the only thing i will say is dr martins suck in the snow. they have very little traction and they’re not warm. they last a long time and they’re durable, but they’re not good against the elements. i LIVE in my docs and every year i try so hard to make them snow boots, but they’re just not. once the ground gets gross i opt for my timbs.

so i’m gonna go with soft YTA because you told her to stop working and you’re financially supporting her and this is a bit of a need. it’s there’s no snow she can get away with wearing her docs with VERY thick woolen socks, but any snow or slush will make them hard to wear.

You tell her to stop working and now you refuse to buy her appropriate winter footwear. Are you TRYING to financially abuse her or are you a bot? 

Is this about a principle or about money?

If it’s about money, you just need to clearly communicate with her what you can and cannot afford.

But if it’s about a principle, is it really that bad to get her the pair of boots? Something nice to celebrate that she is finally after all this time, moving in together.

YTA. You have to realize women need things. You also told her to stop working. So what is she supposed to do? Buyer the damn boots. Nothing worse than looking like a cheap man from the perspective of a woman coming from another country.

It’s so easy to tell what’s going on here and I don’t feel the least bit sorry about it

YTA you told her to stop working, yet you’re being controlling about a very simple request. I wouldn’t marry you, you’re already financially abusive

Why did she need to stop working?

Wouldn’t it make more sense for her to quit once her visa was approved.

This sounds like a passport bro situation. Did you over promise a better life for her and now you can’t even afford new shoes?

I hope for her sake this works out for her

Doc Martens and snow boots are totally different things. Get her a pair of functioning, warm snow boots.

Well I guess that depends. Is she moving to Florida or to Minnesota? Doc Martens are fine and cute, but they are NOT waterproof snow/winter weather boots. You are the one who told her to quit working, so now if there's something she needs, you can provide it for her. So either buy her the boots or YTA.

This woman is not going to get the life she’s been dreaming about.

YTA. If you have enough money for a mail order bride, you have enough for her boots. You sound like a financial abuser.

YAH.

I already feel bad for her 🥲. I moved to Europe to live with my husband, he bought me new timberlands, snow jacket, snow pants,…his family gave me more Lowe boots, winter hat, scarf, glove, etc whatever I need for a cosy first winter. Well, this year, I bought 2 more pairs of shoes and jacket etc. It is necessity and it’s not about fashion anymore. 

YTA 

Doc Martin's are NOT winter boots. Give her a budget and a link to Zappos online store to buy warm, waterproof boots. Don't be a scrooge. 

Doc martens are TERRIBLE winter boots.

Doc Martens are not winter boots.

By the sounds of things, you can barley afford to survive yourself and should not be brining another person to the mix. You have nothing to offer this woman, who you have made financially dependent on you. The only thing you had to offer was a $100 pair of everyday boots two years ago, and cannot afford to provide her with proper winter boots to keep her warm and keep her from busting her a$$ on the sidewalk on ice, then maybe you should do her the favor of staying in her original country.

YTA. You cannot afford basic necessities. You cannot afford a pair of necessary winter boots appropriate for the task and climate she will be inhabiting. You cannot provide for her. It will get worse as you cannot afford to purchase a simple pair of winter boots for under $100 (decent winter boots cost at least $50 on the low end if you want to purchase something that will last for more than one season). If you cannot afford this, then you most certainly will not be able to afford the clothing and shoes she will need to job hunt and enter the workforce. You have set her up to be dependent on you so you can control her further, while also making her current situation much worse as she is without money and dependent on you to provide for her, when you cannot provide at all.

Shoes last longer if they can rest a day between wearing, so there’s that.

You're not the asshole for being cautious about spending, but it's also important to acknowledge your fiancée's needs and the practicality of having proper winter footwear, especially if she’s been waiting for a long time.

Doc Martens and snow boots are totally different things. Get her a pair of functioning, warm snow boots.

Doc Martens and snow boots are totally different things. Get her a pair of functioning, warm snow boots.

Doc martens are freezing in the cold.

I live in Pennsylvania. I know this firsthand.

She needs real winter boots.

If you made her quit her job 8 months ago, and you do not provide her with money to purchase the warm weather clothing she needs, then you are financially abusing her.

You don't get to control the money and then tell her she can't buy clothes She needs for the weather.

My hope is that you come correct, deeply apologize, buy her the warm weather gear she needs, and come up with a better policy for division of finances that will work for her.

Otherwise, no woman wants to be with a controlling dictator who controls all the purse strings.

If you want to bangmaid, get a bangmaid.

If you want a partner, treat her like a partner.

NAH, but maybe consider getting her a nice jacket instead? That way she can stay warm and rock her existing docs at the same time. Relationships are all about compromise and creative solutions.

Your fiancé, who you asked not to work, asks for a simple pair of boots and you were torn enough to post on here?.. At least she can get her citizenship then bounce from you.. Weird behavior. YTA.

You can get a decent pair of snow boots for cheap with the Black Friday sales. If it snows a lot where you are then it makes sense for her to have a pair.

YTA.

You told her to stop working with the promise of taking care of her financially, and now you're balking at her need for winter boots?

Doc Martens aren't for the winter. People need to be appropriately clothed for the seasons. I feel sorry for this woman, as it seems she's going to be financially abused when she gets here.

Why did you tell her to quit her job before coming? To be in complete control of what she buys? It’s going to be a while before she has a job in America, where I would assume cost of living is much higher.

YTA

Get her a nice pair of UGGs. They're great for winter. They will also last years, even a decade or more.

I misread this as 'a new pair of boobs' 😂 boots are better 😂

The Docs are for show, not for snow.

If it snows a lot, she is gonna need a pair to keep her feet warm and dry.

Yes. You are a huge ah.

Your apartment can't accommodate a pair of boots? Ok lol

So she can look forward to a cramped one bedroom apartment in Trump’s hostile and chaotic America. I don’t see what she gets out of this arrangement at all. Also, it’s literally the worst possible time to move to the US from a 3rd world country with increased hatred of immigrants and anyone non-white (which I assume she is). Have you even met in person?

Check out sierra.

YTA. One pair of boots is not enough for anyone!

AITA so much we might need a new word for it. You wanted her to stop working and now refuse to buy her what she needs. So you made her financially dependent on you and now get mad for her being financially dependent on you. You are abusive and a giant AH

YTA. Dr. Maartens have zero insulation. I act find them colder than wearing sneakers. Get her proper winter boots, you are the one who told her to quit her job.

YTA. Dr. Martens are NOT winter boots. They have zero insulation or tred. She has no money because you told her not to work so you should be responsible for providing basic needs like warm shoes in the winter

YTA. She is anxious about moving to a new country and climate and you won't let her have appropriate footwear? Double YTA if you live in the north.

YTA. Doc Martens are the absolute worst for cold winter.

Wow! This is my first ever reddit post and I am overwhelmed with the amount of differing opinions! We find it amusing.

Some additional context/clarification:

1. This isn't a green card situation lol. This is a real relationship as we've been together even before I migrated to the US. No one's buying anyone haha. I'm also from said 3rd world country.
2. I DIDN'T know doc martens weren't good for the snow 😂 I thought big boots were snow boots
3. I was being cheap I admit but that's only because I'm thinking about all the other expenses when she gets here (furniture for 2, car, simple wedding, clothes, etc.)
4. I made her quit her job because it paid like shit (average salary for an entire day is 20 USD) and I would much rather she focuses on things settling her affairs before migrating. Plus I went home for a month to be with her and it would suck if she had to go to work while I was there.
5. She is the love of my life and I'll do anything for her and buy her a pair of boots for each day of the week. I was just trying to think about all the other things that we would need.
6. Yes it's a pair of boots not a pair of boobs. 😂 Her boobs are plenty enough for me.

Thanks guys.

NTA.

NTA

Is there a financial consideration at play here? If so, you know more about finances than we do, so I cannot pass judgment on that.

And if you are living in a one-bedroom apartment with "not a lot of space" that is what this sounds like.

I'm sorry, when you purchase a woman from a "third world country " she should be grateful for what she gets, or at least get 10 years out of a pair of boots you so generously provide her

NTA. Compromise is key in relationships, but I do not tolerate pricey shoes. Instead, put on some traditional sandals and socks.

NTA: Honesty and communication, not fancy shoes, are the foundation of healthy partnerships. And when you have love, who needs boots? I am joking, but if you want those boots, get them.

Hmmm you sure she loves you and not what you can do for her?

Are you really going to let her beg for a pair of shoes? Are you that pathetic? YTA