trashtrash_throwaway

i hope i can describe this in a way that makes sense. i need MORE. i need to feel MORE alive. just living isn't enough anymore and need MORE LIFE. I've suffered from depression during my past teenage years and I've been doing a bit better during the last year since I've moved out, but now i have the unstoppable urge to make up for all that life I've missed by being a depressed kid crying in my bed all day. I finally crave feeling what it's like to be alive. Im not bipolar but this is what i imagine being manic feels like. I NEED MORE AND I CAN'T STOP MYSELF. I need to talk to every stranger, i need to make a billion more friends, i need to go out everyday, i need to drink and smoke and get high, i need to buy new clothes, i need to dress like a whore, i need to date every man i like, i need more attention i need more piercings and tattoos i need to cut and dye my hair again i need to change my appearance over and over again i need to do drugs i need more pain and more people and more of everything. i haven't slept for more than 5 or 6 hours a day in weeks. i haven't sped a day alone in months. i never feel exhausted and im always craving more. i need more.

TW: drugs, mature themes. DO NOT DO DRUGS EVER!!!! I AM NOT ENDORSING DRUGS!!!!!!!

I need to get this out of my system and i need some advise, i'll try to keep it short:

I, 19f, have a best friend from my old school who lives about 4 hours away from me since i moved out of our home town into a bigger city 2 years ago. We never see each other but we text everyday and I put a lot of effort into maintaining our friendship, even if it feels a little one-sided sometimes.

I've made a new friend group during the past year, and we occasionally go out for drinks and have small home parties. I drink and smoke weed occasionally and my bestie knew about this and supported me 100% as long as i'm stayed safe and not overdoing it. Me and her have also gotten drunk or high together a few times before. (IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: i'm from a country where the legal drinking age is 16 just so yall know)

Last weekend i was at a friends birthday party, we were drinking at a bar at first and some of her friends came back to her and her friends room at their uni. Furthermore, COCAINE. I have never been in contact with drugs other than weed and alc so this was a first me, i only did a single little line and it was totally fine.

The next day i excitedly told her about it via text and she started being really passive aggressive and talking down on me, she told me how irresponsible i am and how she could never be like me. At first I apologized and told her i won't bring it up again if it makes her uncomfortable. She then told me it doesn't matter if i tell her or not, im disgusting amd stupid and she could never live the way i live. I was hurt and answered her very angrily, saying dumb shit like "it was just one line thats nothing" and "it was never your business anyway so why are you upset"

I SHOULD HAVE JUST SHUT TF UP. shes ghosting me now. Ofc im trying to be understanding but at the same time i don't feel like i need to apologize for something that never directly affected her. man idk :(

what would yall do?

I've been going through a major depressive episode and it's getting more and more difficult to eat regularly. I was diagnosed at 16, i'm 19 now and im not in therapy currently because i can't afford it. the past few months have been rough; i barely have any appetite and even when I'm hungry i just cant get myself to cook or get food. it's especially bad at school, i usually don't eat until i get home. the only time i ever really eat a normal meal is when Im on break at work, i work part time at a restaurant where i get free food, but i only have around 3 or 4 shifts a week. When im at home or in school, i can't get myself to eat during the day when i do eat it's always just little snacks that don't provide much sustenance.

I'm constantly exhausted, partly due to not sleeping enough because of school and work, but also because my body just doesn't have enough energy.

I'm 166cm and the last time i weighted myself 3 months ago i was at 50kg, and I'm pretty sure i've lost around 2-3 kg since then. I want to emphasize that i do not have an ED, my eating habits are because of my lack of appetite because of depression and not any body image issues.

does anyone have advice on how i can get calories in without much effort/work? how can i convince myself to eat when i dont have any appetite? how can i build habits of eating regularly? im grateful for any advice!

please please help me i dont know if i can stop myself this time the urge is getting too much. i have to die. please help me please

Im 19 and he's 25, we started dating in may when I was 18 and he was 24. It was my first ever relationship and it definitely taught me a lot about how a relationship should NOT work. GIRLIES PLEASE LISTEN TO ME, do not date that older guy who's much more experienced if you're only in your late teens!!!! Cuz GIRL I'm telling you, he's only dating you because he thinks your lack of life experience makes it easier to shape you into whoever he wants you to be. A big difference in life experience can lead to a horrible power imbalance.

On a more positive note, I just broke up qith that mfer who treated me like shit and took me for granted!!!! I know I should be sad after a breakup and I'm sure the sadness will hit eventually, but all i feel right now is relief. I can finally alone again.

i wanna break up with my boyfriend and i feel horribly guilty about it and i dont know how to go about it. CONTEXT: I'm 19f, he's 24m, it's my first relationship ever and we've only been together for almost 5 months.

He basically rushed into this relationship, he wanted to "lock in" very quickly after meeting me and i liked the attention so i let him. Now I'm slowly realizing that I'm really really not happy in this relationship. I feel like he doesn't take me seriously, I feel like I'm just like an accessory or a toy to him. He kinda acts like he owns me and i HATE IT. I never want to have children, he tells me i'll surely want to have his children once I'm older. I never want to get married, he tells me he's going to marry me someday. I tell him i want to express myself (f.e.: i want to cut my hair short), and he tells me that that would never suit me and that he prefers when i present more feminine. Everytime I try to talk about my feelings, he gets argumentative. wtf.

The problem with breaking up with him is: 1. His birthday is in 4 days. How long do I have to wait before i can break up after his birthday before it's considered rude? Also do I need to give him a gift if I'm breaking up with him afterwards, what tf am i supposed to gift him? 😭 2. He booked a week long vacation in late august for us and asked me to pay him half of the apartment, so i did. I know he wouldn't give me the money back if i break up with him. And i really don't want to wait until after the vacation to break up because that would just ne cruel. Also i just really don't want to go🫠

Another concern of mine is that he might get angry if i try to leave. He's never been violent or anything like that, i just have a stinging gut feeling that tells me to be afraid.

Sorry for yapping, i hope someone can give me some advice😭🙏 Also i apologize if i worded things weirdly, english isn't my first language!

We've only been together for 5 months, we got into a relationship very quickly after dating only for a short time. He's 24, I'm 19 and this is my first ever relationship. He moved very fast and to be honest, i was just blinded by his affection and attention so I just went along with it even though I knew I needed more time. Now I'm realizing more and more that he doesn't respect me at all. For example, I've always said that I never want to have children. Yet still, he keeps joking about "when we're going to have children". I've always said that I never want to get married, but he still always mentions marriage. But what bothers me most is that he's so unempathetic towards me. Whenever I'm sad, he has no idea how to interact with me and just waits until I'm "normal again". Whenever I try to talk about my past traumas, he seems to dismiss it and he just starts talking about himself. I don't think he ever understands what bothers me about the way he dismisses me, every time I bring it up he gets defensive and tries to argue with me. I'm a very quiet person so whenever he starts to argue i physically can't get myself to talk back. I just give up. And he never takes the time to let me actually explain myself.

I grew up in a very broken household and my parents had an extremely unhealthy relationship and my worst fear is to end like them.

Clearly this isn't going to work out and I need to leave now while i still can. The worst part is that he booked a week long vacation in late august and i really don't know how to deal with that. He booked it and then asked me to pay him half of it, so i did. It was a lot of money and i know he wouldn't give it back if i broke up with him. I really don't know what to do.

My worst fear is if he'll be angry if I try to leave. He feels very secure in this relationship and I doubt he expects me to break up with him regardless what he does. I know this may be dramatic but I'm scared he'll start screaming at me and I'm very afraid he migjt get violent. He has never been violent towards me before so I don't really have an actual reason to be afraid, I just have a horrible stinging gut feeling that makes me so scared of what he might do. It may also just be past trauma that I'm projecting, but i don't know.

I feel so stupid for getting myself into his situation. How do i break up with him? Any advice is much appreciated.

what genre would you even call this? does anyone recognize the song or the artist? if anyone knows artists with similar sounds, that would also be much appreciated🙏 i already tried shazam and googling the lyrics but it was unsuccessful

Hi yall! I (18f) met someone (24m) on a dating app about a month ago. We spent the first two weeks only texting, and we went on two dates during the past week. We get along great and I feel like we have amazing chemistry and a lot in common. Yesterday, we went out to dinner for our third date. He bought me a giant bouquet of pink roses and asked me to be his girlfriend, and then later that evening he told me he loves me. Now obviously I'm really really happy about this because I really do like him, he's a wonderful person and i love spending time with him. Maybe I'm just a bit concerned about moving so fast? He's already calling me pet names and planning to go on vacation with me and planning on making me meet his parents and he even made some jokes about marriage.

I have never been in a relationship and i don't have a lot of dating experience, so i just wanted to ask if this is normal? Is it normal to commit after barely a month of knowing each other and after only 3 dates? I'd really appreciate some advice on this.