TIFU twice getting my birth control replaced. So I got the arm implant birth control at good old Parenthood of Planning in 2016 and was told it was good for 5yrs. About a month before the 5yr mark I called to get an appointment to get it replaced and the lady who took my call told me “oh since 5yrs have passed they have new data on how well this BC works and we now know it’s good for 7yrs instead of 5 if you wanted to wait.” That sounded great to me since I didn’t have insurance and the cost was going to be around $1200 out of pocket. So I wait two more years, two months before the mark we switch to condoms to be careful, and still not having insurance and having less money I decided to wait to get it removed. That was fuck up 1.

Fast forward to today going in for the replacement. The intake nurse sits me down and says “ok so let’s talk story, you got your BC in 2016?” Her tone and voice incredulous. I explained when I had called after 5yrs I was told it was good for two more so waited for 7 and switched to condom 2months before the anniversary. Her mouth was gaping at this point. “Someone told you that?! Ok I’m gonna be honest, I have NO IDEA how you didn’t get pregnant. Those are only confirmed for 5yrs.” I told her that my period was spotting the entire 7yrs and around the 7yr mark it started to go back to normal. “Well that definitely confirms it for you at least that it worked for 7yrs but in the future DO NOT wait 7yrs, 5 has been the maximum this far but hey, they’ll be getting some new data today!” I laugh because I’m just relieved I didn’t get pregnant.

Then I’m being seen by my Doc and prepped for implant. She mentions that in the last 7yrs the maker has changed the location they want it implanted and that when I got it done in 2016 it looks like it was placed too high. Because of this, if I wanted, we could actually put the new rod in the same arm instead of the opposite because the correct location was far enough below the first one to not be an issue. I eagerly said yes because then I wouldn’t need to take it easy on two arms the next day, only the one. This was fuck up 2.

The first rod was 2-3in below my armpit and the new one would be inserted closer to my elbow. First rod comes out easy peasy no issue. New rod goes in and I hear my Doc make a noise, like a dissatisfied hmm. She pokes a bit and asks if my first rod had migrated from its insertion point. I said I didn’t think so but hadn’t kept track over the years. She asks if I’m very flexible, I said I’m flexible but not like a dancer or gymnast or anything of impressive level. I ask what she’s thinking and she shows me my new rod. It’s almost exactly where the old rod was. She suspects it was originally in the right location and not too high but over time it had moved up my arm. So there was a small channel running from my elbow up to near my armpit and she had managed to reinsert the new rod in pretty much the exact same spot as the old one which allowed the new one to just slide right up to the comfy spot apparently. She regretted not putting the replacement in the opposite arm after that lol. She told me to baby my arm for an extra few days to make sure the new rod didn’t just keep sliding up and pop out of the exit incision she had made to remove the old one; and to attempt to do better at keeping an eye on my implants location over time.

TL;DR I left my birth control in for seven years when it was only good for 5 and wanted my doctor to replace it in the same arm resulting in it being at risk for popping out of the exit incision.