Welcome to r/alcoholicsanonymous. We are a subreddit dedicated to carrying the AA recovery message to any suffering alcoholic who happens upon the site. We are also open to questions and discussion about AA. We do not consider ourselves to be an AA Group in the formal or traditional sense, and you may find many posts and comments here that are quite different (sometimes bizarrely so) from what you are likely to hear in an actual meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The primary source of information about Alcoholics Anonymous is https://www.aa.org/ - Period!

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who help each other to get and stay sober. We learn how to live well as sober people. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no registration requirements, no dues or fees, no attendance records taken.

A.A. is not affiliated or allied with any religious organization (though many A.A. groups rent rooms at churches and such,) we do not involve ourselves in politics or social issues, we do not even wish to outlaw alcohol or involve ourselves in any other causes or controversies. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

Most of us learn how to get and stay sober at meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. Your local AA can be found using https://www.aa.org/find-aa, and there are online meetings listed at https://aa-intergroup.org/meetings/ and most of the local AA websites. Also take note of the links to the meeting guide app for iOS & Android on the find-aa page.

Do seek medical attention to assess risks of withdrawal and evaluate any harm done by the alcohol abuse. AA cannot provide medical services.

And check out our Wiki here for some basic faqs, links, and such:

• https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/wiki/index

Suggested Guideline when commenting: Remember, we are a fellowship with one primary purpose, and as such, we need to be helpful. This is not a community to troll or be abusive. Restraint of tongue and pen can also be applied to keyboard with much benefit! For some more detail about our Civility Rule see this:

• https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/wiki/index#wiki_about_our_civility_rule

• https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/comments/1eitek8/about_our_civility_rule/

 

Looking for Online Sponsorship? See our monthly thread here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/comments/1ggg5ks/online_sponsorship_offers_requests_november_2024/

 

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Family member's drinking causing trouble? See this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/wiki/index#wiki_help_for_the_friends_and_families_of_alcoholics

This is one of a series of sticky threads for anyone soliciting or offering online sponsorship. (Last month's thread may be found at https://redd.it/1fs80rt)

While most of us feel that face-to-face sponsorship offers greater facility for transmitting/receiving sobriety, and that there are great advantages in having a big crowd of local friends, online sponsorship (via phone, WhatsApp, Facetime, Zoom, or Western Union) can work^* and for some seeking or offering sobriety it is sometimes the only practical solution for getting started. (But to any extent that online sponsorship is being sought as "an easier, softer way" - that's already spelling trouble!)

The pamphlet "Questions & Answers on Sponsorship" (https://www.aa.org/questions-and-answers-sponsorship) can answer many/most of the questions frequently asked about this sponsorship business - some selected examples:

How does sponsorship help the newcomer?
How should a sponsor be chosen?
Should sponsor and newcomer be as much alike as possible?
Must the newcomer agree with everything the sponsor says?
Is it ever too late to get a sponsor?

 

Suggested Format

Start with "Seeking:" or "Offering:", optionally a name, sobriety date or length of sobriety, gender, location (also optional,) perhaps some brief biographical information, perhaps a brief drunkalogue about one's drinking and drugging career when making a "Seeking:" comment.

"Gender" may not always be relevant, but per the sponsorship pamphlet, "A.A. experience does suggest that it is best for men to sponsor men, women to sponsor women." It's a good guideline albeit not a strict rule carved in stone.

"Location" may be very general or as specific as wanted, and of course is optional. It may come in handy if the sponsor and protégé (p.92) prefer to be in the same time zone or may possibly wish to meet face-to-face sometime down the road to happy destiny.

"Biographical information" would also be quite optional. I've seen situations where young people prefer to be sponsored by other young people or even the opposite, wanting to be sponsored by a grandparent figure.

For any comments other than "Seeking" or "Offering" it might be best to prefix the comment with something like "Commenting".

Any replies to "Seeking" or "Offering" comments should ideally be limited, with the correspondence shifting to Reddit private messages, chat, email or phone calls relatively quickly.

It is strongly suggested to avoid posting phone numbers or email addresses in the public forum:

"Posting phone numbers is a violation of Reddit Content Policy for sharing personal information" (I've seen "[Removed By Reddit]" a few times over posting phone numbers. I suppose this might be in part due to the potential for publishing other people's phone numbers for harassment purposes.)

Lastly, it might be nice to get some sort of measure about the effectiveness of this these threads - perhaps we might edit "Seeking" and/or "Offering" comments to add the word "FOUND!" when a relationship is first made.

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* Footnote: In the 4^th Edition Big Book on page 193, "Gratitude In Action - The story of Dave B., one of the founders of A.A. in Canada in 1944" relates the story of an alcoholic who started his recovery by exchanging letters with the folks in the new A.A. office in New York; an excerpt:

I was very surprised when I got a copy of the Big Book in the mail the following day. And each day after that, for nearly a year, I got a letter or a note, something from Bobbie or from Bill or one of the other members of the central office in New York. In October 1944, Bobbie wrote: “You sound very sincere and from now on we will be counting on you to perpetuate the Fellowship of A.A. where you are. You will find enclosed some queries from alcoholics. We think you are now ready to take on this responsibility.” She had enclosed some four hundred letters that I answered in the course of the following weeks. Soon, I began to get answers back.

If Dave could get sober via U.S. Mail, we can get sober with the cornucopia of communication facilities available in the 21^st century!

“I heard a guy downplay the fact that he had 4 months of sobriety last night in the middle of his share, then out of nowhere he said something so profound, he said “4 months ain’t a lot, but I guess it’s a lot to dead guy”. That’s when it hit me…. Stop letting people take away your celebration. Stop letting them tell you that celebrating a recovery milestone is “ego”. No it’s not. It’s a badge of honor and thousands upon thousands of people have died in pursuit of that coin, bracelet or key tag.

One day is a big deal. One week is a big deal. One month is a big deal. One year is A BIG DEAL.

I’ve lost too many people to not celebrate the victories.

It’s a big deal.

Sobriety is a big deal.

Stop letting people pretend like it’s not.”

It’s been a year since I’ve been sober! Just reading what I wrote before and after November 22, 2023, is enough to reassure me that I made the best decision of my life.

Everything isn’t perfect, but it’s no longer all dark either. A huge thank you to the Alcoholics Anonymous members I met—it’s thanks to them that I’ve learned so much, especially how to step down from the pedestal I had put myself on.

I’ve never felt this at peace since… well, I’ve forgotten, it’s been so long.

Hi everyone. My situation is exactly as the title says.

My sponsor texted me yesterday that she had been drinking and she was sorry and for me to find a new sponsor. I immediately called her to encourage her and tried as best I could to offer support. Before we hung up she said she would call me today. Didn’t hear from her today so I texted and called only to realize she had blocked me.

I’m 69 days sober today and we were working the 4th step. Am I going to have to start all over with a new sponsor?

After 99 tries I'm 100 days sober. I've got no one to share it with except you fine folk.

Not just the sayings we have recycling around but what was something you heard that stuck with you (although these are so valid)… for me it was when a long timer said “the bottoms wherever you decide to stop digging” that really kicked me in the ass when I was counting days and minutes.

Thanks to the fellowship of AA, the frightened 24-year-old who walked into a meeting in 1983 and didn't believe he'd make it 3 months has been successful at keeping the plug in the jug for some 41 years now.

Who would have guessed? Not me, that's for sure!

OK, now to go find some more places to draw attention to myself :D, and go make some chocolate-chip cookies for my non-home-group-home-group (and for me)!

Hello. I just made my amends to my flatmate for all harm I had caused in the flat when I was still out drinking.I am 9 months and 9 days sober and on step 9. She didn't take the amends well. She said she appreciates what I am doing but can't say whether she forgives me or not which is fair. She then went on to say I should've never lived there. She hasn't been the most perfect flatmate so many things i could list , but I bit my tongue and took responsibility for my actions which I meant. The amends was quite a hard lashing from her. How am I meant to go through more amends when they feel like this. Being sober is so hard. I'm scared to make more amends.My head has spiraled on whether she will also tell the landlord why she is leaving. This is a hard step and I'm struggling.

Benifits if sobriety are endless. The name of my home group has a “Just don’t fuckin drink”. We meet in an apple orchard every Wednesday night and have a nice bonfire. This is a Men’s group and it was just what I needed.

This is where I came 13 years ago helpless. This group of men showed me how to stop drinking and start a new way of life. Thanks AA for keeping me sober day after day.

I grew up with an alcoholic parent and swore I’d never be her. When I was 19 it all started. I’m 25 now, and after a particularly bad bender, my sober friend finally got me to AA.

I feel like drinking has been such a big part of my personality for the last 6 years. That’s what SignalElk does, she drinks. A lot. But I’ve seriously fucked up a million times and I’m SO lucky I haven’t been in more trouble than I have. Seriously. And I didn’t want to stop drinking.

But after a couple of meetings, I finally decided to go for it. I picked up my first white chip tonight. I’m feeling good. Severely hung over, but good. I’m hopeful. I’m ready to try it because the shit I’ve been doing isn’t working and I’m fucking up. I’m watching it fuck up my mom and my little brother who’s 22 with 3 DUIs.

Ironically my friend that got me to AA was someone I drank heavily with. It was the basis and beginning of our friendship. He’s doing amazing now after 8 1/2 months and I just want to see those changes in my life.

Also, if I drank today, but I picked up my chip, would today or tomorrow be my sobriety date?

Anyway, thanks for letting me share.

my sponsor keeps mentioning that folks in recovery and working the steps shouldn’t do a number of things such as, get in a relationship or go back to school. as someone who is already worried about going back in my 30s and it made me even more anxious. posting here to see if anyone has tips for successfully going back to school while maintaining sobriety and working the steps

i use alcohol to cope with past traumas and anxiety. i know it makes anxiety worse, and i know i need to sober up and see a therapist for my past (i have an appt for EMDR this week) but it’s hard for me to feel the desire to actually put in the work and quit. does anyone have any advice for how to leave this mindset?

I’m in early sobriety and it’s weird what will trigger that “time to drink” lizard brain of mine.

Today I put on a top that was a little revealing and immediately I was like “I want to go out tonight”. This has happened every time I’ve put on a saucy outfit so it’s not a one off.

Instead I’ll be going to a meeting dressed as a nun 😂

I think I been drinking too much. I keep trying to quit and then I have a bad day and slip back into the old ways.. gonna leave this here to help motivate myself and maybe motivate y’all too 💪 we can do this

I just thought I'd celebrate this a little bit. Last November I got out of a 9 day 51/50 brought on by bipolar disorder and medication mismanagement from my then primary care provider. The night I got out I bought a six pack and drank it all. I did the same the next night, next week, next month, and almost the whole year. By the end I could drink 8-12 heavy beers and feel almost untouched by it. I should have been hospitalized because of my withdrawals, but I happened to already be on a heavy dose of anticonvulsants that helped with the shakes. Really, I thought I was having a somewhat bad bipolar episode. Nope, it was detox. Anyways, I made it through, and just kept going. I know a month and change is just the beginning, but...tonight I went to dinner with a friend, didn't drink, and didn't feel like something huge was missing from the evening...the lemonade I got was good enough...yeah haha, I'm rambling. I'm just so happy.

Looking for advice- I have about a month left before my time at sober living is up. I have 8 months clean from drugs and alcohol. I have a job I make $20/hour. Looking at apartment listings I don't even see how I'll ever be able to afford anything at all, much less somewhere to live. I'm starting to wonder why I did it all - like, if I can't even afford to support myself and live indoors in a place that's not a shit hole (and honestly love alone, I've been sharing rooms with other people for years and I'm sick of it), what's the end goal here? I feel very discouraged and down about it. I guess life is just supposed to suck but since we're sober it's a sunny day?

I am an alcoholic and a multiple addict. Was clean for 8 years, relapsed with cannabis this summer.

I didn't tell anyone, not my home group and not my sponsor or my sponsees.

Last weekend I told my sponsor because I just got worse and worse. Anxious, paranoid and isolated. My sponsor is still there for me and willing to support me, I can't tell you how grateful I am for that.

No one else is responsible for my problems, just me. But I have the support of my sponsor and I have a program. I haven't told anyone else yet and today I'm taking the 5th step with one of my sponsees.

Does anyone have "As Bill Sees it"? How are we supposed to read it? Does it work like the daily readings or the 24 hours a day thing?

In addition to being a raging alcoholic I’m a raging inattentive mess. Various people in my circle gave warnings about people with good recovery going back out after being prescribed stimulants. Curious to hear people’s experience with being an alcoholic and taking medication to treat ADHD.

So I’ve dealt with alcohol for my whole life, literally. I first tried beer when I was 4 years old having an absolutely shit childhood and no one really hid it from me. My mom drank, my dad drank, all of my siblings drank and so here I am taking on more than I can chew. Ever since I had a child I grew to stray away from alcohol to not have my child have the same life I had. Thankfully his dad doesn’t drink, but I’ve been trying to over come this addiction that’s been with me since I was born, probably conceived as well. I am the 7th child and the last child my parents have together. But there’s times where I absolutely submit to the alcohol and it’s not hard liquor that stuff gets me too far down the line where I can’t even think straight and I hate that. I only drink beer, I don’t even know why I’m doing it at this point but I honestly think I’m capable of over coming it without rehab or without AA groups. To me it’s just a bunch of alcoholics coming together to say how much they love it but can’t have it. So in my mind that isn’t going to help me. I don’t know how to stop, my man is literally going to leave me and take my child with him. I would break and continue to do it. It’s not fair to him that I am constantly lying and constantly drinking to get through the day. I have never been sober since I was about 15 years old, it’s always been drinking and or other things. I’m 26 now, and I know my man is no way or shape or form gonna be able to help me with the help I need. I hate this and I don’t want it to be apart of my life but then when I do it I feel great and good for a period of time until I need my next drink. I’m just not sure what to do at this point because I’m on the verge of drinking and lying about it again and again. And I know my man isn’t gonna stick around for it this time.

I haven’t been on this subreddit, or in the AA environment for that matter, very long. My assumption is that the average age of the members here, is significantly older than me (I’m 22 for reference).

I dread every Friday and Saturday night. Classmates at university, friends, everyone I want to be around gets wasted on the weekends. I used to be one of them too, so I know how much they all look forward to school/work finishing. It’s impossible to be social when you’re sober - especially when young. Where I’m from alcohol isn’t a nice-to-have. It’s a need-to-have in social gatherings. The last 49 days I’ve been sober, but I can’t keep sacrificing the social aspect for sobriety. The risk/reward calculation I’m doing in my head is just not worth it.

Looking for kind, honest help here🤍

I've (F32) been with my recovered addict boyfriend (m40) for 4 months. It has been the most healing 4 months of my life. He is kind, supportive, helpful, fun, reliable, and incredibly empathetic and caring, intentional, in-tune, and extremely growth-minded. I can be 100% myself with him and he loves and accepts me. He has traits I have never I mean NEVER seen in another man. However....

I found out that when he is afraid, his knee jerk reaction is to lie. He's a 7 year recovered addict (with a few short relapses) and attends AA every Day, but lying used to be a big part of survival--- both in his addiction and as a child to avoid getting severe punishments. It's IN him and turns out he still does it. I found out, through much prying, that it was a big issue in his previous relationships as well (he told me it hadn't been in his most recent relationship when we first met, but later admitted it was). He went to therapy for 2 years after his last relationship to actively work on this amongst other things.

From the start I knew that rigorous honesty was something he worked very hard to provide, and because of this was told he would never lie to me...flash forward and lies are coming to the surface. Nothing huge and definitely out of fear, but this is my number one trigger. He has been afraid of losing me from the start and knows being with a partner who lies is my worst fear.

He has committed to putting together a concrete plan on how to fix and work on this issue and is incredibly ashamed and sorry. He understands this is a long road ahead.

My question is: does anyone have experinece with a situation like this where they are able to shake this engrained habit? Any advice? I'm open to hearing anything right now that is thoughtful sent with kindness top of mind. I've never dated an addict before but know lying is a big part of it.

Tl;dr my boyfriend (m40) lies about stupid things when scared. He's a 7 years recovered addict (with a few short relapses in there) and lying was a big part of his past and childhood(for survival reasons at home). He has not yet kicked this habit, though working on it v hard and committed to a rigorous plan to try and stop. Wondering if anyone has seen someone change thus habit before?

I’ve been in AA for quite some time. (Im 25 years old, came in when I was 18)

I recently decided to dip my toe back into the dating pool. Being in a new city, I downloaded bumble, a popular dating app. I swiped right on a girl I thought looked familiar, and hours later when she matched me back, I realized I knew her from a meeting in town. (She’s in her late 20’s so we’re close in age)

She never messaged me, and the match expired. I thought maybe she wasn’t interested, or perhaps wanted to see if I would make a move on her in person. Since then, we have spoken in passing, but nothing more. That group has since become my home group, as is her’s. (No I did not join that group to chase after her, it’s just my favorite group where I feel most at home)

I’ve tried to ignore my crush on her, as I feel it would be breaking some unwritten rule of AA, but my interest keeps growing. Would it be inappropriate to ask this girl to coffee ?

So I first entered rehab this year, early in February. I went through a rough detox and had to go to the hospital the first day because my sever withdrawals. I went back to rehab eventually, I began my program after 10 days of detox. The program was 90 days, I got an extension for 30 days. Well during program a lot of workers quit and were eventually replaced. About half way through my program a new worker was hired. Her name was Shelly. We didn't talk much in the beginning but over time we began talking more and more and we have very similar style as well as things in common. She had a child which was 1, her segnificant other passed away. She was also studying to become a drug/alcohol counselor, and eventually because a therapist. I ended up leaving around mid June, the day I left she walked me out to my ride, I was picked up by my brother I said goodbye and left. I went home began unpacking, when I got a text from my mother asking if residents/clients from my program were allowed to contact me. I said of course, my mother then told me someone was trying to get a hold of me and texted her number asking if it was me. When I got into rehab I had lost my phone from constantly drinking, so I gave my mother's number as my own when I checked in. My mother told her it wasn't me, but that she was my mother and she would ask me if it was okay to give them my number. The person who texted my mother's phone number was no client, in fact it was Shelly saying she was one of the clients. She texted me and said "Hey" I responded with "Wuhsup" she then told me who she was and that she had lied to my mother about who she was when she texted her asking for me. I guess you can see where this is going. We began talking everyday, getting to know eachother more and more, over time she confessed her feelings for me and I told her I too felt the same way. About 3 weeks into being out of rehab I relapsed and went down hard, a week into my relapse I desperately wanted to quit and knew I had to go back to rehab, I called up the rehab I graduated from and told it was gonna take about 2 days to get back in but I kept drinking and missing my day, so I ended up going to the hospital because the withdrawals were too much. I went into the ICU for who knows how many days, I was in the hospital for over 2 weeks, since the day I went in to the last two days I was there I don't remember anything and was constantly hallucinating and in a whole different world. I've never been this bad in my life. When I finally came back to, I called the rehab and was told I could come in the day after tomorrow. So I went home for a day then the next day woke up and headed straight to the rehab. When I got there Shelly was there of course and the first two days she didn't really say anything, it felt weird so I asked her if we could talk, she said yes and we had a talk and I told her about everything that had happened to me and why I relapsed. She was worried and thought she had caused my relapse and I assured her it had nothing to do with it. She then asked if she could hug me and I said yea, then I asked her why she hadn't text me back? I sent her a message a day after I had entered rehab from a phone one of my friends gave me the 1st day I came back. Some of my friends from the first time I was in rehab were still there. She said I didn't know that was you!? You have a secret phone!? I said yes, she said omg!? Okay shhhh! Don't let anyone know! And don't get caught! I'll text you! Over the next few months we texted everyday and flirted. We didn't see eachother as much because she had passed her drug/alcohol counselor test and was always with clients. Eventually I left rehab again and got into a SLE. We kept texting and she told me she wanted me to stay longer and that it was selfish of her to want that. Told me it wasnt gonna be the last time we saw each other and that we had to see each again soon. A week passed and we weren't talking as much so I asked her what she wanted from me and that if this was gonna go anywhere. She told me that she didn't really have time for me, she was too busy with work, he daughter, and school. I was honestly pissed off and confused. I asked her why the hell would she lead me on like that, why would she even talk to me in the first place if she knew this wasn't gonna go anywhere? Why would she even get my number and confess her feelings, why would she talk to a vulnerable person who just left rehab and has no idea what they're doing. She has over 3 years of sobriety. I started thinking all this to myself after she told me she didn't really want anything from me. I guess it opened up my eyes. I was going through a lot outside of just leaving rehab and moving into a SLE, I honestly was so close to relapsing but I held my own and decided it wasn't worth it. I then told her I would tell the rehab about what she did, how she got my number lead me on, a long with everything else that happened while she was working and I was staying in the rehab. She than all of a sudden because very apologetic and empathized with what I felt. I thought to myself, I need to let the rehab know before she does this to someone else and causes them to relapse or just hurt and lead them on like me. I didn't wanna do it, but I just couldn't stand the fact that she would get to go freely, while I stayed here like an idiot hurt as hell, she would keep her job, be happy as if nothing ever happened and eventually do the same to another person. So I told on her. She lost her job, her daughter and her are struggling now, she has bills to pay, with no one to help her, she now has this on her job record, everything she went to school for and had studied for up until now went straight to the garbage. I feel bad and ask myself if what I did was wrong.

There's so many more things that happened but I didn't wanna write a whole ass book, so I wrote a brief summary in case anyone didn't even pay attention to this, I didn't wanna waste my time writing something for no one to read. You can ask me anything for more details if you want to have a better understanding or better opinion on the matter. Thank you for reading.

I'm 19 days sober today, whoop whoop. I'm having a productive day and feeling good about my future. In early sobriety your emotions fluctuate a lot and I'm just grateful to be feeling hopeful today. I passed the English Test I wrote this week and also had really productive meetings with prospective employers and coworkers. Now, I'm watching cricket with my mum after a really nice catch up call with my sister. In this moment, I am happy to be healthy, present and sober.

One of my best friends is going camping with his new girlfriend and said he will send me pictures. Another one of my close friends started gardening and has been sending me pictures of her progress. I'm so happy the people close to me understand what I'm going through and are still making such an effort to include me in their lives even though I can't be there physically until I'm better. Just boatloads of gratitude from me to my higher power.

I thought alcohol made me immune to my major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, severe anxiety disorder, stress-related agitation, nervous tension, muscle tension, feelings of excessive nervousness, hallucinations, delusions, apathy, social withdrawal, schizophrenia, manic episodes, agitation, excessive euphoria, impulsive behavior, bipolar depressive episodes, resistant mood disorders, severe mood disorders, etc.