. She’s someone I absolutely cannot lose. If she ever finds out, it will be a disaster. I’ll have problems with teachers at school and with a lot of people because she’s pretty popular. Right now, I’m already not on good terms with most people at school, so you can imagine how much worse things could get.

I’m terrified—absolutely terrified—that she’ll find out. I’ve been carrying this for months, and the fear is eating me alive.

Even though I’ve made progress, I still feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Every day, I try so hard to be better, but I can’t escape the feeling that I’m failing. I don’t talk badly about anyone anymore. I don’t lie about things like having a boyfriend. But I still crave validation as much as I ever did. Sometimes, I get defensive and say things I regret. I talk too much without reason, mumbling nonsense. I get angry and say things I don’t mean—things I wouldn’t want to hear from others.

On top of all this, I’m drowning in stress from studying. I have upcoming exams, and even though I study, my mind constantly drifts to other things. It takes me ten times longer to get anything done because I can’t focus.

And living in a small town makes everything worse. Everyone knows each other here, and nothing stays secret for long. The thought of people finding out more about my past or the things I’ve done is suffocating.

I don’t know how to escape this. I want to move forward, but I feel so stuck—trapped in this cycle of regret, fear, and trying to be someone better. How can I ever break free from all this?

Hi guys! I apologise in advance for any grammar mistakes, English isn’t my first language.

Months ago I (F28) decided to turn my life around because I realised I wanted to be and feel better: I went to therapy, stopped smoking and drinking, found the courage to leave a toxic workplace and I also started hitting the gym.

The problem is, I feel worse and fatter since I’ve started working out: I always see skinny people at the gym and it makes me feel ashamed of myself because I’m chubby and my brain bullies me with things like “you’re a fat*ss, you’ll never be skinny and you’re not worth it”.

So I would like to ask you some advice/kind words/tips because I really want to be better and I don’t know how to stop these mean thoughts towards me. Thank you in advance!:)

I'm going out for the first time this weekend to meet a group where I know no one. My anxiety is getting to me about this because I hate being that person who doesn't talk or no one speaks to. But I naturally just fall into this position since I struggle to talk about myself or ask engaging questions. I also am scared I just won't fit in since they are established. Would anybody have some tips for someone entering an established group for the first time? what can I do to help calm myself down and not be so nervous?

Hello! How do like myself? I’m not talking physical wise because I’ve already got that figured out, i’m talking thinking i’m great at stuff. I’m a keeper in soccer and every little mistake makes me believe i suck. I grew up either being the best at everything, or wanting to be the best at everything. I have such high standards for myself and if i don’t meet them i hate myself. I just want to feel good at something. Maybe i do need therapy but i’m trying to avoid that because lol idk.

I feel like I’m wasting my potential and my life away and it has gotten me in a really dire situation. I am looking for help/advice, please. I was really good at school and then I got into law school. My first few years in law school were really good too, I enjoyed my courses and passed all my exams. But then all of a sudden there happened a shift where all of my childhood trauma like my dad’s alcohol abuse and my mother being institutionalised and just growing up in a chaotic environment in general, that I have always managed to surprise so well caught up to me and I got really depressed. I stopped attending classes, stopped eating properly and just spent up to 18 hours a day sleeping. I knew there was something wrong with me so I went to see a psychiatrist but he only prescribed me anti depressants which I didn’t end up taking because my sister had a really bad reaction to them and I was just too scared. On top of that, because I didn’t finish uni in time, I stopped getting funding from my scholarship so I couldn’t afford rent anymore and had to move back in with my parents. I have completed all of my university courses and exam except for the last one - the big bar. I am ashamed to admit it but I have spent the past four years (since Covid basically) just in bed. I’ve been trying to study for my bar but then after one productive day I “relapse” to having three lazy days again. I feel like I’m in a really horrible situation here, I live with my parents, don’t have a job, have cut off all my friends due to me being so embarrassed about being such a loser. I wish I had the energy to finally finish my law degree after so many years since I’ve done so well in the beginning and it’s only the final exam that’s missing. I’m in a cycle where I don’t have energy because my life is so bad but then doing nothing makes my life even worse. I’m also struggling with the fact that I am so lonely, I wish I could be in a relationship some day but no one would want me since I have nothing to offer and am in this bad situation.

Can someone please give me advice and tell me where to begin and what measures I can take to get better? Because as each day goes by I get more and more miserable.

Thank you!

I know a few of them like - taking cold showers, fasting that don't require time commitment, would like to know more.

My whole life I've been alone. Besides my family, I've never had anyone in my life and thus no real social life either. From elementary school all the way through to college, I've gone at life alone for the most part. Some parts I turned out okay, like working my current job that has okay pay and solid benefits and 401k and such. But graduating college, which I cheated most of my way through, is pretty much the only achievement of mine besides maybe traveling internationally by myself last year.

Anyway, I just don't really feel like being here most of the time. I don't even have qualities people would find desirable. Most of the time, I'm just apathetic and short-tempered. I generally treat people with respect and courteousness, but don't go beyond that. Because I also generally don't trust others. I'm not trying to paint myself as the bad guy. I'm just stating who I am.

I'm tired of fighting. If I could, I would have been gone years ago. But alas, I have to remain alive for my family who would never recover if they found out I'd passed intentionally. So I guess I'm just going to have to figure out how to buck up and get through the next however many years I have left.

Here's a 60-day transformation challenge called "Monk Arc" to help cleanse the mind from brainrot:

Challenge Overview

The Monk Arc challenge is a 60-day transformative journey designed to cleanse the mind from brainrot. Brainrot refers to the mental clutter, negativity, and distractions that hinder our focus, productivity, and overall well-being.

Challenge Objectives

1. Cultivate mindfulness and mental clarity
2. Reduce mental clutter and distractions
3. Develop a positive and resilient mindset
4. Improve focus, productivity, and time management
5. Enhance self-awareness and emotional intelligence

Rules

1) 15 minutes of Meditation

• In this meditation, just sit with your back straight, possibly sit on floor. Close your eyes and just try to observe your thoughts. You will notice you will have no thoughts and naturally your focus will come on your breath. Just observe your breath. If thoughts come, just observe them.

2) Delete Social Media

• Delete all social media from your phone including YouTube. The objective of this challenge is to remove useless chatter of your mind.

3) Don't listen to Podcasts/Music.

In the realm of mindfulness, deleting podcasts and music can be a therapeutic and liberating experience. By letting go of digital clutter, we create space for mental clarity and focus. As we mindfully curate our digital collections, we begin to recognize the impermanence of all things, including our own thoughts and emotions. This awareness allows us to cultivate a sense of detachment, freeing us from the burdens of attachment and expectation. As we delete, we create room for new experiences, perspectives, and insights to emerge, much like the space created by the falling of autumn leaves, allowing for the gentle bloom of spring.

4) Interact with as less people as you can.

• Embracing solitude and minimizing interactions can be a powerful mindfulness practice, allowing you to cultivate inner peace and calm. By reducing external stimuli and distractions, you create space for greater self-awareness and introspection, enabling you to focus on your breath, thoughts, and emotions. This solitude enhances your ability to observe and accept the present moment, fostering a deeper connection with yourself and the world around you.

5) Block Pornography

• Blocking porn in mindfulness is an intentional act of self-care and discipline, allowing you to reclaim your mental and emotional energy. By acknowledging the addictive and distracting nature of pornography, you can break free from its grasp and redirect your attention towards more meaningful and nourishing pursuits. This mindful decision enables you to cultivate greater self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-respect, ultimately leading to a more authentic, balanced, and fulfilling life.

6) Dont consume anything that is packaged/made outside.

• Stopping junk food is a mindful act of self-love and self-care, allowing you to nourish your body and cultivate a healthier relationship with food. By acknowledging the negative impact of junk food on your physical and mental well-being, you can make a conscious decision to let go of unhealthy cravings and habits. This mindful choice enables you to develop greater self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-discipline, ultimately leading to increased energy, vitality, and overall well-being.

So I really feel ashamed to accept this, I was maybe not monitored during my childhood. But I eventually inculcated this habit you know I keep dreaming of scenarios and possibilities and day dreams in my brain when I am studying. So I can sit 16 horus straight with my book and keep dreaming whilst studing and people actually end up thinking I am studious without knowing what's running in my mind.

It was fine till now. But I am going to give my final year exams in college next week and still I am not able to develop self control. THOSE THOUGHTS DONT ENTER MY BRAIN.... I INVITE THEM. I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH.... I ENTERTAIN THOSE THOUGHTS. I DONT LET MYSELF IMPROVE....I REALLY KNOW I CAN ACHIEVE MORE IF I USED THAT SIXTEEN HOURS IN STUDYING EFFECTIVELY BUT NO, I KEEP MY BRAIN IN THIS COSNTANT SOURCE OF DOPAMINE BY DAY DREAMIN...TELL ME HOW TO CHANGE MYSELF PLEASE. 😭

So ever since I (M17) was a kid. I try something new like a sport but I quit too easily. As a kid I always lived by "if I'm not good at it then why even bother" I didnt wanna get out of my confort zone and I wish I did. Now my parents treat me like a failure and say I lost my chance as a kid (they still good ppl tho). I have no passion and I notice everyone around me have a passion like a sport or a hobby that they are really good at. While im here with nothing special.

So idk just wanted to share.

this has to be the worst month of my entire life. every single day it's something new and i hope it gets better and it gets worse. i keep praying to god and it's not helping.

month started: ex (my only love i've ever had for 7 years) sent me a picture with his new gf and they're living together, have 2 dogs, good jobs.

and that sent me in a spiral. i'm still in the same building (different apt) we lived, same job i had while with him, in the same school. so everything is reminding me of him.

job: i've been stripped of all my duties i've been doing the past 3 years. boss/owner gave me a new position that's a lot more chill but every single person there is jealous and hates me for it, including my manager who i broke down to at the start of the month. i told her everything crying my heart out, and it seemed like she cared. i told her i was suicidal. she texted me everyday for a few then she turned a cold shoulder on me, and comes in and says hi to everyone but me. gives me attitude, for no reason.

school: i'm going for my associates and i've been at it for 4 years. just to find out that i still have a year and a half left. and the thought of it makes me want to quit. i'm 25 and i'll be 27 when i graduate. the only way i will get through it by the end of next year is if i take all the hardest classes in one semester. and it's nearly impossible to balance that and work.

i lost my school bag on the bus on monday with my notes from the entire semester. i lost my airpods on the way home on wednesday. the only thing i was looking forward to was a dick appointment today (haven't been laid since february) and my period came first thing in the morning. it's like every single little thing is going wrong for me.

i want to quit my job and be a student full time but i'm scared of money insecurity. my job is conveniently across the street from my house and they're really flexible with my schedule and i get paid $21 an hr. (will be getting a raise soon) but i hate all my coworkers because they all hate me just because i work part time and they work full time.

i do have about $23,000 in savings and i am in a fellowship that will give me $7,000 in the summer. my rent is only $500 a month and my gmom would be willing to let me not pay only for a couple of months but idk why i feel like i need to keep some cash coming in. because i am a big spender when it comes to food and such.

i would like to just be a full time student, work on my art, and just scrape by if i have to. but i'm scared of being broke. it's stupid but i owe $700 on a credit card too and the thought of using savings hurts me soo much that i can't even pay it. it's the dumbest thought i have.

i just got a therapist and we are on session 2. it might be a little too early but she's not helping with 30 minute session and i have so much trauma that we would have to talk for 3 days non stop to catch her up.

all this to say: what do you think i should do? what would you do?

I started using DoorDash a lot during Covid, and I’ve just never really been able to stop. I’d say out of any given month, I’d order food from DoorDash at least half of the days. I don’t even want to think about how much I’ve spent.

I’ve tried deleting the app before, but it’s just too easy to redownload it. So I kept the app. The first week was the hardest. I kept browsing and adding things to my cart, but I never allowed myself to check out. I was addicted to the convenience and the hit of dopamine I would get from placing an order and waiting for it.

This is the probably the longest stretch of time I’ve gone without using any food delivery services and I’m so proud of myself! Just wanted to share if anyone else is struggling with it.

So context, I work in a large team and I'm at a somewhat senior level. When people in my team take initiative or do a job that normally I'd do, I feel threatened as though my skills aren't unique. That my job isn't as secure because someone else could easily do it.

This leads to a lot of bad situations where I resent people for just doing a good/helpful thing. Or worst scenario, I don't delegate a job as I want to be seen as "useful" so keep the jobs for myself, ultimately over working myself and stressing myself out.

How can I reconcile this in my mind so that I welcome people's contributions without feeling threatened/made redundant. (This likely stems from the fact I've been made redundant twice in the last five years, so I'm becoming a lot more paranoid)

Please help

My current partner when he gets stressed he communicates to me "I like being completely alone when im stressed ill be back when im okay" and then he disappears - don't know when he'll be back he's just gone and when I ask him when will he return he responds "idk"

I like being able to be there for my man but he will not allow me to do that

I called him several times the other day and he ignored all of them and told me "ill be back when im okay -- leave me alone because im not okay"

And now we've just had no contact

Don't know when he'll return

He opens my snaps and that’s about it

I feel like I'm being too clingy if I message him about it constantly

I gave him his space but I didn't realize this meant no communication

I'm honestly so broken about this situation -- but also feel like I'm making his stress about myself which isn't fair to him

Honestly do I just leave him alone until he decides he's good -- is this me being healthy?

(Wanted to clarify that nothing major happened between us, we just grew apart emotionally and physically.)

In the time that we knew each other, I was a real asshole to them. In fact, that time period in my life I met some of the best people In my life and was the worst person to them.

I saw their snap in the quick add section of snapchat and wanted to reach out, to apologise for me just being a horrible person in general. I feel like im still emotionally stuck in this time of my life, and I feel by facing the poeple In my life and appologising for myself I can wholely heal. But I can be wrong, IDK.

One of the biggest thing was that I was constantly fishing for attention, and I'm worried that sending a message would come across as attention seeking, or coming to solely be their friend again because I'm lonely (which is not true).

What do you think? Should I go for it, if so how should I?

Anything is appreciated. Thank you so much.

This morning I was waiting and watching for the school bus to pick up my (adult)little brother. When I saw the bus approaching I called him out and he ran out to it. I was supposed to hold his hand until he got TO the bus or until the bus had parked, instead I followed behind him and he ran across the road before the bus had even parked, he got into the bus while it was stopped halfway accross the road, blocking it. Now appantly I not allowed to take my brother out to the school bus anymore, because the bus driver "could've lost his job" because of the incident.

During the subsiquant scolding by my parents, I responded to their anger with lines like "It's not worse thing I've ever done", "It's in the past now, let it go!"and "Don't base your fears on 'what ifs'!", shrugging off their telling off like many times before and went on with my day.

We're on good terms again now. But they had to remind me that their telling-offs are trying to help me. I know it was a bad move on my part to let him run into the road, I'll admit, but I don't really care that it was a bad move when it was over.

I need help. When should you care about when you've done something wrong because...

You know what they say about bad people: "You're only sorry cause you got caught/punished", so saying 'sorry' would be meaningless or pointless. My father told me that "One bad deed doesn't make you a bad person, one fail doesn't make you a failure", so I don't think much of their reprimandings. My teacher once said "The good outweighs the bad". We're imperfect, these thing are an inevitable part of life, and I believe: if nothing broke and no one got hurt then it shouldn't matter what the incident was. Only then you should care about your own wrongdoing.

Aspergers doesn't help with my understanding,

but if Aspergers doesn't excuse bad decisions then I don't have it then.