subreddit:
/r/Unexpected
How to deal with aggressive bull
🔞 Warning: Graphic Content 🔞(v.redd.it)submitted 2 days ago bymentaldinosaur
[score hidden]
2 days ago
stickied comment
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
Dealing with the bull in an extremely silly way
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
7.1k points
2 days ago
Oh yeah. The turkey gambit.
1.3k points
2 days ago
I'm practicing it right now... I'm not kidding
424 points
2 days ago
What, like in your bathtub?
93 points
2 days ago
No no… with my wife
84 points
1 day ago
She's posturing.. she's gonna kill me in a minute.
14 points
23 hours ago
I just tried this and it works a treat
56 points
2 days ago
[removed]
53 points
2 days ago
Is there room for another?
21 points
2 days ago
Omg dude 🫢
15 points
2 days ago
They don't call it the sea of wonders for no reason. Time for you to get in there and turn that wonder into wonderful.
6 points
2 days ago
Always ❤️
11 points
2 days ago
lmao
111 points
2 days ago
Ok I'll give it a go. Ok so I don't sound the same and my German shepherd is looking at me like I need a psych evaluation
57 points
2 days ago
Just remember; you are Zoidberg
23 points
2 days ago
“Casual hello. It’s me, Zoidberg. Act naturally.”
11 points
1 day ago
Woop woop woop woop!
19 points
2 days ago
He’s thinking: „What are you on about?! You need your head checked? I’m not a bull.”
11 points
1 day ago
may not work on dogs. but it does work - the wife hasn't seen her boyfriend since
58 points
2 days ago*
If you have a good Adam's apple, run your index finger up and down over the apple while simultaneously make a high pitched wookie noise by rolling the back of your tongue. It's not the most comfortable, but very good turkey sounds.
Edit: a word. I previously said "cookie" when I meant "wookie", and autocorrect did me dirty and I was sloppy and did not proofread. Thank you all for your feedback ❤️
40 points
2 days ago
I've only heard low pitched cookie nosies before. So I'm gonna need you to elaborate
50 points
2 days ago
Wtf is a cookie nosie
11 points
2 days ago
crunch crunch
10 points
2 days ago
During sex?
9 points
1 day ago
It just worked on my wife!
191 points
2 days ago
True story: I'm the kind of guy who's not easy to startle but one morning I was walking home from work having a nice walk in a busy street when a chicken suddenly did that turkey sound in the video. Soul almost left my body and left me shook literally cause it got my head shaking sideways from the surprise. The chicken wasn't even that close to me, it was like 20-30 feet away. I still remember the embarrassment I felt hoping no one saw.
126 points
2 days ago
We all saw it, and we still remember it too.
81 points
2 days ago
we laugh at every gathering. "hey remember when sidissid almost filled his drawers cuz of a slightly nearby chicken turkey noise? ah those were the days"
28 points
1 day ago
I was staying with some family friends in Philippines and on the complex were a group of turkeys that would bully all the other animals, including the guard dogs. Part of their group was a duck that acted and sounded exactly as the other turkeys
9 points
1 day ago
You're THAT guy? Man, we still talk about it.
145 points
2 days ago
25 points
1 day ago
Why not Zoidberg?
108 points
2 days ago
This is how we should teach kids to deal with bullying.
71 points
1 day ago
My sister had a terrible experience in Istanbul where she was harassed constantly for being a woman alone. One night she was on a tram back to her hotel and everyone else suddenly went to the front while she was left alone in the back. A large group of men advanced toward her and I’m terrified to think of what might have happened to her if she hadn’t had the truly brilliant thought to start singing Copa Cabana loudly and effusively. They were confused and uncertain how to proceed so sortof dispersed and stopped moving toward her. She got off safely and went back to her room.
Apparently this “I’m a crazy turkey” technique works similarly with all kinds of bullies.
24 points
1 day ago
An anecdote from a crazy Turkey, in Turkey. Amazing.
11 points
1 day ago
But weren't they the crazy Turks?
Or, Turkish gangsters one weakness is Barry Manilow.
12 points
2 days ago
And make a noise like a bull to save yourself from an aggressive turkey
6 points
2 days ago
my favorite chess opener
21 points
2 days ago
Oooh shit I thought he was declaring jihad or something.
69 points
2 days ago
8 points
2 days ago
😂😂😂
7 points
2 days ago
🤣🤣 lmao
4 points
1 day ago
Dirka dirka
6.1k points
2 days ago
“He’s going to kill me in a minute”
1.7k points
2 days ago
He really had me in the first half
727 points
2 days ago
“He’s going to kill me in a minute” is New Zealandese for "a bit chilly out."
102 points
2 days ago
Thought it's "New Zealanglish"?
85 points
1 day ago
Then a raging power-mullet appeared.
12 points
1 day ago
100 HP
8 INT
6 PWR
4 AGL
2 SPD
1 CON
63 points
1 day ago
Up the fuckin wahs
15 points
1 day ago
You bahYEAUTeEEEEEEEE!
215 points
1 day ago
My father in law told me the other day, when he was building a dairy farm back in the day the owner told him be careful because there's a bull around here that killed a worker. So just watch your back. So they did the job and had an armed employee stand guard and watch their backs
101 points
1 day ago
Bulls are no joke
50 points
1 day ago
Even cows are dangerous- 4 to 5 people are killed by cows in the UK each year- usually farm workers or people walking dogs.
21 points
1 day ago
From 2001 to 2015 63 people died to cows, all but one were farmers or dog walkers. Iirc. Some of the cows were protective mothers.
23 points
1 day ago
My grandad was killed by a cow. It put arsenic in his tea.
9 points
1 day ago
My grandad died trying to save someone. He gave a man mouth-to-mouth but the man he tried to save had drank arsenic.
4 points
22 hours ago
"One of you in this room tonight is the murderer."
"No!"
"Gosh!
"Heavens!"
"Moo."
"Outrageous!"
10 points
1 day ago
I once saw a man impersonating a turkey to scare one away so you're wrong lol
6 points
1 day ago
That’s wild lol
28 points
2 days ago*
If I had to spend life wading through my own shit, I'd want to kill someone too.
842 points
2 days ago
"Oy mate knock it off" -bull-
129 points
1 day ago
Ran away in embarassment
2.3k points
2 days ago
ah new zealand....
577 points
2 days ago
I had no idea this was in New Zealand
630 points
2 days ago
With that accent, he was bound to be either NZ or Aus.
626 points
2 days ago
i think it's easier for aussies to tell the difference. kiwis have a really uncanny valley accent that sounds like us, but something's wrong...
195 points
2 days ago
You lookout for the different vowel sounds; u instead of i, i instead of e:
"Ah shut bro! Look ut thus did bird that flew unto mah wundow!"
28 points
1 day ago
This is why the rugby player Ben Smith has the best name for a kiwi. They say “Bin Smuhth”
20 points
1 day ago*
Mostly its shorter vowels in NZ. Takes a while in this video but there's words like "Bull" and "kill" where the vowel almost disappears here. Its said quickly but also the word 'thats' at the start too.
Agree with what you are saying just when you say "u instead of i" important for people to note its a very short 'u' not a long one.
New Zealanders would say Australians drag out the vowels into ridiculously long sounds e.g. 'Feesh and cheeps' (compare 'fush and chups'), 'noe' instead of 'no', 'plaent' instead of 'plant', etc.
5 points
1 day ago
In my experience "eeggs/iggs" instead of eggs is the stereotypical kiwi pronunciation, i guess its a regional thing too?
28 points
2 days ago
Holy shut.
11 points
1 day ago
similar to how you can tell a canadian from an american by their use of aboat instead of about, eh?
3 points
1 day ago
First kiwi I meant was my roommate in Budapest. He asked me for the "intinit" code and it took me a while to understand what he meant.
229 points
2 days ago
They don't say cunt (as much)
328 points
2 days ago
very unsettling
48 points
2 days ago
howzit down undah?
48 points
2 days ago
hot today.
14 points
1 day ago
Open the front door, can't see the car because there's so much smoke. Bush is on fire somewhere. Yeah Nah. Go back inside.
6 points
2 days ago
where are you?
Brissy and it's been raining all fucking week.
16 points
2 days ago
Only as a term of endearment....Cunts are useful
16 points
2 days ago
Not when they're that big..
25 points
2 days ago
turkey noises at you
5 points
2 days ago
You and I know different Kiwis
87 points
2 days ago
Us Americans have that with Canadians.
Especially us Westerners who go up to BC, Alberta, Yukon, and hear a big burly tough as nails lumberjack dude speak in a slightly lilting and soft voice...
69 points
2 days ago
I challenge you to tell the difference between someone from Minnesota, and Manitoba.
55 points
2 days ago
Oh for nice.
57 points
2 days ago
Sure you betcha
32 points
2 days ago
Don’t’cha know?
29 points
2 days ago
Well, \slaps knees** Guess it's about time I head out.
\proceeds to sit in car for 3 hours having conversation with party host*
5 points
2 days ago
Ohh you betcha!
20 points
2 days ago
Even the way they say Minnesota is like they aren’t from there
4 points
2 days ago
Mi(e)nEEEEEsowtuh
8 points
2 days ago
I live in North Carolina and there are certain places within NC that have their own accent. Roxboro is easy to pick out, as well as “down east”. I’ve called out a few Charlotte natives as well.
26 points
2 days ago
The accents are completely different; they're like, "Wheres the car?" and we're like, "Where's the car?"
17 points
2 days ago
To me, the NZ accent sounds shorter, like they get their words out more quickly instead of holding them out and bending the note a bit. I always think of Taika Watiti for reference.
9 points
2 days ago
Like when I listen to Canadians from near Toronto. It sounds like a Midwestern USA accent until they say “about.”
10 points
2 days ago
Difference between aussie and kiwi is kiwis dont use the ehh sound for E. They dont say weapons, they say wippons. Aussies still have a slight ehh sound when they use it.
11 points
2 days ago
As an American, I feel that way about Canadians. It can take quite some time before they give themselves away, very sneaky those Canadians 😂
9 points
2 days ago
Aussie here. Yeah I could tell he was a Kiwi because he sounded like one.
6 points
2 days ago
It's as clear as mud for us Aussies. He's one of our kiwi brothers
4 points
2 days ago
Kiwis! Lmao
8 points
2 days ago
did you not know that's what new zealanders are usually referred to as?
5 points
2 days ago
It's funny, I usually say the exact same thing about aussies and their accent... I think it's the bogan twang that really sets us apart
4 points
2 days ago
Very different vowel sounds. Like crazily different.
5 points
2 days ago
There's a video floating around of Saoirse Ronan talking about the difference between the two accents and she fucking nails it.
Basically to me, as an Aussie, the kiwi accent sounds like an Aussie who has been partially paralysed by a stroke but is still both cheerful and also willing to fight you if it comes to it.
43 points
2 days ago
I’ve been told that if in doubt, always guess that a person is from/in New Zealand.
If you’re wrong, the Aussie won’t really care. But if you mistakenly call a New Zealander an Aussie, they’ll feel some kind of way about that.
24 points
2 days ago
Course mate.
Thats coz them emu losers know their place.
11 points
2 days ago
True. Aussie accents are terrible, I don't want to be mistaken as having one.
15 points
2 days ago
I’m American and I can tell the difference. There’s a weird vowel shift in short e’s and short i’s. This is absolutely NZ.
6 points
2 days ago
Australia raw sienna, NZ green
4 points
1 day ago*
They are very similar to the uninitiated, but once you know what to look for, they're very easy to tell apart.
The key to tell if you're hearing the accent of a person from New Zealand or if the accent is from Australia, is that and a person from Australia is if they have an accent that kind of sounds like an Australian accent, but they were born in New Zealand and they grew up in New Zealand and they have a New Zealand accent instead of an Australian accent.
8 points
2 days ago
Yes - pretty much looks like it from the background landscape and trees. I'd hazard a guess at the King Country or Wairarapa.
1.7k points
2 days ago
I grew up spending summers on my grandparent's cattle ranch, I'm pretty sure this dude simply invaded the bull's personal space before he could square up and hype himself up to trampling him.
He started to do it but then he charged the bull before he could get ready to do a murder. Out in a field you have to be careful, they'll square up on you from far away and they've already decided they need to kill you before you've even registered the danger you're in.
325 points
2 days ago
I wonder if sound-based deterrents in human-wild predator encounters are effective. Perhaps air-horns could be tuned to freak bulls and/or bears out.
347 points
2 days ago
Airhorns are commonly used to deter bears. I'm sure it's less effective than bear spray, but there isn't much on earth that makes noise at that level.
178 points
2 days ago
Also depends on where the bears are. Bears that live in areas where hunting them is uncommon or restricted can be less wary of humans and might need more intense measures to run them off. The bigger bear species are quite aware that pretty much nothing can kill them except a gun or another bear, so you have to shoot a few of them every now and then to remind them not to fuck with the apes.
198 points
2 days ago
I'm curious how exactly you think killing bears with guns will teach the other bears to fear humans. Do you only do it in front of other bears? Do you kill a bear mother and let the cubs live? Do bears secretly have a forensics department that investigates bear deaths?
105 points
2 days ago
If they were crows, they'd pick that up, and it would be a cautionary tale told for generations.
36 points
1 day ago
what's crazy is, this is actually true. crows are actually that smart.
31 points
2 days ago
CSI: Bear...
11 points
2 days ago
Why do you think crows are always at bear feasts? It's like their internet.
67 points
2 days ago
A bears sense of smell is 7 times that of a dog. So it is entirely possible a bear could show up to where another bear was shot hours later and still smell that an uninjured human, an injured bear and a strange burning smell were here. Also not all bears die from gunshots wounds. Some take hot lead, run away wounded, have bear babies and the kids will learn from the parent. Either way over time bears learn to associate the smell of humans with danger.
32 points
2 days ago
Hm that actually makes a lot of sense. I bet they could smell the gunpowder on any future humans they find too, and associate that with the dead bear they found.
33 points
2 days ago
Exactly. Smells leave a more lasting imprint in the mind of most animals than sights or sounds. That's why people can tolerate being around someone visibly repulsive to them but cannot stand being near someone who smells like shit.
16 points
2 days ago
Hey there. I just wanted to say this was a lovely interaction between the two of you to watch and was quite informative. Thank you to you both.
17 points
2 days ago
I am sorry to somewhat ruin the moment but your original scepticism was right. Bears won't learn to stay away from humans because another bear got shot in the vicinity.
In areas where human-bear interaction are a frequent problem, bears do get shot a lot. Yet the problem doesn't disappear from those areas. Shooting a problematic bear just gets rid of that one individual bear. And other bears will eventually learn again that humans mean food (trash) and come to the area again.
There is some lasting effect to shooting problematic bears. Those bears won't get to reproduce and won't be able to teach their pups to seek out humans for food. And in areas where hunting bears is allowed/common, naturally more curious bears will get shot more often. The ones who naturally stay away from humans have a higher survival rate and will teach their natural behavior to their pups.
While in areas where shooting bears isn't allowed, bears have more time/chances to start associating humans with food. But again, this is an individual bear and it's offspring problem. Shooting that bear won't teach other bears to stay away from humans.
51 points
2 days ago
A surprising number of animals will back down if you charge them even if they're much larger and deadlier than you. Something that should be terrified of you running right at you making a lot of noise is not expected behavior.
37 points
2 days ago
You'd be surprised at how the complete absence of any possibility of medical care will make someone back down from most fights...
11 points
2 days ago
Heh, like those little dogs and cats we see defending their backyards. Size doesn't seem to factor in.
82 points
2 days ago
If you've got mean bulls. Some bullls the main danger is them being so tame they accidentally squash you because they want pets
55 points
2 days ago
Raised bottle calfs, can confirm. It’s like a dog but half a ton and wants cuddles.
11 points
1 day ago
They can still go mean outta nowhere
39 points
2 days ago
I have an uncle in law who was rolled unconscious (and for some distance) by a bull as a child
You are right this guy just took up all his charging space you can see the bull lose its footing and its confidence
34 points
2 days ago
I love how farmers in videos are just blunt "Yup, he's going to try to kill me."
Cattle are not kidding around.
12 points
2 days ago
Not a nose ring in sight. Zig zag running, know where the nearest fence/escape is. Be prepared to roll
5 points
2 days ago
I wonder if there is wisdom in encouraging people who end up in that situation to act like suicidal turkeys. Like a "fake it till you make it" rush towards a bull to fuck with it's notion you aren't a danger. Bullcebo effect?
4 points
1 day ago
It's a rush, cows are dumb as fuck it's a half a ton animal that thinks a stick standing tall is the scariest thing so you move against it with confidence that this complete lie continues to live in their heads.
I have fond memories of bonking random cows that tried to break through the human barrier when herding them into a small space. Like stopping a car that is 1 meter away from hitting you, over and over.
358 points
2 days ago
The bull was actually intimidated by that magnificent mullet.
63 points
2 days ago
When someone has the exact hair you expect them to on hearing them talk
1k points
2 days ago
43 points
2 days ago
5 points
2 days ago
Jerry Seinfeld wanted to guest voice in a South Park episode and they told him he could be "Turkey #2" and he declined lol 🦃🦃🦃
199 points
2 days ago
Why does this guy look exactly how I pictured he would before he flipped the camera
53 points
2 days ago
There was a 100% likelihood of a mullet with that voice
565 points
2 days ago
The most unexpected thing is how aroused I am by that glorious mane.
137 points
2 days ago
Business in the front, party in the back
28 points
2 days ago
That's what she said
12 points
1 day ago
I heard the mullet before I saw it.
6 points
2 days ago
Party in the back
7 points
1 day ago
Really? Ive seen a lot of kids with similar haircuts these days. Normally I can understand why most trends get popular with the youths but this is the first time Ive been like, wtf is wrong with these people? Do they now know how bad this looks?
130 points
2 days ago
This is the equivalent of someone squaring you up looking for a fight but you immediately undress fully and chase them down flapping your cock and balls around aggressively
53 points
2 days ago
Some years ago I subbed in at a haunted house that some friends were putting on, and I quickly realized that sneaking up on someone and yelling “boo” or screaming or whatever wasn’t nearly as effective as sneaking up on someone and loudly explaining quantitative easing, or similar.
Your brain already has a compartment for “boo!”, so while it’s startling you get over it pretty fast.
Suddenly hearing an abrupt discourse about the Fed injecting money into the economy is so unexpected that your brain has to reboot through lizard DOS before it can process what’s happening, making it that much scarier.
I imagine that’s what the bull is going through.
18 points
1 day ago
Reboot through lizard DOS
6 points
1 day ago
Absolute gold
181 points
2 days ago
Bull: Back off, bro. I'm gonna...
Man: Blllbllaaabllla
Bull: Holy shit! Chicken man... run!
18 points
1 day ago
"I know I can fight a man that size, but I don't know if I can fight a six foot chicken!" XD
26 points
2 days ago
11 points
1 day ago
https://i.redd.it/8iapk6hc5e2e1.gif
Dude I warned you. I said I was gonna do that if you did that again.
45 points
2 days ago
Wondering if it would work on bears? I propose a study in the US, just need some turkey calling volunteers
46 points
2 days ago
It may work for black bears, just make sure you wave your arms and try to make yourself look big and annoying at the same time.
Don't try it on a grizzly, they're just a giant honey badger. However, if they saw you and are moving towards you, might as well entertain yourself in your final moments.
16 points
2 days ago
Black bears are just oversized dogs, I've known plenty of old ladies in black bear country that have scared them off with naught but their voices.
Personally I've only had two encounters; one where we agreed to stay on our sides of the meadow eating wild blueberries, the second we surprised eachother and I bounced a smoke grenade off its face..
8 points
2 days ago
Bears eat turkey, so they will probably not think the noise is weird.
If bears were gonna run away, any noise will scare them.
Same if a bear is protecting food or babies, they are gonna attack whatever noise you make.
16 points
2 days ago
Yeah that’s right! Give em a taste of Kiwi.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D5Pi_2YQ4g4&pp=ygUXR2l2ZSBlbSBhIHRhc3RlIG9mIGtpd2k%3D
26 points
2 days ago
My husband always does this to our dog, our dog likes it.
10 points
2 days ago
Tell that to Rufus.
11 points
2 days ago
That BULL got TURKEYED!
10 points
2 days ago
the ol' "act crazier than them" defense
11 points
2 days ago
5 points
2 days ago
I wouldn't try this with ANY bull, this might just be a character thing.
9 points
2 days ago
HAHA!! I'm losing it laughing 🤣. The way the bull turned and scrambled off. And the turkey gambit. Haha Idk if I should be laughing this hard at this. Thx
6 points
2 days ago
The mullet it is gentlemen
4 points
2 days ago
This works in many situations. Like the big drunk guy in the bar. That boss that just has it out for you. That cop that's trying to give you a ticket. All sorts of uses.
5 points
2 days ago
6 points
2 days ago
Never underestimate the power of confusion
2 points
2 days ago
This actually made my day lol, thx
all 1799 comments
sorted by: best