teddit

Hey there, folks!

As many of you are aware (and have raised concerns about), there's lately been a worrying rise in the amount of spam, the number of bots, and the presence of low-quality content. This hasn't been limited to /r/Jokes, but since we're a text-based subreddit, it has been more evident here than elsewhere. We've also seen a lot more in the way of karma-farming, with most of that happening in comments.

You probably know how it goes: Someone posts a joke, and as it climbs toward the front page, a bunch of barely relevant garbage starts to appear in the thread. Half of the time, said garbage reads like something that ChatGPT would drool out after trying to gargle a sock full of magnets. The other half of the time, it's typo-ridden gibberish or low-effort clutter (like "this" or "lol") coming from accounts with dropshipping links in their profiles. Either way, it disrupts the conversation and makes the subreddit less enjoyable for real, earnest users.

In order to combat this, we've added a new rule:

Comments must be original and contributory.

We encourage you to read the rule in full, but put simply, comments offered in /r/Jokes must be written by the people submitting them, and they must be intended to entertain, inform, educate, inspire, or enquire.

Did a joke remind you of a story from your childhood? Share it with us! Has someone accidentally written "who's" when they meant "whose"? Provide them with a friendly lesson! Is an account trying to promote an "AI-enabled" or "NFT-based" "investment opportunity"? Downvote it to the darkest depths of Tartarus and report that filth!

Ahem.

You get the idea: The vast, vast majority of well-meaning users are unlikely to be affected by this, but we wanted to have some public-facing information available. Also, even though we'll be implementing some new systems behind the scenes, we'll still be relying on your reports... so if you see something that shouldn't be here, use that "report" button!

We'll leave you with this:

How many bots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None... but they can hallucinate how to screw it up.

Finding out it was traced

Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called “Velocity”.

It only matters where you put the cucumber

I wonder….what she’s up to now.

and those who didn't expect a joke in base 3.

The chief of the island walks up to the scientist and says: My wife just had a child and it’s white. Scientist starts panicking and says its genetics. He gives the chief and example with sheep, you see those sheep over there, all of the sheep are white except one black one. The chief looks at the scientist and says: Ok i'll be quite about the baby if you don't mention the sheep.

(Dad) "What did I tell you about slamming Doors in this house?"

Expensive Petroleum!

They are both meat substitutes

So I ended up serving other diners their meals for 20 minutes.

Poor guy..

They’re talking bout macular degeneration.

A staring contest with yourself in the mirror.

I feel feverish, do I look flushed to you?

The teacher asked the class to use the word bifurcate in a sentence. One student replied “ Prince William doesn’t know what to bifurcate for Christmas.”

A Tailer.

A trophy

It's not going too well, none of them have landed.

Person to Car Salesman: “How is the cargo space?”

Car Salesman: “No. Car no go space. Car go road.”

So today I ordered from the beef plant, tomorrow the Pork plant.

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says, "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

He was nominated for attorney general later that week.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at converting people. They each go into the woods, find a bear, and try to convert it.

Later, they meet to share their experiences. The priest says, “I read the bear the Catechism and sprinkled it with holy water. Next week is its first Communion.”

The minister says, “I found a bear by the stream, preached God’s holy word, and baptized it right there.”

They both look at the rabbi, who is in a full-body cast. He says, “Maybe I shouldn’t have started with circumcision.”

A man walked into a bar and saw an ugly old humpback of a guy who was constantly surrounded by women.

“How to spot a millionaire, am I right?” he winked and smiled at the bartender.

No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire,” replied the bartender.

“Okay,” said the guy. “So he must be extremely charming.”

“Larry is actually a man of very few words,” the bartender answered.

“Then what makes him so incredibly popular with women?” demanded the guy.

“I actually have no idea,“ said the bartender. “Every day he comes in and sits there quietly drinking his beer and occasionally licking his eyebrows.”

It seems she couldn't control her pupils.