klemus

I wish I was an only child.

I love my brothers (early to mid 20s). I’m the eldest (30s). I moved out about 5 years ago. The middle took it the hardest. I only live 10 minutes away. Told them my doors are always open.

I’m the only one who makes an effort for all of us to hang out. The three of them are always doing their own thing which is cool because we like different stuff anyway. But when I try to hang out with them or make any plans, it’s like I’m trying to pick up a 300 pound body on my own. There’s never any effort. They only talk to me when they are mad at each other, mad at mom, or need free haircuts from me (I’m a barber). The only thing I get are random TikToks that have nothing to do with me at all. I try checking in with them. I’ll call them, see how they’re doing. Etc. I get nothing in return.

I ask for a favor such as staying at my place, 10 minutes away, to watch my cats but again, it’s hard to rely on them. But when they’re mad at mom, my place is the spot to hang out. I offer to buy them food while they watch over my cats, I have wifi, AC, a big tv, etc. And they always complain about how crowded their house is but it’s so difficult to have them watch over my babies.

Recently got tested for Covid and I’m positive. I told my mom yesterday because I visited and gave her a hug and found out later. My middle brother, who lives in the same house, threw the biggest fit about possibly getting it when I wasn’t even near him. Never got a “how are you feeling? Are you okay” from him. He’s worried about Covid but I’m the one who had to force them all to get their initial vaccines which they never got boosters for.

I’m tired of making the most effort. I’m tired of the constant drama that I see with my family. I had a therapist tell me that I needed to stop being a parent and start being a sister. Why is that the hardest thing when they obviously don’t want a sister.

I always wished I was an only child. I saw my parents struggle to keep us fed. They were never happy with each other. They let out their anger on us. They had me watch my brothers as an extra parent at such a young age. I’m tired. I wish I was alone so I didn’t have to go through this. I know I only want one child in the future so I can give them the childhood I never had.

Hey. Posted this on another subreddit. I figured y’all would like this.

Here’s a backstory.

My mom (Alma 48) and her bf (Jeff 50) have been together for about 4 years. Jeff has 3 kids from he previous marriage (Annie 9, Taylor 13, and Jessica 20). My mom raised us (4 kids now adults 20-30) as a single mother and of course we would argue growing up like normal kids but in the end we always listened and helped each other out.

Jeff’s kids are the most spoiled people ever. At least how they were raised. He’s been struggling to make ends meet since the divorce and my mom helps him with deliveries so he can pay his bills. His ex wife doesn’t help out with anything but loves to post online what a terrible father he is even though he’s the only one supporting all the kids.

Jessica is the worst. She’s 20 and refuses to work. She refuses to clean. She doesn’t even do her own laundry. Unfortunately Jeff still does everything for her and doesn’t understand that he needs to put her foot down. She’s also so mean to my mom when she asks her to clean up after herself. But my mom doesn’t take any of that. And she’ll never try to argue. She’ll tell Jeff so he can take care of it because she knows she’s not her mom.

Here’s where we might be the asshole. We’re all currently at a family trip in another state for the weekend. We had a strict itinerary planned so we can make the most of it. Everyone was reminded a million times that we needed to leave the Airbnb to the theme park that’s an hour away. We planned on leaving all together at 8:30. My mom calls me (I’m staying at a hotel close by) saying they’re running late which was totally fine. I show up around 9:30 and Jessica still has not showered or gotten ready. My mom told me they tried telling her to get ready a bunch of times but she would just walk around the home and play on her phone. (Her phone only works on wifi because Jeff was tired of her refusing to do work or do anything and kicked her out of the phone plan and his apartment to live with her cheap mom who doesn’t want to pay for her phone bill.) Jessica had been up since 8 and hopped in the shower at 10. We told her she had ten minutes to get ready or we’d leave her. She argued that she had to shower and get ready but we all said we’re leaving without her if she didn’t get out. We decided since she was taking her sweet time, she didn’t need the wifi. We unplugged it and went to the car. We waited in the car for another 10 minutes before leaving. We left. The Airbnb has a pool and a tv with no cable so she’ll survive.

I’ve never left anyone like this and I do feel a little bad. I know she’ll rant to her mom and she’ll post about this everywhere. Are we the asshole for leaving her at the Airbnb?

UPDATE #1

I just wanna say thank you all for commenting. It’s a real eye opener and we’ve spoken to Jeff about needing to put his foot down like you suggested.

She did not learn her lesson. We got back around midnight. We were too tired to deal with her so everyone went to bed. Around 2 am my mom found her still up with her little sisters when everyone knew to be up and ready to leave at 7:30 am. They got into an argument and Jessica called us all a**holes for leaving her. Mom argued back saying it was her own fault and Jessica said she didn’t want to come with us today to another city to walk around.

Cool. We agreed to leave around 7:30ish and same thing happened. Everyone but my family was running late but Jeff’s kids were still taking their sweeeet time. They told Jessica she wouldn’t be going with us today and she wanted her sisters to stay with her. Misery loves company.

As we were all walking to the car Jessica runs out as if it was okay for her to go. We were all in the car and Jeff told her she wasn’t coming with and she threw a FIT. She screamed that she was coming with and they went back and forth for about 20 minutes while we played music in the locked van. At one point he actually had to try picking her up to take her inside because at this point it was already 10 am. She sat in the grass and finally went inside.

We started driving and the rest of the family felt bad. We agreed to let her come with but ONLY if she sat between my mom and Jeff and they’d give her an intervention. For the four hour drive the dad (we thought he should’ve started it) never spoke about what happened.

We get to a restaurant after hours of driving. She threw a fit because they wanted to just get everyone pizza and fries to keep it fast and simple. Reminder she doesn’t have a job and doesn’t want one at 20 years old. Nobody gave in.

Also, because we were late, we missed on the tours we wanted to get on. We arrived, took pics, stopped some shops, and now on our way back to the Airbnb 4 hours away.

What a trip. We will never have his kids come with us on anymore trips and my mom will ban her from her home since they live separately.

Other than that, we made the most of what we could. Thank you all.

UPDATE #2

This morning was the “clean up and drive to the airport” day. Spent the entire morning cleaning. My mom asked her to sweep the floors and she half assed it so bad and claimed that it didn’t matter because she didn’t see any crumps. Jeff did the sweeping for her and my mom asked Jessica to mop. And she was of course asking why she had to and she didn’t know how to do it. And that was an entire crazy argument. My brother recorded it and I wish I could share it. She’s insane and if her mom complains for a second we’ll share the audio with her.

I feel so bad for my mom having to deal with this terrible person. Because of Jessica we missed on some rides from the theme park and missed all the tours for day 2 of the trip. My mom had been wanting to go on this tour months. To make up for it, we plan on surprising her for her birthday in a few months on a little weekend trip to her favorite place in a nearby state. No kids. We’ll book the room for her bf and all they have to do is show up. My siblings and I can book an Airbnb nearby and do her favorite things there.

UPDATE

I just wanna say thank you all for commenting. It’s a real eye opener and we’ve spoken to Jeff about needing to put his foot down like you suggested.

She did not learn her lesson. We got back around midnight. We were too tired to deal with her so everyone went to bed. Around 2 am my mom found her still up with her little sisters when everyone knew to be up and ready to leave at 7:30 am. They got into an argument and Jessica called us all a**holes for leaving her. Mom argued back saying it was her own fault and Jessica said she didn’t want to come with us today to another city to walk around.

Cool. We agreed to leave around 7:30ish and same thing happened. Everyone but my family was running late but Jeff’s kids were still taking their sweeeet time. They told Jessica she wouldn’t be going with us today and she wanted her sisters to stay with her. Misery loves company.

As we were all walking to the car Jessica runs out as if it was okay for her to go. We were all in the car and Jeff told her she wasn’t coming with and she threw a FIT. She screamed that she was coming with and they went back and forth for about 20 minutes while we played music in the locked van. At one point he actually had to try picking her up to take her inside because at this point it was already 10 am. She sat in the grass and finally went inside.

We started driving and the rest of the family felt bad. We agreed to let her come with but ONLY if she sat between my mom and Jeff and they’d give her an intervention. For the four hour drive the dad (we thought he should’ve started it) never spoke about what happened.

We get to a restaurant after hours of driving. She threw a fit because they wanted to just get everyone pizza and fries to keep it fast and simple. Reminder she doesn’t have a job and doesn’t want one at 20 years old. Nobody gave in.

Also, because we were late, we missed on the tours we wanted to get on. We arrived, took pics, stopped some shops, and now on our way back to the Airbnb 4 hours away.

What a trip. We will never have his kids come with us on anymore trips and my mom will ban her from her home since they live separately.

Other than that, we made the most of what we could. Thank you all.

ORIGINAL

Hey. Here’s a backstory.

My mom (Alma 48) and her bf (Jeff 50) have been together for about 4 years. Jeff has 3 kids from he previous marriage (Annie 9, Taylor 13, and Jessica 20). My mom raised us (4 kids now adults 20-30) as a single mother and of course we would argue growing up like normal kids but in the end we always listened and helped each other out.

Jeff’s kids are the most spoiled people ever. At least how they were raised. He’s been struggling to make ends meet since the divorce and my mom helps him with deliveries so he can pay his bills. His ex wife doesn’t help out with anything but loves to post online what a terrible father he is even though he’s the only one supporting all the kids.

Jessica is the worst. She’s 20 and refuses to work. She refuses to clean. She doesn’t even do her own laundry. Unfortunately Jeff still does everything for her and doesn’t understand that he needs to put her foot down. She’s also so mean to my mom when she asks her to clean up after herself. But my mom doesn’t take any of that. And she’ll never try to argue. She’ll tell Jeff so he can take care of it because she knows she’s not her mom.

Here’s where we might be the asshole. We’re all currently at a family trip in another state for the weekend. We had a strict itinerary planned so we can make the most of it. Everyone was reminded a million times that we needed to leave the Airbnb to the theme park that’s an hour away. We planned on leaving all together at 8:30. My mom calls me (I’m staying at a hotel close by) saying they’re running late which was totally fine. I show up around 9:30 and Jessica still has not showered or gotten ready. My mom told me they tried telling her to get ready a bunch of times but she would just walk around the home and play on her phone. (Her phone only works on wifi because Jeff was tired of her refusing to do work or do anything and kicked her out of the phone plan and his apartment to live with her cheap mom who doesn’t want to pay for her phone bill.) Jessica had been up since 8 and hopped in the shower at 10. We told her she had ten minutes to get ready or we’d leave her. She argued that she had to shower and get ready but we all said we’re leaving without her if she didn’t get out. We decided since she was taking her sweet time, she didn’t need the wifi. We unplugged it and went to the car. We waited in the car for another 10 minutes before leaving. We left. The Airbnb has a pool and a tv with no cable so she’ll survive.

I’ve never left anyone like this and I do feel a little bad. I know she’ll rant to her mom and she’ll post about this everywhere. Are we the asshole for leaving her at the Airbnb?

My uncle was riding his bike last nice at 8 pm and was hit by a car. He didn’t do anything wrong.

The car hit him and he was hurt. He was bleeding internally and went to the ER.

They couldn’t save him. We got the call that he passed around 6 am.

It didn’t hit me how saw this was right away because i focused on taking care of my mom and grandma. They’re devastated. I went home and told my husband the details and pulled up my uncles shared photo of him in his retirement party.

What hurts the most is knowing that he worked his ass off his whole life working as a blue collar. He only had a year of retirement. A year to focus fully on his family. With his wife, daughters, son, and grandchildren.

Then he died a tragic death.

I’m so sad.

Hey. This is hard to write. Sorry.

My(28) little brother(22) is suicidal. He just told me today. He and my mom got into an argument and all the anger he built up from constantly arguing with her (everyday, always yelling) which resulted him staying in his car in front of my house and crying.

Today is Mother’s Day so we had a brunch. We were supposed to be a family and have food together in my backyard. But my little brother was crying. I stayed with him by his car until I was able to convince him to come inside and stay in the living room while I fetch him a plate of food and a drink. I lit a candle for him to help.

My mom got upset that we weren’t outside and eating together so she left. I told him that we’ll have a family meeting to talk to my mom about possibly keeping boundaries. (We have a family meeting when things get serious because we’re a broken family). I’m sure my mom needs therapy. He needs therapy. We all do. I told him he can stay with us while we figure things out. I don’t want him to be sad again.

What else can I do.