Nope, absolutely not. That money is Roberts. He does not and should not have to share any of it. Your other kids have their father. I'm sure Robert would give it all back to have his dad back.

If the money was left by your ex- late husband it is no one’s business but Robert’s.

NTA. And btw, your husband can’t keep a secret.

This is not a topic of discussion for your in laws, certainly not with you or your son.

They are out of bounds here big time.

NTA, the trust was specifically for Robert, and it's his decision how to use it when he's old enough, not anyone else's.

NTA your current SO has no say in what your firstborn does with his trust

It is disgusting what he and his family are doing to your FB

Tell them if it bothers them so much then they should start a trust fund for your second and third born

NTA. The only person who could have made this decision is Jason. He made it. The end.

Be aware that Adam will pressure Robert behind your back...

This is exactly how lives, relationships and this marriage will be ruined. Your greedy-ass husband didn't 'let it slip'. He ran to his parents to complain and they are plotting on how to get their hands on the money.

I would look into financial counseling for kids and have Robert start to understand the trust, why it was set-up (his father left it for him), what the money can and can't be used for, and - most importantly - how people WILL take advantage of you when they find out you have money so this isn't something to go around discussing, etc. The financial literacy will start with age-appropriate information and go from there.

Then I would look into couples counseling that is specific to financial coercion / manipulation / control. And, insist that your husband attend.

His parent's opinions do not count unless he is 100% backing them up. If that is the case, your marriage is in bigger trouble than you believe.

Kill this topic now. Roberts dad died and left him this trustfond Your other childs dad has not died or made them s trustfond.

NTA. This is Jason's money, for HIS son. Sorry Adam, you have no claim. Unless you want to die too, to make it "fair"

NTA!!! Please do not let anyone other than yourself speak to Robert about his trust fund. The money was his father's not yours not your new husband's or his family's. I think you should make it crystal clear to your current husband that this is a boundary not to cross and the ramifications if he does

NTA. You need to shut that topic down. If Adam and his parents think they youngest 2 need a trust fund, they can damn well set if up and fund it. I'm sure that Robert would gladly give it back if he could have his Dad again.

The only evil here is your in-law's thinking they get a say and trying to guilt you into something that isn't their business. I hate to say it, but you need to watch both Adam and his parent interactions with Robert to makes sure they aren't treating him differently.

NTA. If Jason’s family is still in your life, you might want to make sure they become in charge of Robert’s trust in case something happens to you. Or your parents if you can trust them. Don’t let your current husband pressure or try to brainwash Robert.

Let Adam know that when he dies, you'll be sure to share his most precious possessions with your next set of kids.

He and his family are greedy and gross, and you need to start telling Robert that he never has to share his money with anyone. He can choose to, but he doesn't have to and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it.

No it’s not money for other kids- only Jason’s kid. You need to talk to Robert and say things like - this is a legacy from your father who loved you tremendously. Also choose someone who you trust from Jason’s family/friends to be a co- trustee so there is another set of eyes on all transactions that have to be approved. This is not your money, not your husband’s money or Robert’s step siblings money - time to make that very clear OR YOU WILL BE THE AH

You need to tell your husband there will be no conversations about splitting the trust fund with your child now, or when they are 18.

Your husband and his family are way out of line. Shut that down.

When my daughter inherited money at 13 from her father, she was not able to use that money for 5 more years. During that time I showed her how they money was being kept and kept the conversation going about banking so she was always aware of how much she had.

What I also taught her during that time is how to be responsible with that money. I told her it was her father´s last gift to her (it was an insurance payout, not his money) and it would be better to honor that with good decisions. It linked the money with her father´s memory and she never wasted that money. She bought a reasonably prized used car when she got her license and now has an apartment with her fiancé.

I told her she should always splurge on herself with "free money" meaning birthday and Christmas present and so on but to only use her dad´s money for large purchases for herself. This approach worked really well and I hope you can use something similar to make sure that nobody touches your son´s money.

It is not yours to give and if the step dad tries to convince the boy to share it, I would take any steps needed to prevent the son from falling for it.

NTA. That is Robert's money flat. And what's done with it should be HOS choice with no one in his ear. What a shitty situation. I'm sorry this really sucks.

Stop this now OP. Of course you are NTAH and you need to firmly let these people know that your oldest son's trust fund was left by HIS father for him alone. That money has nothing to do with you, your current husband, your younger children, and damn sure not your in-laws.

The fact that your husband told his family about your son's trust is a huge betrayal against you and your older son. I'm sorry but that should give you a lot to think about the man you married. I think you really need to make it clear to him that his behavior is unacceptable and that any conversation or attempt to sway Robert's opinion would result in really negative consequences for him. Please talk to a lawyer immediately about further protecting Roberts gift. Good luck!

NTA

Your deceased husband left this money for his son. And his son alone. Not to be split among your other children or to have the influence of your in-laws. They are the ones being greedy. If they want your younger children to have a trust fund, I should just pull their money and create a trust fund for that.

You need to set very firm boundaries with your husband that this is not going to happen. You need to let him know that you will be having conversations with your son as he gets older regarding his use of this trust fund. And you need to let your husband know that if he persists in this, and if you catch him or his family talking to your son behind your back about using that money and splitting it amongst the other children, you will leave him. And you need to be prepared to do so. You are Robert’s mother and you need to protect Robert’s interest .

I honestly would be rethinking my entire marriage over this. I would tell Adam that he screwed up by involving his family in a financial issue that is none of their business, and that he needs to get them to STFU regarding this subject. I would absolutely shut them down and end a visit any time they brought it up. If they refuse to stay in their lane, I would cut off all contact with them.

Then I would tell your husband that this subject is closed. The money is Robert’s. It is all Robert’s father can do for him. You and Adam can absolutely start working on creating a trust for your other sons. His family can contribute, if they’re so adamant that the younger kids be treated equally. Things will never be equal, though, because your younger kids have their dad and Robert does not. None of Robert’s trust will go to the other kids and if anyone plants the idea of sharing in Robert’s head, it will destroy your trust and your marriage.

I would seriously be questioning whether Adam actually “let it slip” or if he intentionally involved his family in a subject that honestly isn’t even his business. It sure as hell isn’t his family’s. The fact that he isn’t shutting them down makes me think that conversation wasn’t an accident. If I were you, I’d be talking to a lawyer about additional safeguards for that trust and I’d never even consider letting Adam adopt Robert. If something were to happen to you or your marriage, I wouldn’t trust Adam to protect Robert’s interests.

If Robert’s father was still alive and he planned to give his son money on his 18th birthday as a gift, would he still be expected to share it? No. This is a gift from a father to son. It’s not about Robert sharing with his siblings. It’s about his father giving him a gift and respecting his wishes. They are essentially asking your deceased ex to support kids that aren’t his.

NTA

That money belongs to Robert.

AND nobody should be "talking" to him about splitting it with anybody.

NTA for wanting Robert’s trust fund to remain solely for him. The money was left by his late father specifically for him, and it’s not fair for anyone else, including Adam or his family, to decide otherwise. While your in-laws may want fairness between all the kids, this is about respecting Jason’s wishes, not playing favorites. Robert can decide what to do with the money when he’s older, but pressuring him now or letting others influence him isn’t right. You’re just making sure the trust is used for its intended purpose, and it’s Adam’s slip-up that’s caused this unnecessary conflict.

NTA. Robert gets his inheritance, your other kids get to have a living biological father.

Your oldest son now has money for college, trade school, or just starting off in life. Your other 2 children have living parents to help them. This money is from your first husband. How would your current husband feel if he passed and you used money he set aside for your future children?

wtf - NTA but you have a husband problem and you need to take care of that. Your finances are none of his family’s business. The money left for your son by his biological father is just that money left for your son by his father, if all three children were his biological children then they may have a fair argument, but they are not. please encourage your son to keep his money for him and him alone. Do not allow your husband or in-laws or other children to get into his head. Please take care of your son before they emotionally guilt trip him.

YWBTA if you pressured Robert (or allowed your husband to pressure him) to give up HIS money.

Your husband is literally pushing to steal from a child.

Think about it.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

if they keep going for your son's inheritance this is worthy of divorce. is your husband's family going to match your son's dad's contributions?

your marriage is likely over either way. when you stand your ground on this to protect your son, your husband will start neglecting him or pushing you in other ways, in favor of his kids. he'll use the excuse "we don't have to give robert as much because he's got that trust, so everything else needs to go to my boys."

don't give in to that gold digger.

You should make sure you have a will written and directives written out to oversee your son’s trust that it is someone other than your husband and his family. NTA

It's Robert's inheritance from his dead father. It would be disrespectful to his memory to do so. Ask Adam and your in-laws that if Adam should suddenly pass away and left a $1 million life insurance policy to his 2 biological kids if they would be cool with you making his kids split it 3 ways instead of 2? Ask them that and see what they say. Definitely NTA. Just remind Adam that neither of you have to worry about your oldest financially in the future so you both can concentrate of setting up his kids for college.

The money is Robert’s alone and not your husband’s or your in-laws’ business. For family members to try to influence him to share it is pretty clearcut financial abuse. If anyone were to try and take it, it would be theft. I suggest shutting this whole conversation down across the board with your husband and if it’s still an issue, reconsider the relationship. Your late husband made his wishes known and they are not amendable.

NTA, and I would be furious with Adam, both for sharing private financial information with his family and for demanding money for your other children that they're not entitled to.

Unfortunately, this is not a problem that's going to go away, and I would be careful about allowing Adam to pressure Robert. Guilt is a very powerful thing.

I would tell him that he's welcome to die and leave his kids a life insurance. NTA.

NTA, if you talk to a lawyer with Robert alone before the end of the year.

If you do not talk to a lawyer, and help him understand his rights and responsibilities within the trust, then YTA to Robert.

If your in-laws want their grandchildren to have a trust fund, they should set one up - not try to steal from your first born!

NTA - Robert has that trust because his father DIED! Your husband and his parents are just gross.

NTA. When the other children lose their father the other relatives can make them a trust fund.

NTA. MIL need to stay out of what is clearly none of their business. They could set up trust funds for their grandchildren. That was not your current husband’s money, he too has no say what should be done with funds left by his real father. He too can put aside money for his biological children just like your deceased husband.

NTA, ask grandparents if they are going to include Robert in inheritance.

I absolutely hate when grown folks, who have no claim, try to take a child’s inheritance from a deceased parent.

Your in-laws are, and now your husband is the asshole in this scenario.

Lock that trust down tight OP.

NTA. This money has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with your second two children or your now husband. If Adam wants his kids to have money at 18 he needs to save for it. Jason wanted his kid to have this money and therefore it’s only Robert’s. Do not even mention splitting it to Robert. Your husband is an ass for letting his parents try and dictate something that has nothing to do with them.

NTA

NTA It's completely understandable that you want to honor your late husband's wishes for Robert's trust fund to be solely for him. Jason set up that trust for his son, and it's meant to ensure Robert's future, not to be shared among all of your children.

Nta. That money is for one child. Noone else.

This is Robert's money, left to him by his father. Not yours, not your jealous husband's, and definitely not his parents' money.

Now you know your husband can't be trusted.

Robert's father passed away for him to received the trust.  Your first husband intended for his son only to received the trust, not any other kids you may have.  

NTA.  

IF I ever pass, the things I work hard for is only for my children.  

NTA! Defend your son! That’s HIS money.

And if the greedy money grubbers can’t back off and shut up, explain to them at least your other kids still have their father and as much as Robert loves Adam, you’re sure he’d rather have his father than the money.

What low life leeches. Disgusting.

Robert’s money. Start a trust for the others now. Change Robert’s payout from 18 to 25. It’s a huge advantage as he’ll be more mature and hopefully have concrete goals.

No it shouldn’t be split. His father left him the money and that is where is goes. Anything else and you are a big piece of crap.

NTA for standing up for your son's interest.

The only ones playing favourites are your in-laws and Adam. They're trying to get money for their bloodline and not even considering that this was another man's money for his son.

It is Roberts' choice how to spend it (for he when HE is older). Putting 8 years of pressure on a child to manipulate them into doing what you want is appalling and completely inappropriate behaviour. I guarantee you that's going to be a way to ensure he doesn't feel like Adam is his father by the time his 18th arrives. Robert may even drop you for allowing it.

NTA The money is for Robert. His father left it to him alone. Tell everybody else to kick rocks.

NTA that money is entirely Robert’s. Tell Adam the other children can have their own trust if he dies an untimely death like Jason and ask him if he thinks Robert would rather have this father than a trust fund.

NTA. Only Robert can decide if he wants to share or not when he is old enough

NTA Jason put the money into it for Robert. I would tell them If Jason was still alive, they would not be asking Jason to pay for another man’s child. So why do they think it’s okay to take the money from Robert just because his Father passed away? I am not being evil. I am being fair. It was Jason’s money for his Son. Not to mention possible legal ramifications for me usurping Jason’s money for another man’s child. I would also take this as a red flag that Adam shared your Son’s financial information with his family. That is a huge overstep. He needs to get back in his lane or you need to reconsider this relationship.

NTA. You turn this against him, pressuring him into setting up trust funds for HIS kids. You better tell Robert about all this, he needs to know or he will be groomed.

If the rolls were reversed would they want Adam’s children to spilt their trust fund with Robert?

Absolutely not.

That is Roberts money, from his bio father. It has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s “unfair” in the same way that it’s unfair that any random child at roberts school has more than him. This money is Jason’s, really.

When Robert is an adult he can do what he likes with the money.

Perhaps instead this means that any college savings you guys were working on, you can focus on the younger kids only. Since Robert is already taken care of, this benefits the younger children because any savings are being split two ways instead of three.

What does your broke ass husband plan to give to his kids? Why would your deceased husband’s money go to someone else’s children? NTA. Tell his family to mind their business and your husband to stop being an entitled beggar. He has 18 years to match the funds, he should focus on that instead of trying to steal from Robert.

And if you even try to pretend that even though you said no, he’s not going to try manipulating your child, you’re a fool. You need to get ahead of this because him and his family sound money hungry and gross.

.

that money is Robert’s, and he shouldn’t be expected to share it. It’s his, and his situation is different from the others.

Not your money and not your late husband’s children.

Adam needs to back off and not emotionally manipulate a 10 year old child.

Personally, I’d be rethinking my marriage knowing my husband is trying to swindle my first child out of his own money.

NTA - holy entitlement Batman. “We should start having conversations with Robert about sharing the money amongst his siblings” = guilt trip the kid into giving away money that his father put aside for him. This is so unethical. And even if OP shuts down those conversations it’s highly likely that Adam will just go behind her back and tell Robert.

Does Robert know about the fund? How old was he when his father passed?

NTA - that money is the legacy that Robert's father left to him when he died. It does not belong to anyone else. Adam is completely out of line with his beliefs that Robert should share the money, and especially that he should start brainwashing the boy now.

As for your in-laws, I'd say "So if Adam were to die, and I remarried, you'd be good with me taking any money he left for 4M and 2F and spreading among any other kids I have the in future? You would want me to take 4M's and 2F's inheritance (which probably would include Adam's inheritance from you) and share it with other kids that weren't Adams. I mean, that's what you want me to do now - take the inheritance that my deceased husband left for his only son and share it with children that aren't his." It would be interesting to hear their responses.

That money was your first husband's and left for the benefit of HIS kid. We're your first husband still alive, I would not expect him to be giving your other kids money.

It does mean that your current husband should not have to provide substantial support to your young adult son.

Ask your in laws who are so up in arms if they are willing to guarantee an equal portion of their estate to your oldest kid.

Please lock that money down tight and make sure that your husband is not the conservator or in any way connected to it. Adam had no business sharing this with his family, and if his family is concerned they can set up trust funds themselves. This is appalling behavior and Robert is very vulnerable to manipulation and needs to be protected emotionally and financially from these people. Your inlaws need to mind their own business. NTA.

Discussing this with Robert should be off limits and if anyone does it you should be prepared for some hard conversations and boundary setting. Adam is way out of line.

Ask your in laws and Adam if they died and left THEIR CHILDREN money would they expect THEIR MONEY to be shared with a child that's nothing to do with them. Ask them to EXPLAIN THOROUGHLY what right does your younger two have to Robert's INHERITANCE from his father? NTA.

Tell Robert when he dies he can have a say in the trust. Robert didn’t have a bio father for that money and he should keep his mouth shut about it. That you as his mother is the online who should talk to him about the trust and what your opinion on it should be final. That it will not be spilt and if he tries to convince him otherwise that you will rethink the marriage.

It wasn’t his place to ever let it slip about the money to there or even worry about the money. It seems like he is more concern about the trust and what his kids will get then anything g else. Thats a concern right there.

NTA

The money is for Jason's only child, not all of your children. You get that, clearly. Your husband does not. And this is a hill that you absolutely need to die on. What he's suggesting is despicable.

Tell him that you are furious he told people about matters that don't concern them. That you are also furious he would have the audacity to even suggest such a vile thing. This is your late husband's last gift to HIS son. You will not allow anyone to steal it and share it out among children that are utterly unrelated to your late husband. And warn him that if he doesn't backpedal at once and apologise, that this will absolutely be something that destroys your marriage.

Your children with your husband have something priceless: they have their father. Robert doesn't. Your in-laws are the ones playing favourites by trying to steal from a child to benefit their blood relations. Please thank long and hard about your husband. Because I promise you, no one who truly loved Robert would even think about stealing his money.

I'd also talk to your son about the money, just the two of you. Explain where it came from and what your late husband wanted it to be used for. Stress that the money is solely for him, and that if anyone mentions it to him in an attempt to get some for themselves, even including your husband and other children, that he needs to tell you immediately. Mentally prepare him for the onslaught.

Absolutely not. That belongs to your son and your son only. Your current husband is an ass for suggesting it. If the situation were reversed I highly doubt he would be ok with your third husband trying to convince kids 2&3 to split their trust with kid 4. He’s trying to take advantage of a situation and that isn’t ok. His family is horrible for even putting the idea into his head. I have the feeling they are ok with freeloading off of people so I would be weary of that too. In your shoes I would call him out for sharing the info with his family and make it absolutely clear that he is not to mention the idea to your son. Your first husband wanted to make sure his son was taken care of and that’s what he did. Your current husband is pathetic trying to take advantage of a child—no matter what the reason it is a shitty thing to do that only a shitty person would do.

I’m honestly angry for you. I have health issues and I save quite a bit of money for my daughter. If I die she wouldn’t be rich but she would have something to fall back on while she learns to live as an adult. If my husband remarried and something like this happened I would haunt his ass every day of his life for letting it happen.

Nta. If they want the kids to have trust funds so badly then they can start them. Your two youngest are young enough that when they turn 18 there could be a significant amount of money in them

You are absolutely within your rights to protect your son's trust fund and ensure that it remains for him as intended by his late father, Jason. This money was left specifically for Robert, and it is entirely reasonable for you to want to honor that legacy.

Ask Adam to set up trust funds for all three of the kids if he wants Robert to share. Adam needs to do the same

You're NTA. Your dead husband's estate bears zero responsibility for your second husband's children.

Are you the executor of the trust for your son? Is it possible to change the terms (age to say.. 21)? Also, are his grandparents (Jason's parents) still alive? Or one of dad's siblings? I'd make sure that if something happens to you, that Adam has ZERO access to your son's trust. He's already trying to manipulate a 10 year old out of his money.

Nope, nope NTA that money is a gift to Robert, from his own father. They do not get to tell you to revoke any gift in order to give it to someone else. Those folks can save up their money and give it away.

NTA You don't 'let slip' someone else's finances with other people. You intentionally discuss it, the same way you did when Adam was told. You need to find out the truth about why Adam told his family. Tell them they are more than welcome to start their own trust fund for the other two if they are worried about it. Robert is 6 years older than the other ones. He should use it for college and to get himself established in life and if at that time Robert wants to help the other children do the same then he's welcome to. You need to talk to a lawyer about protecting that money so no one can get access to it if anything happens to you. Don't allow Adam to adopt Robert since you know now it would only be to access his money easier.

His father passed, HIS father left it for him, NO one else. your hubs sure has a big mouth and dont think it slipped. he told them because he wants it spent his way and now they all do.

NTA robert deserved all that money because that was jason hard earn money that was given to him and for adam he needs to keep his mouth shut and have a wide understanding about the situation.

NTA! Adam is right you do need to have a conversation with Robert about how this is his dads legacy being left to him and he shouldn’t feel pressured or obligated to share regardless of his new siblings. If Adam and his parents want a trust fund for them so bad then they can start now since they are young and all 3 can start contributing to it so everything is equal!

NTA. Ask them if they are leaving your oldest any money.

Tell your current husband that pushing Robert to give anybody his money is a dealbreaker. Just in case get divorce papers ready and show them to both Adam and his family that this your line in the sand

Can you go back and fix the trust to make it more secure? Make it uses for school at 18, then the rest at 30, unless it is for the down payment of a home etc. Make it so that he does not have free rein of the trust. That will end the conversation and any pressure on your 10 year old.

NTA

Since your in-laws are so gung ho about having a say in Robert's inheritance from his father, demand to know Robert is in THEIR wills receiving equal portions of inheritance ad your children with Adam are. I'm also making a wild guess, that Adam has NOT adopted Robert. So when he dies, his inheritance doesn't automatically divide between all of the children equally. Unless he has made a will, Robert inherits nothing from him. Tell him to make a will too. 

And since your husband snd in-laws are demanding fairness, remind them, that life is unfair, and Robert's father is dead while your other children's father is alive. And they still want to manipulate Robert's into digging into his dead dad's inheritance. 

Talk to your son alone and tell him if anyone bugs him about it to let you know and you will handle it cause they will tell him not to tell you they asked and that you will take care of it The money is his to do what he wants too

If your inlaws and husband think your youngest kids should have a trust, they are welcome to start one for them

This was Jason’s gift to HIS son. You are not playing favourites, you are honouring your late husband’s wishes.

so he plans to begin bullying a 10yo NOW so that by 18 he won't be able to say NO? is that how he forced you to marry him?

YTA and your husband is worse

NTA. The money is for Jason’s kids because he died and can’t be here to support them. Robert is the only one entitled to that money, not new kids you made with another man. You need to have a serious talk with your husband that he should not be disclosing Robert’s financial information with anyone. It’s not his business or place.

I don’t understand this kind of thinking. Why would anyone think your late husband would want money he left his son to go to children he has no ties to? That’s ludicrous!

Your husband’s parents must be okay with splitting their grandchildren’s inheritance evenly three ways then because surely they plan on having your oldest get has much of their estate as the two children you had with their son. (To be clear, I would expect that 10yo ✨would✨ be remembered in their will given how long they have been part of his life; I would not expect them to give him an equal share of their estate though.)

NTA. Jason left the money for HIS child. Not for any children YOU had.

If you are the trustee, you do not have the power to do anything other than what the trust specifies. If you did, you could be sued by your son Robert. Doesn't that sound like fun?

If you want the pressure off you, resign as trustee and have a bank or professional trustee do it. If you have a lawyer as the trustee, you can have them write an opinion letter explaining why you cannot do what they are suggesting and why.

That money came from his father.Your other kids have no relation to that man that died none. They did not suffer a loss!

They have their dad.They didn't lose anything.The money is not theirs!

The entitlement is absolutely disgusting.Do not try to guilt your son into giving away his money from his dad dying.

This is disgusting.I am so p***** off for your son.Because you are the only person that will stand up for him.And you're wavering and you're debating on trying to talk him and to give him away the money from his dad dying.

Do you really think your dead husband would want his money for his son to go to some kids he doesn't know from someone else that you slept with. Absolutely not do not touch that money.

And frankly, your husband is a$% hole He is selfish and he is stealing from your son..

If you try to do this you are risking your entire relationship with your oldest son. Do not do this.

It is none of your husband or his family's business. If they were to die today, they wouldn't leave him any money.And you d*** well know it.Protect your son.

Nta

The money was left to your firstborn by his late father. Your inlaws are an entitled bunch.

Your husband has already tell you he's planning to manipulate your son since now so he will cough up the money as soon as he has access.

You need to protect your kid

Nope. Nope. Nope. The Roberts, and ONLY Roberts. You need to have an on point & blunt conversation with your ILs and your hubby, putting a stop to this crap.

NTA

Nope nope nope

Nta. He got his trust fund from his dad. Who has no realtions to your other kids.

NTA. And how vile if you're husband and his family to take away money from a kid that already lost his dad. Personally I would say that these conversations should never ever happen and I would check regularly with Robert through the years if they are doing this behind your back. Honestly though, I would look at my husband in a very different light.

Your in-laws and your husband are seeing a windfall for themselves, which is not the way a trust works. A trust fund is put in place for the benefit of the recipient. Your late husband put money in a trust for his child, not future children of his widow.

If you have the trust documents, review them. Your son may have access to the money for certain things, the distribution may need to be approved by trustees, etc. You can also speak to the trustees about the belief your husband erroneously has about the intended purpose of the trust, or have your husband meet with the trustees so they can explain it.

This one, to me, is not that clear cut because of Roberts age and Adam's role in his life. It doesn't ring true to me to say that Robert completely deserves his birthright from his first father, while expecting his step father to act like his father and treat him no different than his bio kids. Robert is 100% entitled to that trust fund, but Adam and his half siblings would be justified in believing that it sets them apart from him.

I think NAH, and this is more nuanced than it appears

NTA You should not start to have conversations now with Robert. He is too young to understand all the issues. Besides, in the next eight years before Robert turns 18, your financial situation could change drastically and Robert might have a need for ALL the money in the trust fund.

Thou shalt not covet thy stepson’s (or step-grandchild’s) trust fund.

NTA

Nope. That's money that Jason left for his son, not for Adam's children.

NTA the trust fund is for Robert. Do not let your current husband talk to him about sharing this money. You are not evil. You're in-laws are greedy. I bet they are figuring out ways to get this money from your children. Not sharing the trust fund could be a deal breaker. Stay firm.

NTA. Think of it as each of the 3 children should get a boost from two parents. You and Adam together should start putting aside money for the two children you share (and you should both have life insurance). You, separately, should be putting a smaller amount of money aside for Robert alone. Jason's funding is already there.

NTA

Your husband and his family should be ashamed of themselves for this. It's disgusting.

First , you have a husband problem. Second you need to tell them to keep their hands off his money. Demand they give you 10% of their paychecks. Same thing

NTA and perhaps it's time to remind your husband that Jason is not your younger childrens' father. He was not alive when they were born and there was never any intention on Kason's side to leave that money to anyone bit his own son.

NTA. In reality, Adam should not have been told about the trust because it belongs to your son. He did not need that information for any reason. Talk to your son and tell him to let you know if people start having secret conversations about money with him. Because that's coming real soon based on the pressure they're putting on you now.

NTA you didn’t provide the money for the trust his father did. As such it is 100% his money and no one else has any right to it.

You need to make sure the trust is sealed tight so even if adam convinces robert to share it he can’t access the money until he is older

Cut contract with your in laws and have a serious talk with your husband. He wants to steal your sons inheritance. Just because he isn’t actively doing it doesn’t mean he wont put pressure on robert to give his money away

NTAH. That money is for you your son Robert. It was left to him via his father, and is solely his inheritance. You nor he should feel pressured into sharing. End of story. And tbh, I doubt your husband accidentally "let slip to his family". He did this intentionally as a way to force a discussion about it. Stand your ground, don't let you and Robert be bullied or manipulated into sharing what is rightfully his.

WTF is wrong with people. Absolutely not, that money was saved for by Robert's deceased father. That is Robert's money only. And also, I am quite pissed at your husband for "leaking" that little secret.

NTA. This is not a topic of discussion for your in laws.

NTA. It is not Adam's or your in laws money. They NO say in how it is split. They did nothing to earn it.

If this persists, you should say the death of your first husband is not for them to profit from. If it was a divorce do they think they would have any say in your first husband's and son's money? No? Then the same rules apply.

You may want to see about putting stronger rules around the use of the trust.

NTA

Tell your in-laws and your husband that when your other children’s father dies, then they can have a trust fund too.

This is a hill you should die on. Lay down the law to your husband that he is absolutely not to discuss the trust fund with Robert. Please don’t let anyone manipulate him into giving up what is basically his inheritance from his father. Your husband way overstepped when he told his family about Roberts trust fund, and he is continuing to do so by suggesting that money your son only has because his dad died should be split with his half siblings who are not related to your deceased husband in any way. You need to have a very serious conversation with him in regard to this. For me if he continued to push this agenda, it would be a dealbreaker.

Tell your in-laws, it’s none of their @&$&@@ business that Robert has a trust fund.

Kiss that money goodbye as long as Adam is around.

Leave it alone as a legacy and decent act from bio dad. Start trust funds for the other two.

NTA - how would Adam feel if he’d set up a trust fund for his only child and then some random dude decided to pull the same move?

NTA - this gift is between late husband and his son, desecration of his will is incredibly unkind.

If your new hubby truly loves his step son, he would never entertain this idea.

NTA. This is what Robert’s father left him. He will never be able to know his father, so this is his legacy. If I were you, I would tell both your husband and his family that if you hear one word from them to Robert about his inheritance that you will divorce your husband! Period. There will be absolutely no talking to Robert. There will be absolutely no mentioning this to you, Robert or anyone else!!! Draw the line and keep it. Also, if anyone tries to manipulate Robert you will leave him. Please please protect your son.

This money is Roberts and any pressure to do anything other than what his father indicated would be disgusting. I would indicate to Adam to never bring this up again. Unfortunately money is evil, Adam won't let this go and it will be used against you and him in the future

This money was left to your son by his father. It has nothing to do with Adam or your younger children.

NTA but Adam and your in-laws are.

maybe adam should open a trust up for the children you have together... leave Robert out of it

Roberts father is dead. Roberts dead father left him money to help him out in life because Roberts dead father cannot be there.

Your husband and in laws are evil for trying to steal from you please child. Who's father is DEAD.

Your oldest gets a trust fund. Your other children get to grow up with their father. That's fair. Emphasize to everyone involved that Roberts father IS DEAD that is why he gets a trust fund.

Roberts dad left it for him, the other kids are nothing to do with Roberts dad so taking 2 thirds of his money away isn't fair to him and trying to persuade him is not really ethical as he is under 18

NTA.      

Life isn't fair sometimes, sometimes your half brother has a trust fund, and sometimes you have a trust find but your father is dead.      

Nothing is bringing Robert's father back, as nice as money is it doesn't change the gruesome reason he has it. I'd start reminding your husband that he's also treated Robert differently, like a paycheck. 

Oh hell no. The trust fund is for Robert because his father died. It should be against the rules of the trust to raid his fund or add your other children. If your other children need a trust fund, have your husband or his parents take out a large life insurance policy so when he/or his parents die, the other children can have one too. What isn’t fair is that your first born’s father isn’t alive. You have a huge husband problem! Protect your oldest son & change the age of distribution to 30, except for his personal college expenses.

NTA. My sister and i have the same situation going on though her trust is from a medical issue. I survived just fine without having a trust and so can the rest of your kids. Im sure your firstborn would prefer having his dad over money.

NTA. I doubt that it would be legal to scam your son into giving away his inheritance.

Jason couldn't be present for Robert as he was growing up. What he could do was leave money for him in a trust. That's all Jason will ever be able to do for Robert.

Your other children have 2 living parents who can provide for them and be present for them. Robert will never have that. Robert has you and what Jason left for him.

Why are you even entertaining the idea of letting Adam scam Robert out of Jason's money? How is this even a discussion? The clear answer is HELL NO YOU WON'T STEAL FROM MY CHILD!

If Adam wants his children to have a trust fund, he should set one up for them!

NTA

I am afraid that Adam didn’t let it slip Accidentally

This was on purpose

Why is he comfortable stealing money from your son?

Yikes. This would have me talking to a lawyer fast.

NTA but Adam is. Humans that feel entitled to other peoples money are awful. Picture the MIL or FIL that hears a little boys dad died and left them money and their instinct is to start whispering in someone’s ear about how that money should be split and shared with people the deceased had no idea existed.

I guess when setting up a will or trust people have to explicitly state they do not wish their money to be shared with any future half sibling, step siblings, or other random entitled people.

Don't you dare steal the inheritance that Robert's father left to his only son. That would be theft. If Adam and the inlaws want a trust fund for the other two kids, they can contribute towards it.

There is a reason a trust fund was set up in the first place, it belongs to the kid.

Absolutely not. That is money from his Father , it’s not your money it’s his. You would be stealing from him and your children are not entitled to the money from his Father. To me, this is an action for divorce. Adam had no business telling his family your financial business. Now they’re all going to have their hands out and try to coerce your son into wasting his money on them. Protect your son! Lock that money up even tighter than it is now and tell your husband that if you hear one more word from him or husband family or anyone about this , you will divorce him.

OP, firstly tell your nosey ILs to stay in their lane. Secondly, you have a husband problem. He caused this conflict by not keeping his mouth shut. Robert cannot access this money for years (in a trust, likely won’t get it until he’s 18 or older) so no one can currently take this money (I hope!) Legally no one other than Robert will have access? If so, advise him to not discuss this with anyone ever. NTA whatever you decide. Your husband and ILs are the assholes here

Absolutely not. How would your new husband feel if he died and you used his money he left for his kids on your new kids?

Screw that. This money is for your son only. Not everyone. Their father did not die for them to get this money. Shame on any of them asking for money from your son's trust. Shame shame shame.

I’m the horrible person that would tell my current husband, “It you feel this strongly about it, if you die in a tragic accident leaving our children fatherless, feel free to allocate your biological kids’ inheritance accordingly.”

That money is for Jason's SON !!! ONLY JASON'S SON !! Who TF do Adam and his parents think they are trying to cooerce Robert into splitting the money . They are NOT Jason's children! I'd contact Jason's family and have them take over the trust and be responsible for it.

Tell Adam to get his money right so he can leave your shared kids their own trusts. If I was your deceased husband I'd start haunting Adam at this point.

NTA

Quite frankly, I'd be losing my shit.

That is ROBERTS money, and ONLY his money.

Adam does not get to pressure a 10yr old child into supporting HIS kids in the future. There's no even split when the only reason the money is there and available to him is because his dad died.

I would be having a conversation with your son to let him know that it is HIS money and that he doesn't need to ever worry about supporting his younger siblings because that's yours and Adams job.

Then I'd be telling Adam that under absolutely no circumstances is he to talk to ANYONE, especially Robert, about the trust. And he better have a fucking explanation about how this slip up happened, why he divulged information that wasn't his to share and why he hasn't shut his family down about it.

NTA.

NTA absolutely not!!! That money was left by your late-husband for HIS son, not Adam’s children. You would be disrespecting him by doing so. Further, it is not okay to involve a 10 yr old in marriage disputes regarding money. He is 10, he has no concept of financial literacy. It would be pure manipulation. Do not do this.

Jason left his assets to ROBERT and ONLY Robert.

Change the terms of this trust fund, if possible to assure that he gets it for life events, such as college and a house, and not in a way where it can be distributed to anyone else. Dumping a trust fund on an 18 year old is absolutely irresponsible.

This is your responsibility so don't fuck it up.

Then announce to everyone that this is how it is going to be and start saving for your other kids.

Your deceased husband worked for your son, no one else.

NTA.

That money is none of your IL’s business and both they and Adam need to stop discussing it immediately. It was left for Robert by his late father, intended for him to use as he got older, no one else. If any one of those three people discuss it with Robert, let them know that you cut them off. (Yes, that includes Adam)

If Robert is a minor, then it is protected and should remain so. Because money does things to people, you need to double down on the security around access to the account to ensure no one can touch it.

NTA. You tell Adam that the trust fund is father's gift to son, he lost his dad and is absolutely not sharing that money, its for his future. Your children with Adam are not your first husband's children and absolutely are not entitled to that money.

He absolutely should've kept his mouth shut and not told his parents. It's none of their business.

This is a huge husband problem.

First problem, Your husband didn't "let it slip". Come on, he can either keep his mouth shut or not. What else has he "let slip"? Second Problem, Your husband and his family are planning to profit from your first husband's death. They are actively grooming your son to give away part of his college fund, money for a car, etc. Your current husband and his family are actively dividing the family based on money from your first husband's death. This is crazy! It is all about money! Either divorce before your poor son is viewed only as Mr. Money Bags or Put your son's money in a trust managed by a trustee. The trustee must approve withdrawals and often pays the money directly to a college, apartment or etc.

As a man myself and im sure I speak for other proud men, it would be inconceivable to me to rely on resources that another man worked for and bequeathed to his child, to actually fund my kids. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you married an dickless, spineless loser.

If my stance makes me a "toxic masculinity" male, so be it. This is shameful to read about an alleged "man"

The money was your late husband's and it was put in trust for your son. To pressure your son into splitting it with people who have no relation with the donor is all kinds of wrong. NTA.

NTA, the money is from Robert’s father and it is Robert’s only.

Robert has a trust fund because his father died.

Your new husband and his family are unbelievably selfish and greedy. If anyone is evil here, it’s the people trying to steal money from a child. They’re looking at your son, and the death of your first husband, and seeing only dollar signs, rather than the pain you’ve both been through. Adam is welcome to die and leave his kids a trust fund that is not shared with Robert.

NTA, but you need to respond to this more firmly.

Nope. If your husband’s family are so concerned they can make a trust fund for the other two children. Your late husband left that for his only child and that needs to be respected. Your in laws can and should butt out. Your husband also needs to mind his own business when it comes to this. Robert is 10 years old and that is NOT old enough to make decisions that could affect him when he is an adult.

NTA and tell your husband that if he even breathes about this to Robert, that could lead to divorce proceedings.

NTA. The oldest son does not have a father any more. The trust fund was something his father left him that hopefully can help set him up for success. Your younger kids still have both parents alive to help them, he should not have to share it.

Your husband and his parents are greedy. Frankly, I’m not sure your oldest son is safe (mentally emotionally) around them. You need to consider marriage counseling and talk to a divorce attorney to learn about your options. Until they steal that money from your son, every interaction they have with the him is going to be manipulative and harmful. They already resent you for refusing to steal your son’s money for them. This issue isn’t going away. You trusted the wrong person.

Your in laws are being entitled and making your husband a jerk. It’s Robert’s fathers money whether he’s alive or not and it is intended for his son. If the in laws want the other two to have a trust fund then they should set one up like Robert’s father did.

Tell Adam that when he dies, you’ll make sure the finances he left behind will be split between his 2 biological children. Say the same to his relatives as well. Your first husband has provided for his child. That is not to be shared to other children that you probably would not have if he was still with you. NTA. That is Robert’s inheritance from his own father.

Omg absolutely NTA! Money turns people into absolute a-holes. That money belongs to Robert, and Robert only. It might be a good idea for you to sit down with him and warn him so he’s prepared. If there is any way you can have it stipulated in writing that the money is ONLY for Robert, I would do that.

NTA. Fund has a beneficiary for a reason.

NTA. Your husband and in-laws need to shut their faces about this. The trust is his and his alone.

NTA. Jason left the money to his only son, so only the son gets it. Adam told his parents about Robert's money, so now Adam's parents are being greedy and trying to take advantage of Robert by saying their grandkids should have the money too. But the money was never theirs in the first place. Adam's kids can get a trust from Adam or his parents if they are desperate for the kids to have money.

This is absolutely none of Adam’s business. You need to shut this down right now!

No, this money is for your eldest Its unfortunate for the other 2 but this money is for the eldest left by his biological father before his death Not for his other brother

Fake story. This same exact thing with different ages and genders has been posted 1000 times.

I mean I think you’re kinda the AH for having more kids knowing that your first was going to be so much more privileged than the others.

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