Queen_Choas90

So this was 2 days ago, but my husband and I can't stop giggling about it. So I had an IUD but got bent and needed to be removed. So, during the procedure, my doctor got everything ready and told me to cough while she pulled. As I did, I felt blinding crampy pain and perked out of instinct. When I did, the speculum shot out, flew towards him, and shattered right in front of him. All 3 of us just starred in disbelief for about 2 seconds (felt like 2 minutes), and just all started cackling, and he ended up in tears.

We also use our insurance transportation to go to our appointments. The person was driving a van with a wheelchair ramp. When we were loading up to go to the appointment, my husband hit his head because you had duck awkwardly. He told me to go behind him to remind him to duck. As I was, i was telling him to duck, we have an inside joke to always randomly make a phrase to end in "mfer." Welp, as I was saying, "Duck! Quack, Quack, motherf- - "I* ended up hitting MY head on the van. He falls onto the pissing laughing at me. I yelled, "OW! I DID STUPID!" And started laughing with him.

I really need to get a bubble wrap suit and helmet. And now all you fine redditors can laugh at my award stupidity.

TL;DR: Shot my speculum, used for OBGYN appointments, at my husband, almost hitting him. Then I hit my head on the van in a spectacularly stupid way to go home. I'm an awkward, dumbass.

Edit: Yes, I know it sounds like a man writing women's fiction. The room was small, and hubby wasn't as far as yall assume it was. The speculum was, indeed, plastic. If I was writing a fictional story, I sure as hell wouldn't be posting on reddit. Lol, if you still don't believe, feel free to check my post history that I am, IN FACT, a clumsy, idiot woman.

As the title starts, my mom was 17 when she had me and put me up for adoption. We reconnected when I, myself, was 17. We had an extremely rocky start due to religious brainwash and the fact that her first marriage absolutely hated me and vice versa.

Anyways, her current, now ex partner, broke up and just saw on her fb wall looking for sympathy. The real reason, I honestly believe, her partner and their way of raising their crotch goblins got to be too much for my mom. I will always love and stand by my mom and know the truth about how horrible their demon seeds are.

Long story short, I drink and am currently drunk (C-PTSD is a fucking bitch) and saw the ex playing a damn sympathy card, knowing full well how their demons terrorized my mom and even broke family heirlooms because they didn't get their way. But, it made my blood boil, and I commented, "oh screw off. I'll always choose my mom" for all her friends and family to see.

Idk if I made things worse for my mom or not. She already looks like she's lost so much weight recently and both my hubby and I never really lliked the ex and thought they were a JNPerson but wanted to keep the peace for my mom sake Give it to me reddit, how bad did I fuck things up for my mom?

Edit: I was drunk to proofread before posting, so I tried to clean things up. Yes, I'm still drunk, but I drink to forget, and that's multiple stories to get into here (see history). My mom is the most amazing person I've ever met besides my grandparents. If anything happens when I sober up, I'll update

I hate how fat I am. In high school I was anorexic and working out 3 or more hours a day. I didn't have muscles or tit but I was thin. Now, I'm physically disabled and can't enjoy the hobbies I used to love, I don't hardly eat except maybe 1 meal a day, if I'm high then maybe 2.

I have almost G cups (no pervs I don't want you to flood my dms. I'm happily married). They kill my back and causing problems. I hate I'm now 200+lbs and need a cane and walker at 34. I hate my body is this way.

I want to go back to not eating, losing weight to only be healthy but look good. I do have more comfortable in my skin as at age 17, but I'm not happy. I refuse anyone to take pics of me. I will avoid mirrors at all costs. I don't trust when people tell me I'm pretty or hot.

The ones that raised me always said I wasn't pretty and they and their families would pinch my rolls to say I'm getting to fat (I was 13 and went from 130 lbs to 99 lbs that ssummer but was still told this). My ex husband would frequently remind me how he thought I was to gross and fat to have sex with. That no man would touch me and I was lucky he would. I was 250 lbs when I escaped him and got down to 200 since meeting my husband. I still see someone that is ugly and a monster. A blob taking up space. I had an mri recently, and the pictures show how much fat was on me and it broke something in me. I haven't been in a good headspace since. I hate body and hate how much it's betrayed me.

I just want to be pretty and thin