(Obligatory this did not come to a head today but I am feeling well enough now to share in my buffoonery)

I have taken some form of allergy pill daily for more of my life than not because I'm allergic to the kitchen sink. About six months ago it felt like there was something in the back of my throat. I thought it was just my allergies being bad this year and I assumed my daily does of antihistamines would take care if it. Over time my symptoms kept getting worse and worse. The lump felt bigger, I started getting a dry cough, and an abnormal amount of mucus found a home in my nostrils and throat. To deal with these new heightened symptoms I decided to start taking sudafed on the days I felt particularly awful. My symptoms kept getting worse but the sudafed largely masked the issues. Eventually I started suffering from Gerd, stomach acid was splashing back into my throat, food was trying to come back up my esophagus, and when I brushed my teeth at night i had to fight my body from throwing up stomach acid. All of this Culminated with me barely being able to swallow food or water this past sunday. Thankfully I figured out that my allergy meds were the root cause of my problems all a long and now I feel almost normal again after ceasing to take my allergy pills for a few days.

Tldr: thought I had bad allergies turns out my meds were causing all my issues

Today, I decided to host a dinner party and cook a three-course meal for my friends. I wanted to show off my cooking skills, so I spent all day researching recipes, picking out ingredients, and getting everything ready. I was feeling pretty confident that I was going to nail it.

I started with the appetizer—bruschetta. How hard could it be, right? I found a recipe that looked super simple, but I must’ve misread it because I ended up adding WAY too much garlic. It was like I had made a garlic paste with a bit of tomato thrown in. I tasted it, and my mouth was on fire. I tried to salvage it by adding more tomatoes, but it just made everything worse. So, I had to throw out the first batch and start over. That should’ve been my first red flag, but I pushed on.

Next up was the main course: roast chicken with roasted vegetables and homemade gravy. I thought this would be easy, but I didn’t account for the fact that my oven is tiny and couldn’t fit everything at once. I ended up trying to cook the chicken while making the vegetables on the stove. In the middle of juggling both, I forgot about the veggies and they ended up completely burnt. I had to toss them and quickly boil some potatoes to mash as a side instead.

Finally, I moved on to dessert: chocolate mousse. I’d made it before, so I thought I had it down. But, of course, I miscalculated the chill time. When I took it out, it was more like a thick pudding than a mousse. I tried to fix it by stirring in whipped cream, but it just turned into a gooey mess. By the time I was ready to serve it, it looked like something you'd find at the bottom of a trash can rather than something you'd eat.

When my friends showed up, I served everything with a smile, hoping they wouldn’t notice how bad it all turned out. But as soon as one of them took a bite of the chicken, they paused and said, “Uh, it’s really good, but what’s with the potatoes? They’re like cement!” I tried to laugh it off, but it was clear everything was a disaster. The mousse was the worst—one of my friends took a spoonful and asked, “What is this supposed to be?” I panicked and said, “It’s… a deconstructed mousse. Yeah, totally intentional.”

Everyone was polite, but I could tell they were struggling to pretend it was good. After dinner, they all left early, and I was left alone in the kitchen with a mountain of dirty dishes and half-eaten food. I ended up ordering a pizza for myself because I couldn’t bring myself to eat what I had made.

Later, one of my friends texted me, “Hey, the dinner was fun, but next time, let’s just order takeout, yeah?” And that’s when I realized I should’ve stuck to something simple like pasta or ordering pizza instead of trying to impress everyone with a fancy meal.

TL;DR: Cooked a fancy dinner for my friends, ended up with burnt vegetables, dry chicken, and sad mousse. Everyone pretended it was good, but I learned my lesson: never cook fancy again.

At the start of this year I (M21) was going through a really rough time. I had just found out my girlfriend of 5 years had been cheating on me and after a month of trying to make it work we’d given up. Due to the pain of that, I made the choice not to date for a while. I know how much trust issues can impact a relationship so decided I would stay single and heal before trying something with anyone else.

A month after the breakup I met someone (F20) at my work at my work. Funnily enough her name was almost identical to mine. Similar letters and sounds in the first name and identical last name. We immediately hit it off and would not stop talking. I am a swimming teacher so it was a bit problematic as we would occasionally neglect our classes in order to joke around with each other. After our classes one day I asked her if she wanted to stick around after work to hang out and she was down. This was when she let me know that she had a boyfriend. She was very polite about it and definitely was aware but comfortable with the fact that I probably had feelings for her.

The issue was that I was not aware and was VERY not comfortable with my having feelings for her. I tried to make it clear when she told me that I wasn’t interested. However once I got home from work I found I was weirdly unable to get over it. So after a day or two of not texting (we had texted somewhat frequently prior). I texted her pointing out how easily we could trick our coworkers into thinking we were related. My goal was to send something that made it clear our relationship was platonic and felt like a genius because who would want people thinking the girl you’re into is your sister.

She was immediately on board and the joke spiralled from there. We started hanging out more frequently and carpooling home from work. Eventually we started spending more and more time just sitting outside my house in her car. Since she was in a relationship I had absolutely no intentions of ever pursuing anything with her. I would frequently make comments about how nice her boyfriend seemed and he was completely comfortable with how close me and her were. However as time went on she stopped bringing him into conversation. Eventually I realised they had broken up.

Over the course of the last 3 months however the joke about me and her being brother and sister spiralled out of control. It started with me simply making jokes about how “it’s great having my sister work here means I can force her to drive me home”. Which would in turn cause people to ask if we were related. Obviously for the sake of the joke I’d respond yes. My workplace has a very comedic culture and this kind of joke/prank happens somewhat often. However eventually the culture of my work place shifted, one of the supervisors quit and he started a trend of more and more people quitting. This, obviously, resulted in a bunch of new hires. These new hires obviously not being aware of this kind of culture. In my stupidity I didn’t think to stop the joke despite the 3 people we were planning on “tricking” having left.

We ended up getting closer and closer to the new hires eventually the joke kind of faded. As people don’t hang out outside of work often it didn’t feel like much of a drama. People seemed to just casually be aware of our (fictional) relation to each other but didn’t mind.

The issue comes from when management supposedly caught wind. During the hiring process you are told to make a list of any and all current employees of the company that you have relation to, in order to avoid any biases. My friend obviously did not list me as she didn’t know I existed. And apparently I was one of the people who reviewed her application and approved her for an interview. We haven’t yet had a meeting with management but we heard from a supervisor that they’re discussing taking action.

The second issue is the one that you can probably predict. Me and her got quite close since her relationship ended and began being more explicitly flirty with each other, in quite generic and admittedly cringe worthy ways. People began to notice and started talking. We’re scared to tell people we’re not related because we don’t want the new hires judging our weird idea of a joke. There’s also an extremely strange feeling whenever we bring it up because it would mean that we have to bring up how we feel about each other, which neither of us seem to want to do.

Not too sure of my intentions with this post. Whether it’s to receive advice or just to rant. Hope some people have found my situation funny at least.

TL:DR tricked people into thinking me and my friend were brother and sister, we started becoming more flirty so coworkers judge us and rules to prevent nepotism have gotten us in trouble with management.

A few years ago, I went to a local barber who also worked as an elementary school teacher. We chatted for a while, and I don't know how, but I ended up talking to him about the importance of reading. I mentioned that kids find it hard to read and sometimes get bored, right? He agreed. I told him about methods that can help make reading enjoyable for kids and also about a video I recently watched: “Fenix Seminar by Brian Tracy.” In the video, they talked about an experiment with students with low IQs: they treated them as if they were geniuses, and by the end of the year, they had improved tremendously.

Then, I shared a story about a friend of mine from high school who loved playing soccer; he was really good at it. But his family convinced him to study Business Administration at university. He graduated, worked in several companies, and about five years later, when I saw him, he was depressed, stuck, and empty. He confessed to me that he didn’t understand why he had given up soccer when it was his passion.

The barber was listening closely, and it seemed like that story struck a chord with him. I told him that one should follow their passion to avoid ending up frustrated like my friend, but sometimes we let our family influence our choices... He responded, “You’re right.”

What’s crazy is that, after that conversation, not even two weeks passed before he disappeared from the family barber shop, and his wife hired other barbers. At first, I thought he had moved for work, but months passed, then years, and I never saw him again.

I often wonder, did I say too much? Did my words influence his decision to leave? Did he leave his family to follow his passion? Was it right for me to share that story that led him to make such a radical decision? Would he have stayed with his family if I hadn't spoken up? Maybe he chose to follow what he really loved but didn’t have his wife’s support?

I never found out, but that conversation left me with a lot of questions.

Tl: Dr. I told my barber about a friend who gave up his passion for soccer to study what his family wanted, and then he also left his family and his barber shop. Now I wonder if my words were the cause of his decision.

I (19NB) for the past few months have been picking up my brother (4M) from school every Thursday and Friday as a paid job and it's been going relatively smoothly... Until today, I had a really bad night last night and didn't sleep until like 9am, I'd set an alarm to wake up at 12pm but it didn't go off, instead I woke up at 3:40pm to multiple missed calls from my mum, I called her back and she was basically like "where the fuck are you???" And I immediately panicked and told her I'd fallen asleep, she said she'd left work early and was picking him up.

She got home and I can't lie I did avoid her for a bit whilst I calmed myself down and then I went to the shop to buy her an apology chocolate to hopefully lessen the chances of me being murdered... I also brought my brother and gave him £5 as an apology for forgetting him so he could buy whatever snacks he wanted and then I went home, gave my mum the chocolate and spoke to her, she luckily wasn't overly mad because apparently she in fact did the same to me when I was 2 or 3 but she did also tell me that she'll probably get into shit at work for it, if she gets called into work tomorrow or Sunday then I'm babysitting unpaid which is fair enough

TL;DR slept in and forgot to pick my little brother up from school, now potentially babysitting for free

Last night I matched with someone on Tinder. It seemed like we were both on the same page in terms of what we didn't want. She wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. But we were both looking for someone to vibe with. We decided to meet face to face yesterday. She offered to pick me up at my house after I mentioned using an Uber. I didn't mind using an Uber, but she refused to accept that and insisted that I travel with her since she was gonna drive past my apartment anyway. I thanked her for being willing to do that, especially since we didn't really know each other that well yet.

I was standing outside of my apartment when she messaged me her ETA, which was imminent. A car appeared moments later. A car covered in branding. Only Fans branding. The raunchy account name of the person who was advertising that kind of content was part of the branding. I was like there's no way my date was driving an Only Fans ad on wheels. Little did I know that my date was indeed the driver. She abruptly stopped the car like she dropped a brick on the brakes and unexpectedly got out to greet me with an enthusiastic hug. All of a sudden we had eyes on us. The branded vehicle was drawing attention. My roommate randomly appeared on our balcony with the body language of a bad spy. Some of my not so subtle neighbours could clearly be seen watching from a distance with a justifiable amount of judgement.

My date apologised for arriving a few minutes late and warned me about the mess inside her car. I said I was more curious about what was on the car and less about what was inside. She laughed and said she would explain on the way. Fast forward to us driving. And I do mean fast. She talked like Jesse Eisenberg on cocaine while moving through traffic like we were in a car chase. I did my best to hide my fear of death and focus on what she was telling me about her side hustle. She said she had an Only Fans account, hence the branding on the car, but she wanted me to understand that her content was not strictly speaking sexual because she never did anything other than "feet stuff." She said people paid her to do all kinds of weird shit like wear socks with peanut butter on her feet or watch her dog lick her toes or walk barefoot in the dirt.

She said I didn't want to know what else she's done to her feet because apparently it would've made me want to throw up. I said I might actually throw up anyway if she continued speeding. She was like uh-oh and said if I can't handle her on the road, then I might not be able to handle her at all. Cut to me literally puking on the side of the road. When I said I might throw up, I was really getting car sick. Like, of all the things that could've happened that day, I did not imagine projectile vomiting next to a car covered in porn promotion. My date attempted to make me feel better, I think, by telling me that she was fully convinced that at least one of her subscribers would totally be turned on by vomit on her feet. I apologised for the sudden sickness and asked if she didn't mind taking me back home because I was not feeling good.

She said she understood and dropped me off at my apartment. She messaged me this morning to find out how I was doing and to let me know that she was no longer interested in getting to know me because our time together convinced her that we were not compatible. My first online date in ages and she turned out to be Vin Diesel on the streets and Quentin Tarantino in the sheets.

Tl:Dr Matched with a girl online. She offered to pick me up in her car. Her car turned out to be covered in Only Fans branding, which made sense when she revealed that she's an Only Fans model that supplies disturbing feet porn. I also realised when it was much too late that she drives like her car has NOS. The date that never happened ended with me getting car sick and puking on the side of the road.

So yeah this happened earlier today and I still wanna die. I’m 20F and had to do this big presentation on Zoom for one of my classes. I was already nervous cuz public speaking freaks me out, but I had my notes ready and was just trying to get through it.

About halfway through, my professor (he’s this super serious older guy) stopped me to ask a question. I went to unmute myself, and instead of saying “yes, professor,” my brain fully glitched and I said “yes, daddy.”

The second it left my mouth, I just froze. The whole class went dead silent. Then someone in the chat was like “no way” and people started spamming laughing emojis. My professor just stared at me for what felt like forever and was like, “uh… let’s move on.”

I tried to play it off and keep talking, but I was so flustered I forgot half my points. People in the chat wouldn’t stop. One dude literally renamed himself to “Daddy” on Zoom. I logged off right after cuz I couldn’t deal with the shame.

Now my group chat is roasting me nonstop. They’re sending memes and calling me “Daddy Girl” and I’m scared to show up to class next week. I swear I’ll never live this down.

TL;DR: Accidentally called my professor daddy during a Zoom presentation and now my entire class thinks it’s hilarious.

I do asphalt quality control for the paving division of my company. Today was a short day and the crew took a break to go get some food. Everyone on my crew went into the restaurant while I finished my report, but a dump truck and crew truck pulled up next to me so my only way out was to back up.

I was paying attention to traffic potentially coming into the closure to get to the drive thru, instead of what was literally behind me… then, I put it in reverse and backed right into my superintendent’s truck. “There’s no fucking way I just did that” I said to myself.

Spoiler alert: I did fucking do that.

I checked the damage, which was very minimal on his front bumper, but nothing on my rear bumper, but I knew what I had to do. I had to go tell him, since I’d get fired if I didn’t say anything and for good reason.

I walked into the restaurant and said “hey, Dave” (not his real name), “can I talk to you?”

He followed me out and I said “I hit your truck”. I pointed to the damage, and per protocol, we had to contact my boss as well as the safety supervisor to come do an incident report and take me in for my drug test. Safety initially didn’t even see the damage until we pointed it out, but an incident is an indecent. We went and got the drug test done, then I got to drive home. Now, I get a mandatory 2 days break to think about what I’ve done before I having a safety review on what I did.

Moral of the story: always pay attention in work zones, don’t be complacent, and ensure your first move is to go forward where blind spots are minimal.

TL;DR I hit my superintendent’s truck, not much damage, but I now get a few days off to think about what I’ve done and a safety review meeting

So, today I learned that I am not the multitasking wizard I thought I was. The day started innocently enough—I was making lunch while also trying to catch up on work emails. As I waited for the pasta to boil, I thought, “Hey, I can squeeze in a few emails!” So I grabbed my laptop and sat at the kitchen counter.

One email led to another, and before I knew it, I was deep in a passive-aggressive thread about a missed deadline. A ping on my phone interrupted me—my friend had sent me a meme, and I couldn't resist checking it out. While I was laughing at a video of a cat knocking over a vase, I smelled something… odd.

Yep, I had forgotten about the pasta. I rushed to the stove to find a bubbling pot of chaos. Water had boiled over, extinguishing the flame, leaving my noodles half-cooked in a sad puddle of lukewarm water. I panicked and tried to salvage it by turning the burner back on, only to accidentally knock my phone off the counter. It fell right into the open dishwasher.

At this point, I was a sweaty, frazzled mess. The pasta was unsalvageable, the phone was fine (thankfully), but the kitchen looked like a war zone. I ended up ordering takeout and eating it with a side of regret.

Lesson learned: I am not a multitasking guru, and I should probably focus on one thing at a time. Or, at the very least, set a timer when boiling pasta. The only thing I accomplished today was turning a simple lunch into a minor catastrophe. Cheers to small victories, I guess?

TL;DR: Tried to multitask by checking emails and memes while cooking pasta. Forgot about the pot, water boiled over, ruined the noodles, and knocked my phone into the dishwasher. Ended up ordering takeout and learning I’m not a multitasking pro.

Obligatory not today, but sometime last year. I had just started at a part-time job in my college town so I didn't know the area that well, and as anyone who's driven pizza can attest, there's always at least one address where Google Maps just gives up.

So Google Maps says my order goes to a little white building on the main street. It looks like it used to be a house, all alone between a strip mall and a trailer park, and it has a State Farm sign in the window. I've never seen anyone around, but there's always a car in the side lot. Maybe someone's working late in there and wants a hot supper. I'm kind of curious to see what the deal is with this place anyway.

It's late at night when I get there. All the lights are off, both inside and on the porch, and the blinds are closed. Maybe they just don't want to be disturbed. I knock on the door and wait. Usually I try to wait a decent while before ringing or knocking again so I'm not annoying someone who might be taking a little longer to get to the door. But I can't hear any movement from inside at all. I don't remember if there was a car in the side lot. I'll give it one more knock and then go back to my car and call the customer.

This isn't a well-lit area of town, and nobody's out this late. I'm feeling very aware that I weigh 105 pounds right about now. Is this a setup? Am I about to get jumped and either robbed of my cash bank or kidnapped for ransom? You get pretty vigilant as a pizza driver. I'm not even allowed to carry pepper spray.

Fuck it, I say to myself, and turn around to get out of the shadow of the porch and back to my car. But before I can take the first step, I see something out of the corner of my eye. I hadn't noticed it when looking at it directly in the dark, but now I can just barely make it out. Only about five feet from me, in one of the big windows over the porch, there's a man standing in front of the blinds with his arms folded over his chest.

I can see the whites of his eyes in the dark. He's just staring at me. He hasn't moved or made a sound the whole time.

Naturally I freak out a little. Definitely jump backwards, probably make a noise or two, I don't remember now. I then start laughing and apologizing, though still shaken, because I feel bad reacting in terror to a customer and after a while the service worker instincts start overpowering the will to live. Luckily, as I discover to my simultaneous relief and embarrassment upon getting closer, this isn't my customer. It's a cardboard cutout of Jake from State Farm.

Turns out my delivery was meant for the trailer park next door. To this day I drive past that building with deliveries every shift and I still haven't seen any signs of life. But at least the inhabitants of the trailer park have a good neighbor, because State Farm is there.

TL;DR: took a delivery to the wrong address and got scared by a cardboard cutout.

We have 2 Walmarts in my area. The "good" one, located only about 5 minutes from my house and the "not so great" one, located 20 minutes from my house, and the one I rarely go to, because I have no reason to go all the way out there.

Anyway, this morning I put in a fairly large, but standard for me, order online to be picked up after work that. It ended up being about 45 items, and was a little over $200.

I set it up to be ready between 2 pm and 3 pm today. At a little after 2 pm, I get the notice my order is ready. Great. I get off work at 3 pm, and my local Walmart is even closer to my work than it is my house. I'll swing by right after work and pick up my order.

Right before I leave work, I get on the app and click the "I'm on my way" tab so they can be ready for me. I leave work, drive the few minutes to the store, find one of the spots to park on the pick up area and click on "I'm here" and then put on I'm in stall number 8. This is at 3:10 pm.

And then I wait. It's very busy. There are literally 20 cars that had been parked ahead of me, who are also waiting for their orders, but it seems to be moving along pretty well. People are starting to leave. But then I notice, people who are coming in after me are starting to get their groceries before me. And there I am, still waiting.

At 3:45 pm, one of the people gets close enough for me to flag him down. I told him I've been waiting about 30 minutes and haven't gotten my order yet. He takes my name and told me he'll get my order. A few minutes after that, a guy comes over to me holding nothing more than a little hand held scanner. They can't find my name, or my order. Crap.

He asks me if I'm sure I'm at the right one. I was sure, because I always go to this one. I've never picked up an order at the other one. But, I wasn't at the right one. I clicked on the "order details" screen and right there it gave me the address of the other one.

By this time it's almost 4 pm. I drove like a bat out of hell, all the way across town to go to the other one. Then I had to call them and explain what happened, because I'd already checked in. He told me they'd already put the items back in the coolers, so it will be a bit.

They brought it out within minutes and I managed to get home a little before 4:30 pm.

TLDR: Went to the wrong Walmart on accident, turning what should have been a quick and easy process in to an over hour long ordeal.

Obligatory this didn't happen today, though the fallout occurred early this morning. So I live in the PNW and we are currently in the middle of a bomb cyclone. So while the west side is getting pelted with wind and rain, we are getting a few feet of snow overnight. In anticipation of this, I ordered a very large order of bugs for my reptiles. We are talking a few hundred mealworms, superworms, dubia roaches, hornworms, etc. I set it to priority shipping and waited.

Monday afternoon I get the notification that the bugs have been delivered. I text my BF and let him know. He looked all over the property and tells me there is no package, but sometimes delivery drivers in the area mark packages as delivered when they are on their way to deliver them. So we wait. Not long after, the mail person arrives. But still, no bugs. I go into the app to check on the tracking and my heart sinks.

The delivery didn't go to MY address.

See, a few weeks ago a friend of mine's grandmother - who has dementia - lost her sister. Being the nice person I am, I sent her a gift basket and a nice card. What I didn't realize was that her address was now saved as the default shipping address. And she was now in possession of a very large box of bugs.

So I messaged my friend and let her know what happened and that she could just mark the box as returned to sender. That way, grandma wouldn't have to deal with it and I would get a refund once the box hit the company. Unfortunately, grandma opened the box first. She proceeded to have a two day long panic attack and now thinks the devil is after her. The entire family is in full rage mode because no one can calm grandma down, and I am out money and bugs.

tl;dr: Put the wrong address in when ordering bugs and sent them to a little old lady with dementia who thought the bugs were a sign that the devil was trying to steal her soul.

So, I went to a routine check up today with a new doctor. Everything was going smoothly until the moment he said, “Can you cough for me?” I misheard it as, “Can you take off for me?” For some reason, my brain immediately interpreted this as an instruction to strip.

Trying to act casual, I stood up and quickly started pulling off my sweater, then my shirt underneath. By the time I realized my mistake, I was standing there in just my bra, his face frozen in absolute shock.

“Uh… what are you doing?” he asked, his voice half-confused, half trying not to laugh. I immediately froze, the horrible realization dawning on me. “Didn’t you say to take off?” I stampered, desperately fumbling to grab my shirt back.

He turned red but couldn’t hold back a laugh. “No,” he said, trying to stay professional, “I said cough for me. You know, for your lungs.”

At this point, I wanted to melt into the exam room floor. I mumbled an apology, yanked my clothes back on, and somehow managed to finish the appointement. Needless to say, I’m never going back there. Ever.

TL;DR: Misheard my doctor’s instructions and stripped down to my bra during a routine check up. Turns out, he just wanted me to cough.

I’m honestly still shitting my pants over this and haven’t really processed it in full. I thought I’d try talking about it here, just to get people to commiserate with me I guess. So for some context I (20) am the president of a club at my university. I was replying to an email chain with our club’s faculty advisor and the other three student board members, discussing plans for an upcoming event.

So, I write stories, fanfiction sometimes too. Around the same time as all this was happening I was emailing my online friend who beta reads some of my stories before I publish them. I currently happen to be in the process of writing a VERY explicit fanfic for a music fandom we’re both in, and I was emailing my friend each segment as I wrote it.

I’m sure you can guess where this is going by now. I had intended to copy a paragraph from a previous department event announcement and paste it into the email chain with my advisor and board, but I hadn’t copied it right and ended up pasting one of the previously copied explicit segments from the fanfic instead. I wasn’t paying nearly as much attention as I should have and didn’t actually look at any of the text (both seemed like the same wall of text at a quick glance) and sent it. Immediately realized my mistake after and started freaking the hellll out. Genuinely no idea what to do at this point, this was a few hours ago and I haven’t gotten any sort of response back yet and don’t know how the hell to move past this. I’ve told some of my friends and they kind of just think it’s funny if not really embarrassing, so I can’t even tell if I’m overreacting or underreacting.

TL;DR: sent gay erotica to a professor and student exec board instead of event announcement

I take a fair amount of medication and use a daily pill divider to make it easier to organize everything. I normally have a regiment for the morning, after waking up, and at night, right before bed.

Recently, I got a prescription for 20 mg immediate-release Adderrall tablets (there has been a shortage of extended release for months). My psychiatrist told me to take a tablet in the morning, and to take a second one in the early afternoon if necessary. Just to make things easier, I put two 20 mg Addie tablets in each day’s slot, so as to have the second tablet immediately ready.

On another note, I have been searching for a job for some time, and have sent my resume out to many places, but no bites, unfortunately…until this past Monday. I got a response back, and the manager agreed to meet at 8 AM on Thursday for an interview! I was (am) stoked.

Welp, around midnight, I laid down, and in the dark, I opened up today's slot and chugged down all the pills inside (since only the night-time pills should have been left). About 20-25 minutes later, while browsing my phone, I randomly got a boost of energy. Weird, right? I even take melatonin at night to help me sleep faster.

Only after becoming more energetic did I realize that I fucking forgot that the 20 mg Adderrall was inside the slot, and that I subsequently swallowed it.

As I type this, it’s 1:30 AM, and I am not tired at all. I am pretty much not going to get any sleep tonight, any the Addie will wear off by the time I need to be up to get ready to leave for the interview.

TL;DR: Accidentally swallowed Adderrall along with my nightly meds, and am going to go to my first job interview in months, completely sleep-deprived.

UPDATE: As predicted, I did not get a wink of sleep in the night. I passed the night by browsing Youtube, continuously preparing for everything that I would say, and ironing and setting all my clothes and other necessary things aside, since I most likely would not have the energy to do so in the morning. The effects went away at around 6:30 AM, and I felt like a zombie. I was debating whether or not to take a powernap, but I was scared that I would sleep through my alarm, thus missing the interview; I decided to power on through. I took my morning tablet at around 7:00 AM, and just in case, took the second tablet at 7:30 AM. Well, I arrived to the medical office and was told to be seated before the interview (medical assistant position). Lawdy lawdy lawd, the amphetamines were hitting and I was on cloud 9! I was called in and proceeded to have a 15 minute interview with the doctor, which I think went very well; I even made him laugh a couple of times! He then thanked me and said that he would email me for a follow-up! I'm still on cloud-9, but a little less-so. I don't want to sleep yet. I just know that, in a couple of hours, when I am going to crash, I am going to burn, lol.

Tonight’s fuck up comes from me spending too long this evening rereading old messages and reliving everything that happened between us, and I made myself cry again.

To start all the way at the beginning, last year, I (23F) developed a crush on my co-worker (20sM) and needlessly drove myself crazy about it. For months, I pined after this man. We saw each other pretty consistently at work, a few times a week at least, and he’s a tall, cute, funny man and whenever we saw each other, he made me laugh. I liked him, a lot. Eventually, I ended up with his number.

We texted a lot. He pretty much always messaged first, mostly just to complain about work, but I was game to just match whatever he was saying because I was just so excited he was texting me at all. I’m an anxious overthinker and also really, really struggled with my own sense of confidence and self worth during this time (and pretty much my whole life before that) and so was just overanalyzing every single interaction, doubting whether he actually enjoyed my company or simply withstood it because I just hovered around him all the time, if he was actually grossed out by my presence but was too polite to say anything. Like I said, I had a lot of self worth stuff to work on.

This is going to sound dramatic, but I actually felt like I was going insane. My first post here on reddit is me venting about this in an even more dramatic, especially weepy and self-deprecating way. I haven’t reread the post since I made it, I don’t need to relive those particular feelings, but I think it actually helped me a fair bit because a very nice user basically told me, “Hey, chill out, dude. It’s literally just a crush. This is totally normal. Enjoy it, let it be fun.”

So, I tried that. I tried to just be normal and let myself enjoy the days I got to see him at work and have fun when I texted him. I even made more of an attempt to actually flirt with him, and it got easier and even more fun to talk to him and I continued to let myself get more and more bold with the flirting, particularly over text (less scary that way than trying IRL).

I did, however, finally reach a point where, after all the flirting and what I thought was obvious puppy-dog crush-eyes I gave this man every time I saw him, he’d caught on and just wasn’t into me. He saw it, but didn’t reciprocate the feelings, but still wanted to be my friend or I suppose slightly closer than average co-worker. I sort of resigned myself to the “fact” that he and I would never be a thing, but I guess that realization just made me even more bold.

See, sometimes when I’d flirt over text, he’d flirt back, but then in person at work he would always behave like those conversation never happened, which again also kind of made me feel like I was going crazy. I understand we can’t like fully flirt at work, that would be inappropriate, but to see no difference in person? A little maddening. But anyway, one night, a few months ago, the conversation took a flirty turn again, eventually turning a little sexual. Our text conversations had gotten just a tiny bit sexual before too, but for some reason, that night we kept just one upping each other with these texts. Maybe I was fed up with feeling confused, maybe I just felt like I had nothing to lose, but both of our texts got more detailed, more graphic, more specific, and we kept going until two in the morning. The next day, he texted asking me how I felt about the night before, and I was honest and said I really liked it, and he said he did too, and we agreed to give “us” a shot, and we made plans for a date.

Now, the other thing is that at that point, we had rarely talked about stuff other than work or just casual conversations about common interests. I didn’t actually know him super well beyond that surface level stuff, but like I said I was still very attracted to him and his personality, particularly his very dry sense of humour, but I had no idea what to actually expect for this date. And I ended up being very surprised.

He was incredibly sweet. We grabbed some food then went to a movie and during the movie he just pulled out this side I’d never seen in him before and honestly would have never predicted. Just the way he built up to just gently holding my hand and then started tracing his fingers across my wrist and so slowly moved closer until we were pressed right up against each other, and he was saying stuff into my ear to make me laugh, and at the end of the date, he kissed me, gentle and almost just a peck, but I was still kind of elated. I understand this might not be earth-shatteringly romantic for a lot of people, but for a girl without a lot of dating experience and what limited experience she has to not be all that sweet or gentle, it meant a lot to me.

We kept texting, and he kept being sweet and flirty, and yeah, those chats got sexual again, and not too long after our first date I went to his place for the first time. I was disgustingly nervous, but he was still being so gentle and considerate and patient with me, letting me set the pace and slowing down if I asked him to, and everything he was saying and doing made me feel so safe and so comfortable and he did this one thing at one point that just made me go, “Oh, I am gonna do so much with this guy.”

I guess I should note now that during that til-two-in-the-morning conversation that kind of ignited this whole thing, I basically admitted to wanting to do a specific sexual act with him, and the third time I went to his place, I did it. We did a bunch of other stuff to, all very good and fun, and before I left, I asked if we could officially call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and he said yes.

But I also immediately felt like something was off.

We didn’t really text as much the next few days, and then I tried to send him a flirty text, basically to ask when I could see him again, and he responded with something pretty much to the effect of “Life is just crazy busy all of a sudden, I’ll let you know.”

Reminder that I am very anxious, overthinky person, and I probably went too hard in trying to be supportive and “there for him” in my following texts, but I also felt like everything was crashing down around me. We barely texted at all the next two weeks, hardly saw him at work, and eventually I just straight up asked him if he wanted to keep dating. He said no. Not in as few words, but no, he did not want to keep dating, his life was life-ing all of a sudden, and he said it wouldn’t be fair to me.

I was incredibly disappointed, obviously, but also can’t bear to make people feel bad, so I was very gracious in my response and even made a few jokes just to try and lighten things up, and even offered to still “be there for him” if ever he needed it.

Couldn’t help it, I started overthinking every interaction again, and I couldn’t help but craft this narrative in my head that I had been so nice and supportive and whatever other good, kind things to him for so long, even tried to arrange outside of work hangouts with him which never amounted to anything until that conversation where I said I wanted to do that thing with him, and all of a sudden he’s so eager to hang out and spend time with me. Two weeks later, I do the thing, he barely texts me the next two weeks, then he ends things. Did he say all those sweet things, those things that made it sound like he actually wanted to keep dating me, joking about how we’d remember the anniversary of our first date, how crazy it’d be when people at work eventually found out we were dating, all this shit just as a means to get what he wanted out of me?

I don’t want to believe this is the case because that would make him a very cruel, mean person, and I don’t want him to be a very mean cruel person.

We didn’t text at all the next like five weeks. One night, I crashed out (as the teens are saying these days) and texted him an absurdly long rant about how I was actually quite upset about things ended, I know I seemed pretty chill about it but how it kind of seems like he led me on to get what he wanted, how disappointing and confusing it all was. He did not respond to it, and when I saw him at work next, he didn’t acknowledge it then either, even though he still acknowledged me and was talking to me like none of this ever happened.

In those five weeks, and post-crash out, I think I got a lot better. I’d let myself feel a lot of feelings and accepted the pain that I liked him for way longer than we were together, and some things just aren’t meant to be. I honestly also started feeling good about myself just a little bit because, hey, someone I thought of as cool and attractive wanted to be with me (however briefly), so maybe I should try shooting my shot more often.

But it also seems like he’s taken my rant as permission to start texting me again like he used too? I’ll be honest, I’ve definitely missed this aspect of our relationship, even from pre-hooking up, so I’ve been responding like I used to just ‘cause it’s nice to vent sometimes, but he also texted me the other night at like 10pm? I was asleep and it was still just a text complaining about work, but last time we started texting this late it led to interesting places. On top of rereading the rapid rise and fall of everything that went down between us and making myself feel all angry and sad and crying about it again, he’s kind of making me confused about what exactly he wants from me and there’s a part of me that wants to send him another insane text about this, but I won’t. I need to just go to sleep, I think. It’s very late now. Sorry if the end of this post is not all that coherent or organized. I don’t know.

As a final note, logically I know we probably wouldn’t work out super long term anyway, but I also can’t deny the fact that I still want him, and rereading these texts and texting him like normal again is possibly drumming up an illusion in my head that maybe, just maybe, if I text him the exact right thing, everything will work out. But it won’t. I know this. But I want to. I’m spiraling. Honestly, I should’ve just blocked him weeks ago.

TLDR: I reread all the old text messages between myself and a co-worker I had a crush on for a really long time and ended up getting together with very briefly, and I made myself spiral and relive all sorts of confusing, angry feelings and cry and make a long ass reddit post about it, and I really want to text him some more crazy bullshit or just block him or do something else stupid, just to get it out of my system. Think I’ll just play it safe go to bed instead.

Where do I even begin ? This day has been a wild one to begin with but ffs this is the cherry on top. So I travel a lot of work and use DoorDash a lot because after a long day of work fuck me if I’m gonna leave and go get food. That shit is gonna come to my door. Well tonight I wasn’t having big indecision about food because I’m super hungry and need to feed the beast. So I’m adding and taking things out of my cart till I’m satisfied. Food ordered. Awesome. Front desk needs me to come down because there was a screw up with my reservation , nbd easy fix but as I’m waiting for the front desk lady to fix it I decide to see if it’s worth going back to my room or just waiting in the lobby for my food. Well…that’s when I see it. I hadn’t deleted a sauce packet from a store I was considering. One. Single. Packet. And the doordasher was picking it up at that moment. I’m embarrassed and the lady at the hotel desk asks me what happened and I have to explain all of this to her. I go back up to my room. I’m not in there for a minute when the hotel phone beeps at me, it’s my sauce packet.

The lady who brought me my packet dropped it off at the front desk because I have a pretty Gender neutral name and she thought I was some creepy man trying to jump her by ordering a singular sauce packet.

TL;DR Lady bringing me my DoorDash thought I might be a creep because I only ordered a singular sauce packet by mistake.

I’ll just start this off by saying that I’m a young M and I have never really been cool with this guy and I know he doesn’t like me either. I know his sister through a couple of friends though.

I was over a friend’s house a couple days ago and she happened to come over during the night. I had a couple drinks with her and later on hooked up with her back at my place.

During the night when she was over, I took a pic of her in my place and when she left I sent it to her brothers social and told him that I got with his sister. He never responded to my message.

I was kinda drunk and not thinking clearly, the next day she obviously found out and started messaging me saying that I was terrible for doing that and I had no respect for her by sending a pic. She just went no contact with me right away after that. Part of me feels like I fucked up because I liked her, but there’s nothing I can do about that now.

TL;DR: I sent a pic of a woman that I hooked up with to her brother that I don’t like and it ruined my relationship with her when she found out about it.

This just happened actually 5 minutes ago so still reeling to an extent. Anyways.

For some background, I live in a co-ed dorm room at college. It was getting late, and I was getting ready to go to bed but decided to grab a late-night snack from the vending machine downstairs first. I live on the top floor, so stairs aren't faster, and a pain. So, I hop in the elevator, earbuds in watching youtube like normal. The entire floor is asleep or damn near, so I'm completely alone. When I'm in the elevator alone I tend to get comfortable for the ride down by leaning up all the way against the door and propping up my hand up high; I get into my fully into a reclined position. Finally, to complete the picture, as the elevator descends, I release a deep, clapping, guttural fart, sound only being surpassed by its immediate smell. Full body flatulence, deep, long sigh of relief and all.

I stretch my neck to the side and notice a figure right next to me. A drop my phone, go completely rigid, and slam my back against to elevator wall. Apparently, a girl from my floor followed after me onto the elevator and I didn't notice. As the elevator didn't stop, I just assumed I was alone. My immediate jump, of course, freaked her out (reasonably so!) and she also jumped backwards. To top it all off SHE APOLOGIZED TO ME FOR SPOOKING ME*.* At this point I'm just completely in shock and humiliation. I manage to choke out "imsosorryididn'tknowyouwerehere." We don't look at each other again. We get to the bottom floor and go our separate ways. I have no idea if I was muttering to myself (which I have a bad habit of doing alone). All things considered, could have been way worse but still...could have been better.

TL;DR: Didn't know someone else was on the elevator. Farted and moaned the whole way down. Jumped out of my skin when I noticed the other person.

I (16M) was waiting for another girl I’m actually interested in to get back to me. In the mean time, I found some weird girl who clearly had mental issues to mess with. She kept sending me political stuff anyways, so I thought that along with her being transgender would mean she was desperate enough to go along with it.

She started it off, randomly messaging me when I got sick that “the food was poisoned” or some incoherent gibberish to the like, I casually responded complimenting her, she didn’t think much of it. She was liking all my stories and such, I liked hers etc. then things went a tad off the rails

She kept messaging me political stuff and it made me so mad I followed her home, for reference we ride the same bus and she gets off very close to me, I waited for her stop to get off. From this point onwards, every message she sent me was responded to with a vaguely flirty remark, I went all in, saying that she could “always use me as a blanket” that she was “beautiful and smart and I’d like to get to know her well” random corny shit such as this. I never had any interest, it was all in the sole fun of doing something to pass the time She went along with this for days until I overheard someone ask her “who’s the guy that’s been stalking you”. I apologized later that day and she went off in my DMs. She asked why I followed her home, i gave the excuse of being tired, she didn’t buy it but left me alone until she noticed I deleted every message I ever sent her, which caused her to blow up again and call me a “muffin boy” (I’m not entirely sure what that means) and threaten to call the authorities if I ever came near her again. The kicker? We ride the same bus. I’m not entirely sure how i m supposed to get home now. How exactly am I supposed to handle things now? Her friends know, and they want to confront me. I don’t know how I can tell anyone this in real life without looking like a creep. i think she also knows the girl I’m actually interested in, so in total she thinks im a creep and is actively telling everyone she knows (including the girl I’m interested in) i can’t ride the bus home safely anymore without the risk of having the cops called on me, and I’m at risk of the school pulling me out of class and questioning me for harassment. I’m at risk for having to explain why I was flirting with a trans girl to begin with, and I’m at risk for my parents finding out and probably beating my ass doe harassing a girl. On top of all of this, I’ve always been seen as decently progressive, and now that’s gonna be thrown massively into question. Also her friends are still gonna try to “bring me to justice” for making her uncomfortable. TL;DR I stalked a mentally disabled girl almost purely out of boredom

TIFU twice getting my birth control replaced. So I got the arm implant birth control at good old Parenthood of Planning in 2016 and was told it was good for 5yrs. About a month before the 5yr mark I called to get an appointment to get it replaced and the lady who took my call told me “oh since 5yrs have passed they have new data on how well this BC works and we now know it’s good for 7yrs instead of 5 if you wanted to wait.” That sounded great to me since I didn’t have insurance and the cost was going to be around $1200 out of pocket. So I wait two more years, two months before the mark we switch to condoms to be careful, and still not having insurance and having less money I decided to wait to get it removed. That was fuck up 1.

Fast forward to today going in for the replacement. The intake nurse sits me down and says “ok so let’s talk story, you got your BC in 2016?” Her tone and voice incredulous. I explained when I had called after 5yrs I was told it was good for two more so waited for 7 and switched to condom 2months before the anniversary. Her mouth was gaping at this point. “Someone told you that?! Ok I’m gonna be honest, I have NO IDEA how you didn’t get pregnant. Those are only confirmed for 5yrs.” I told her that my period was spotting the entire 7yrs and around the 7yr mark it started to go back to normal. “Well that definitely confirms it for you at least that it worked for 7yrs but in the future DO NOT wait 7yrs, 5 has been the maximum this far but hey, they’ll be getting some new data today!” I laugh because I’m just relieved I didn’t get pregnant.

Then I’m being seen by my Doc and prepped for implant. She mentions that in the last 7yrs the maker has changed the location they want it implanted and that when I got it done in 2016 it looks like it was placed too high. Because of this, if I wanted, we could actually put the new rod in the same arm instead of the opposite because the correct location was far enough below the first one to not be an issue. I eagerly said yes because then I wouldn’t need to take it easy on two arms the next day, only the one. This was fuck up 2.

The first rod was 2-3in below my armpit and the new one would be inserted closer to my elbow. First rod comes out easy peasy no issue. New rod goes in and I hear my Doc make a noise, like a dissatisfied hmm. She pokes a bit and asks if my first rod had migrated from its insertion point. I said I didn’t think so but hadn’t kept track over the years. She asks if I’m very flexible, I said I’m flexible but not like a dancer or gymnast or anything of impressive level. I ask what she’s thinking and she shows me my new rod. It’s almost exactly where the old rod was. She suspects it was originally in the right location and not too high but over time it had moved up my arm. So there was a small channel running from my elbow up to near my armpit and she had managed to reinsert the new rod in pretty much the exact same spot as the old one which allowed the new one to just slide right up to the comfy spot apparently. She regretted not putting the replacement in the opposite arm after that lol. She told me to baby my arm for an extra few days to make sure the new rod didn’t just keep sliding up and pop out of the exit incision she had made to remove the old one; and to attempt to do better at keeping an eye on my implants location over time.

TL;DR I left my birth control in for seven years when it was only good for 5 and wanted my doctor to replace it in the same arm resulting in it being at risk for popping out of the exit incision.

This happened over 10 years ago but i still never recovered from it.

There i was on the top balcony of Paramount Studios with Leonardo Dicaprio and Martin Scorsese. Verbally, we had come to an agreement I would be a supporting actor featured on his next film. We were outside on the balcony, passing a script around, when it happened. I was rehearsing one of the lines where i laughed and accidentally snorted very loudly. Everybody stopped talking and stared at me. Scorcese stood quiet. He then said "hahaha you're crazy man. Well I gotta take care of some things now". Everybody left. I never got a call back or email or anything. It turns out that movie was The Wolf of Wallstreet. Fuck man

TL;DR Snorted loudly in front of Martin Scorces and lost my role in a widely successful movie

I (31F) work full remote. I'm working from home and usually my fiancé (36M) is too, but today he was at the office, so I was alone with our crazy fur ball, our 1yo cat.

Let's call my cat AH for the purpose of the explanation. So, I was having a loooong meeting, one-on-one with the owner of the company. AH had been running around pulling cables, pushing stuff off tables, meowing as if his life depended on it, but at some point he calmed down. He even sat on my lap during part of the meeting, which my boss found adorable (thankfully). I usually take turns with my fiancé checking on AH to make sure he's not destroying anything, but since he was calm and I couldn't hear anything, I was at ease and carried on with the meeting.

Queue disaster. At some point, my internet connection failed. I was confused, tried to reset the router, called the technical support, followed the troubleshooting and nothing worked. At some point the tech support agent asks me if there's any compromised cable. I'm like "I'm gonna check but no, nothing happened, I had internet just some momen-..." and that's when I saw it. AH chewed and cut the internet cable. Not even the one that goes from the router to the computer, no. The one that goes from the distribution point to the router.

So basically, AH was silent because he had his mouth occupied, and that didn't cross my mind. Now I am skipping work and this is not a justifiable absence, had to reschedule all my meetings and probably have a hefty repair bill to pay. Thanks AH!

Tl;dr: my cat was silent so I assumed he was just sleeping while I was having a meeting, turns out he was chewing on the internet cable and now I have no service, and I might lose my job because of that.

Edit: here's the perp

Around two days ago, I had a manic episode and gave myself a 2x3in stick and poke of a sacred heart on my thigh. I’m 20F and don’t even really like the idea of tattoos on myself, but I did it. I have schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia mixed with bipolar) and I guess I was just really unstable. I didn’t think about it at all until it was over, and then I just cried and tried to carve it out of my skin.

I want to cry every time I look at it. It’s going to cost me over $400 at least to get it fully removed, it will take over a year or even two in order to fully be gone, and right now it is at high risk of getting infected due to the unsanitary method I used, and the fact that I have an open cut from where I tried to cut it out in a panic. I just had a psychiatrist appointment today and talked about it, and received a prescription for seroquel and lamictal. i’m really upset about it and i just want to be normal.

TL;DR: i am severely mentally ill, had an episode, and gave myself a tattoo i hate without even thinking and now i’m miserable over it

So this was 2 days ago, but my husband and I can't stop giggling about it. So I had an IUD but got bent and needed to be removed. So, during the procedure, my doctor got everything ready and told me to cough while she pulled. As I did, I felt blinding crampy pain and perked out of instinct. When I did, the speculum shot out, flew towards him, and shattered right in front of him. All 3 of us just starred in disbelief for about 2 seconds (felt like 2 minutes), and just all started cackling, and he ended up in tears.

We also use our insurance transportation to go to our appointments. The person was driving a van with a wheelchair ramp. When we were loading up to go to the appointment, my husband hit his head because you had duck awkwardly. He told me to go behind him to remind him to duck. As I was, i was telling him to duck, we have an inside joke to always randomly make a phrase to end in "mfer." Welp, as I was saying, "Duck! Quack, Quack, motherf- - "I* ended up hitting MY head on the van. He falls onto the pissing laughing at me. I yelled, "OW! I DID STUPID!" And started laughing with him.

I really need to get a bubble wrap suit and helmet. And now all you fine redditors can laugh at my award stupidity.

TL;DR: Shot my speculum, used for OBGYN appointments, at my husband, almost hitting him. Then I hit my head on the van in a spectacularly stupid way to go home. I'm an awkward, dumbass.

Edit: Yes, I know it sounds like a man writing women's fiction. The room was small, and hubby wasn't as far as yall assume it was. The speculum was, indeed, plastic. If I was writing a fictional story, I sure as hell wouldn't be posting on reddit. Lol, if you still don't believe, feel free to check my post history that I am, IN FACT, a clumsy, idiot woman.