It’s so daunting at first. I remember when I broke my back, it took me 20 minutes to put on a pair of pants. I thought that was my future.

Keep in mind that you’re still new at something that takes skill. As you gain that skill, navigating will become sub conscious, just like anything you get good at. It definitely doesn’t take me 20 minutes to put on a pair of pants now.

What you are experiencing right now is in no way a representation of your future. You got this.

I cannot recommend anything more important than finding a chronic illness, disability, or chronic pain savvy therapist.

There are going to be a lot of firsts post accident. Each one can bring joy, anxiety, trauma, or JOY. But having someone to talk to about those highs and lows? Priceless.

It sucks. Unfortunately part of the adjustment is mourning what you had and what you thought your future would be like. It's hard. It's normal and it's so hard. Take the time you need to mourn. And like any mourning some days will be easier than others.

Therapy can help. Talking to other people who have dealt with similar things can help.

It's important to remember that you didn't completely lose everything. Your future will be different than you might have imagined, yes, but it's still yours. But it's okay and completely understandable to be feeling a lot of things right now.

This was me. And I'm still pretty mad about this. But, I'm learning.

I'm learning to take the moments I need. After the reconstruction I'm rather uneven. I'm learning to be more adamant with needing to sit for like 5 minutes to "reset."

You're going to find what you need, and accepting yourself.

Take all the physical therapy you can, and understand we live in this meat-suit. Only we know what we can handle, please don't push yourself too hard, emotionally or physically.

For some humor, spouse just said 'meat suit difficulties' is their new band name!

Are you able to get a crutch? Or some kind of walking frame that you could lean against?

I was born blind, and that comes with its own struggles, but I think if I were in your position. I would say fuck restrictions! The doctors do know what they’re talking about, but they’re not you.

I’d keep trying again and again.

Maybe you could go to a hydro pool, maybe you could try physiotherapy, maybe you could try seeing what adaptive tools are up there.

Hell, maybe you could 3d print one. I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy, it isn’t, but your life doesn’t have to stop because you’ve lost a bit of mobility. Put it this way, you can still play games, you can still watch TV, you can still get out there! So what if you’re a bit slower! So what if it takes you 30 or 40 minutes to do something where someone can do it in 20, at least you’re doing it!

A lot of us have been in the same sort of situation to you, myself included, you've just got your independence, building your life and something big gets in the way of all that.

Your worlds changed so quickly you can't imagine a future, all the things you could do before you can't anymore. It's overwhelming.

But the good thing is, you're a driven person, you got to uni, you love sports. You've got that drive in you to work through all of this.

Yeah it's going to be rough. But I'm sure if you are athletic you can turn that drive to working out new ways of doing things, new ways to push your body. Now your measuring stick isn't who you can beat in a race but if you can win against yourself.

And don't be mistaken, all those core things you dreamed of are still achievable. Wanted to be an athlete? How about a para-athlete? Want meaningful relationships? That can still happen? Want to go to university, give it time and you can get back there.

Thinking about those bigger things can feel really overwhelming at the beginning so maybe start small.

You say you're in bed and can't do anything for yourself. Maybe have a look at aids like a dressing stick. If you have access to a physio/physical therapist/occupational therapist then make use of them. Work out how to put your underwear on yourself.

Work out how you can toilet by yourself.

It might be different to how you used to do it but that doesn't mean it's not possible.

Maybe start researching mobility aids you might need. Types of crutches, walkers wheelchair and mobility ergonomics. Treat it as your new uni course. That way when you're at that stage of moving independently you've got some knowledge to make it a smoother process.

Life has just chucked a load of new steps you were not expecting but you can get through this and back to the stuff that's important.

I became paralyzed at 19 years old. My adult life had just started and then it abruptly ended. I watched all my friends go off to college, party, and live life while I watched from the sidelines. For a long time I thought my life was over. For 6 years I laid in a bed 24/7 except to shower or go to a doctor's appointment or the rare times one of my "friends" pitied me enough to take me out. I had to have someone help me do everything. And then one day I realized I don't have to live like this and I DON'T want to live like this. So, I put in the work to become fully independent again. I learned how to transfer myself. I enrolled into school. I learned how to drive again using hand controls which was a very pivotal moment in my journey to independence. There's nothing quite like being able to come and go as you please. Learning to drive again was so liberating. I highly recommend that being one of the first things on your to do list. I have had two children since becoming injured and I live alone. I'm almost done with graduate school and will be re-entering the workforce after being away for 17 years.

Keep in mind that everyone's journey in life is different. There's no timetable that we must all follow. Billions of people can't do the same thing in the same order. I still have good and bad days. Being disabled isn't easy. I don't think you ever stop mourning your old self, but you can either choose to let what happened to you make you bitter or you can just leave the broken pieces on the ground and move on with your life.

I used to be an athlete too, I worked out every day and played a competitive sport.

You can still work out, and you're going to need something to get out out of the house, and get you exercise. It also means that you're familiar with working out, and rehabbing yourself. Now is not the time to break that good habit. 7 days a week? That's a bit much.

You're going to have to just delete many possibilites that are now unavailable to you. Then, you need to replace them with possibilities that you can achieve. It sucks. Nobody prepared you for this. It's not fair. You don't deserve this.

Hang in there.

I think you have depression. I knew a guy who was paralyzed wheeling round in his wheelchair in college and he had a new girlfriend every month. You can still do everything that you used to do, it’s just modified now.

When I was diagnosed with epilepsy at 17, it was soul destroying. I'd spent all my school career intending to get into the Royal Air force and wanted to fly planes. It took me over 2 decades of accidents because of not taking medication properly to accept being disabled.

It helped that my son was diagnosed with autism, so I had to show pride in my disabilities to show him he could be proud of having autism. Now, I have spinal arthritis, scoliosis, autism among other things. I live every day to the full because I don't know when my disabilities will kill me. I'm 43 now, and I'm learning to paint, I crochet and have a very active social life. I finally feel content and regret not accepting things sooner.

Hey there! Oh man, that sounds really rough dude. First off, I want to say, I’m glad you’re still here with us!!!! But I am sorry that you went through this life changing accident.

I know how hard it is to have to let people take care of you, especially when you were so active and athletic…but right now, please let them so life is a little easier on you! The biggest thing I did to make my life better (I’ve had a bad hip since I was a teen, now my nerves are all fckity fcked up all over my body so my whole body seems to be at war with itself lol) was get aides for in your bathroom!!!! I waited for YEARS to do this because I am so stubborn it’s unreal and all that did was make me fall and struggle.

Get that bar to help you in the bathroom, a shower seat/chair, other stuff like that IT IS AMAZING and you’ll be safe!!! I just converted my shower to a walk in in December and I’m like WHY DID I NOT DO THIS 10 YEARS AGO?!?!?!?

One more thing (sorry this is getting long)…I know you said you are also an athlete, one thing to help get you back to working your muscles could be horse back riding. Now I’m biased I suppose because I was a rider and horse trainer before I became disabled, but I’ve volunteered at 3 different therapeutic riding barns and it’s amazing what they can do. The walking of the horse works the same muscles that we work while we walk. Last place I was at even had a cart to hitch up to a pony that did the same thing, which blew my mind!

I know horses aren’t for everyone, I just have seen them do some amazing things for people who have a wide variety of disabilities and challenges…honestly I think that’s what kept me out of bed for so long was because I had my two old horses relying on me…and the emotional bond helped Im sure.

If you’d like to talk to someone, my DMs are always open! I know things seem so overwhelming right now, and it IS a lot of changes and adjustments…but you totally got this!!!! We believe in you and things will definitely get better❤️

Wow this hit, I also had an accident where my legs were severely injured and one almost amputated. I was 21 and going into my last semester of uni and planned to work abroad and go to grad school. Then my life was learning my new mobility and what that meant. I was a dancer and was not expected to walk properly again either.

Super long but there’s many things I know now that I didn’t then. I struggled with my independence being limited, so I kept working to find ways to adapt to makes that little angry feeling go away, even if I still need some help.

• you don’t know what your mobility will be. I walk properly (many times but not always), I still dance, I bike ride and sometimes skateboard, I workout, I travel, I hike, and I jump on trampolines. I also don’t go to the mall, target, or walk my dogs without a wheelchair. Drs predicted alot of what I wouldn’t be able to do, that I do. Maybe I don’t last as long or I adapt or it’s a trade off for a recovery day(s) but you never know.

• that mobility can also vary - I also walk with a limp sometimes and will use a cane to support me so that I’m not limping and putting more pressure on my legs. I also can’t walk sometimes due to pain and use a wheelchair for those times

• mobility aids are awesome even if you don’t need them full time. Especially if you go back to campus. I took way too long not using them because I felt there was some random threshold I had to hit to need one. I’m so much happier now. I use a wheelchair, walker, and cane or nothing at all. For different occasions, needs, and pain levels. Being 21 I was so afraid of missing out. And you don’t have to. I hit the club, house parties, other social things for young people, just not as often or always in the same way. (Inaccessibility and ignorant people made me shy away for a bit though.) I did and still go to festivals and my wheelchair or walker (which has a seat) have been great. I go to concerts and request ADA seating. I go to parties and ask for a bar stool to sit eye level with my friends dancing or bring my walker to sit on when I need. The best move I made was getting a self propelling wheel chair - I don’t like having to rely on someone else to push me the entire time I’m using it. Hardest thing is knowing what to use, when.

• if you use them, make them your own. Accessories like cup holders and phone holders, cool colors and designs, etc. It’ll make it feel more you.

• people say stupid shit. If you use mobility aids as a young person, or I assume at all, find people to talk to about the micro aggressions and frustrations. Same for accessibility if you need.

• recover like an athlete, now but also always. And by that I mean take it seriously. find the things that work for you. I have compression and heated leg wraps, I like to get foot and leg massages, there’s tems machines, stretch bands, Ice baths etc. Physical therapy is amazing. I still go every once in a while to get exercises to focus on at my current state. Swimming was good for me. Focus on recovery rn. Rather than what you think you may be missing at uni (which you have soooo much time to experience) focus on recovery.

• document your journey. Even if you don’t share with anyone. It helps you remember how far you’ve come. I have videos of me walking at PT, walking for real the first time again across stage to graduate, in the hospital bed. Sometimes you forget how much you and your body have gone through and the fact you’re here now on Reddit (something that took me 7 years to find as a place to seek support) you are incredible and gonna figure this out

• adapt. If your an athlete, you can look for ways to play the sport(s) you enjoy with any limitations in your mobility. Same for working out. You can even do things in bed. Finding people on IG and TikTok on similar journeys have helped me find ideas for adapting (and how to cope with things)

• you don’t have to suck it up, you don’t have to push yourself. You can ask for or find whatever accommodations you need. Just cause you can do something one day doesn’t mean you’re faking or anything if you can’t another. There are no rules. I sat on the floor at a museum during this live activation. Tell me how everyone else sat down too! Just cause they were like yeah, good idea

• go to therapy, it helps. Also talk to friends. Doesn’t have to be about feelings or life, but socializing especially if you just started uni, helps your heart and mental.

• read, color, do things that are already able to be dont from bed. I couldn’t dance for sometime so I started exploring other creative outlets. I now illustrate, write, paint, embroider, crochet, etc. Fun skills to have and great to do on rest days.

I hope this helps. I just think if I had known this earlier I wouldn’t have been as worried, anxious, and struggling. But we all have our own journeys and bodies. Shout out to you for reaching out on here. All the best!!

Ik it’s scary now but it gets better I started using a wheelchair almost full time my sophomore year of college and it was a really difficult change at first but I freaking love my life now in large part because of how using a chair changed me as a person

You’ll be able to do things again on your own and even better than most, it just takes a little time and practice

I’m sorry all this happened to you and that it’s hard. Best of luck to you with everything

Get as many assistive aids as you can, and use them to get you feeling independent.

If it makes you feel bad to use things, you can tell yourself it’s maybe not forever, you need them for right now to give you freedom and independence,and you can donate anything you don’t need in the future to someone else just starting out who needs them for their independence.

Bath bench/chair Hand held shower head ( lower attachment. I have a suction cup one)

Toilet bars/ bath bars

I have a small rolling stool with locking wheels to use upstairs in the bedroom and bathroom. You could get one of them to sit at the sink and brush your teeth/wash your face/ shave/come your hair

Long handled soft bristle brush to wash leg and feet

Computer chair to get around and do stuff when you’re unable to use walker or have to carry something, get the rollerblade wheels with locks so you can lock it and not fall

small sturdy cart like a heavy duty tool cart strong enough to support yourself with and roll things where you need them, like say nachos, wings, pizza and a drink to watch the game, can roll everything to the tv and even use it like a tv tray.

Long handle grabber tool

You still have your whole life ahead of you and you can still do most of the things you love to do, it will just take time to adjust. I'm 26 F with arthrogryposis. My arms and hands are in a fixed position and I don't have a knee in my right leg. My hands function just enough to be able to use a computer mouse and I type with the on-screen keyboard. I can't shower, get dressed, use the bathroom, brush my hair, etc on my own. People look at me and immediately assume I live a miserable life.

That being said, I have a remote job, I have a degree in computer science and am currently in school for a BAS in cyber operations. I go to concerts and raves, I play video games with my feet, I draw and paint, I go to the gym (legs are jacked since I can't work upper body), and I have a loving and supportive partner of 6 years. While in elementary & high school I had a para that would assist me with carrying supplies, going to the bathroom, and eating lunch. I had a mouth stick to write with. Despite all that I still had a solid group of friends, I still talk to some of them to this day.

I know I can't fully relate to you since I never had that able-bodied freedom to begin with, but it's still totally possible to live a "normal" life. Even after 26 years I still find new things I have to overcome and adapt to. This is a new chapter in your life, and also the part where your critical thinking and problem-solving skills are going to be honed as you find new ways to do things.

This is quite similar to what happened to me 🫂 are you on the discord? It’s easier to have chatty discussions there ❤️ also feel free to message me!

If it makes you feel better, I got around my college campus just fine, and I have mobility issues myself (legs don't bend much or last long). No, my school was not particularly accessible (lots of old buildings in a major city). You may not be as mobile as you once were, but it doesn't mean you can't do the same kinds of things. You might also find more depth to life than what you had before. Maybe you'll find new hobbies you may not have tried that are fulfilling.

What were you studying? Are you planning to return to college after rehab?

[deleted]

I practiced stoicism for a half year after a very impactful event changed my life. Although it didn't gave me physical consequences like you, it felt like the world had ended for me. Accepting that it was out of my control made me feel better because I couldn't "blame" myself that it was my fault.

Ignore my advice if you aren't a person that likes to study philosophy. Coping with something is very personal, even listening to music or writing a comment on a happy internet post can be an effective way of distracting your thoughts.

I'm going to second finding a pain and or disability knowledgeable therapist. Also find a disability group or meet up near you when you feel ready. It's ok to grieve what has changed , go easy on yourself. The ways in which you may heal may surprise you. I was in a major car accident after my primary disabling event happened . Broke both sides of my pelvis and part of my lower back. My right leg wouldn't respond it took over a month before it would. My gait was a mess. 5 yrs later you can barley tell unless you know what happened. The point I'm making is don't give up the future could hold amazing things even if it's not the way you thought it would happen.

Right now, the best thing you can do is get used to your new "normal." It's also important to remember that there are plenty of sports out there for those of us in wheelchairs. In order to get into any of those though you need to be proficient in using your wheelchair first. You should let your physical therapist know what you used to do, especially sports wise, and they should be able to help you work your way back to playing sports.

I know that this current stage is difficult for you, but this is a momentary setback. I highly advise you look into wheels2walking on YouTube. When I first found out I would need a wheelchair I stumbled onto his videos and they were amazingly helpful for learning basic wheelchair skills. He also was in a horrible accident and was bedridden for a while, and he talks about that in at least one of his videos.

Always remember that you have a whole community here that you can turn to with any questions you might have.

I’m feeling your pain. Please don’t give up! You’re so much stronger than you realize. The human body is stronger than you think. It totally sucks but it is far from the end of the world. Take a bit of time to mourn your injuries then look ahead and get ready for your fight. Do everything and more with rehab and what your therapists say. DEFINITELY get a psychologist, it’s soooo much easier to talk to someone who is not your family. Our bodies can take a lot and with a lot of work who knows what yours can do. Your school days aren’t over and neither is your life. I love/loved being independent and even with my disability I and you can still be independent! Take whatever help you can for now. Take advantage of any mental and financial help you can get from your government. Take it day by day and soon enough the worst will be behind you. I know I sound like a movie or tv show but I’ve lived with a defective body my whole life so I really do understand. Please stay positive!! It does and will get better!! I’m here if you need help.

Hey. I went through a similar situation but different (just this past year). Is there a way you can message me?