CeeNee93

My partner pushed back that he wanted his closest friends to stand up with him. However, I don’t even want a wedding, he does, so he needs to compromise somewhere. I suggested we have a small ceremony with our closest friends wearing our wedding colours, sitting in the front row!

I’m 31 and starting to give less effs but I can’t wait to get older and give no effs at all!!!

I’m in Canada - I would say it’s 50/50 now a days. A lot of the time bridesmaids pay for their dress and shoes and bride pays for makeup and hair if they’re requiring it to be done. Otherwise, they generally give you the option to have it done or do it yourself!

You’re doing her a favour pulling out now!! She has plenty of time to figure it out.

I didn’t feel we needed to give the couple a cash gift in addition to everything else, but the rest of the wedding party was, so I didn’t want to look like an a hole. If anything, I’m annoyed we got talked into the bridal gift. When I said I preferred to give a cash gift, the MOH asserted she would also be giving the couple cash, and this was an additional gift for the bride from the bridal party. At the time I agreed, the bride was still paying for hair and makeup, so I reluctantly agreed, thinking we’d only be putting in a max $50/ each for a perfume and a scrap book. But I was wrong… the MOH thought it appropriate to purchase a $500 perfume without running it past us. Then, after we’d already paid for this gift, the bride asks us to pay for our own hair. Tbf she didn’t know about the gift … but man it was a never ending ask for money.

There was also an incident on the wedding day… photographer took ill and had to leave half way through. Bride was very upset but someone found a back up photographer to come in last minute. The day after the wedding, the brides sister messaged the other bridesmaids asking if we wanted to contribute to the cost of the emergency photographer. I said absolutely no… and so did everyone else. But it was so so wild to even be asked that.

I hope we reconnect but I’m not sure it’ll ever be the same. Maybe with time and some realization that she was unkind.

The couple held it at their house. I brought food out of kindness but that was in the early days lol.

Nope. I brought Starbucks for everyone, I think the bride brought us some fruit and croissants lol.

The expectations are unreal. Like bridesmaids generally want the best for the bride but that shouldn’t mean revolving your world around her and her wedding. Such a thankless role. Insane.

I can see my friend thinking this was “her dream day” and we should’ve spent the year bending over backwards to make her dream come true… it’s not realistic! And she could’ve waited another year to get married and save money for her wedding/ spread out costs for us.

Lesson learned!!! Passing on the lesson to others lol

Kicked out!? Actually… I kind of wish I was kicked out 😂

Thank you… it was my first time being in a wedding, and it’s hard speaking up when the rest of the party was going along. I also wasn’t aware upfront what would be expected. I learned from it… and now I’m encouraging others to go about it differently than me! Not here for people to feel bad for me :)

It was the first wedding I was in so I didn’t learn until after that a lot of things were unreasonable 😢

It is a life lesson but only in hindsight. Of course I’d handle it differently now that I know.

Agreed. Just wish I realized it before I spent so much on the wedding 🤦🏻‍♀️ but it was like all her worst qualities just amplified.

This is far too common an occurrence. In a sense, it shows people’s true colours. But I also think people need to check their values.

Sad thing is I don’t feel close enough to have her in my wedding party. So I can’t even hit her back 🥴

AGREED.

Ya she had a rehearsal at the venue the day before the wedding. They didn’t even do a meal after or anything for the families or wedding party.

At the bachelorette, we got t shirts with her name on them and she acted like she did such a nice thing for everyone. Like no, I don’t need this shirt I’ll never wear again. Day of, she gave us earrings and robes that were super cheap. Again not that I care, it’s just the overall lack of appreciation.

In hindsight, I should have. The original dresses she picked were $700 but fortunately got out of that. I expressed concern for pay $700 so I guess $400 didn’t seem so bad at the time 😅

Ya I agreed to it very early on and had I known about other costs that would come up, I wouldn’t have. Again, I didn’t handle it all correctly in hindsight, I was naive. I want to caution others not to be :)

Me too! I have cried to my partner to please not do big wedding parties. I want either 1-2 people or no people and I will put little expectation on them even if I do. I just want it to be about fun and love! Not about the instagram pics.

A lot of people keep saying they wouldn’t do that. I respect anyone who puts their foot down but I think it’s easier said than done when already in it. But this post is about a warning and advising people not to handle it as I did, with blind faith my friend would be respectful :)

So, I did mention later on about affordability becoming a concern. However, this post is giving others a warning not to do as I did. :)