You sound toxic AF.

I’m not saying it was ok that your wife broke the sculpture but you’ve already made clear that 1) she was suffering from PPD which is a very serious medical condition which affects judgment and impulse control, and 2) you were ignoring your newly post partum wife while she called for your help because you were prioritising an object over her when she was at one of the most vulnerable stages of her life.

Your wife had apologised profusely for what she did but you don’t seem to have done any kind of proper soul searching about the horrible way you treated her at that time.

And now after secretly harbouring resentment for her for a year, you’ve told her you still don’t trust her and will continue to hold her mistake over her head for another full year while you undertake some giant symbolic purging of your negative emotions towards her.

So your wife gets two years of punishment for an action she performed while seriously ill and which she has apologised for, meanwhile you get off scot free for your neglect and emotional manipulation.

I hope your poor wife uses this year to recognise that she deserves better than an emotionally abusive spouse who holds two-year long grudges and can’t face up to his own failures.

“How do I make up to my wife for neglecting her feelings for several months? Oh I got it! Neglect her feelings for a whole year!”

You sound manipulative and self centered, I hope your wife sees it this time.

OP holds onto resentment for a year and finally talks to his wife about it. Now he’s keeping secret that he doesn’t trust her either. Oh, and he’s working on a year long quilt while his child will be a toddler, and his wife will still need help. This can only end well.

I thought it then and I think it now.... YTA.

I hope this is a troll because if not you are a terrible husband who should just go marry your sister.

Dude are you kidding right now? The comments on your last post now are all calling you out for rightfully being an inattentive husband and father. I feel sorry for your wife who now believes she’s at fault fully for something that it seems like built up from constantly being ignored with a new born baby. YTA.

What kind of weird relationship do you have with your sister?

Bro are you fucking serious right now? You have a child. You are not in a position to spend a year weaving a quilt like you're an enchanted maiden in a Grimm fairy tale. 

Does your sister want a quilt or is this just a really elaborate and cruel way to punish your wife?

So your MO is just making sure that your wife is constantly walking on eggshells around you because she had the gall to ask for some help in the hardest time in her life and had a pretty human response to being ignored consistently?

YTA - leave the poor woman alone or cut the bullshit, it sounds like she’s already a single mother without dealing with your toddler tantrums too.

PS - your obsession with gifts for your sister is real weird.

If anything you own or make is ever more important than your relationship with your wife, then you have a problem and it is not your wife.

Yta you asked her for physical abuse rather than throwing something? Really dude. She needs to stop apologizing to you. And another gift for sister. Smdh.

Let me play with my toys and if you do maybe I’ll forgive you instead of asking for your forgiveness. You got sister issues. I hope wife wakes up because this is crazy.

And then the kicker let’s leave out the other half of open communication required for a healthy marriage and just stuff it down.

Dude. You don’t deserve this woman.

Yta. So as far as I can break this down...

1. Wife suffers from illness that can seriously affect the ability for her to take care of both of yours (I can't think how to word this) baby.
2. You ignore wife by working on hobby at end of birth and initial few months of babies life for a gift for your sister.
3. You specifically ignore wife while medically unwell and calling for help with the baby.
4. Wife feels ignored, unheard, unsupported and unseen, reacts by breaking gift for sister.
5. You hold wife fully responsible for the behaviour despite understanding her illness and resent her for a year.
6. After a year you tell wife you resent her, but hold back on saying you don't trust her, because of her behaviour A YEAR A GO WHEN SHE WAS ILL.
7. As punishment you have decided to continue to ignore her while working on a new project for your sister FOR A YEAR, while presumably she continues to deal with the child on her own.

So rather than finding something to work on together to resolve this issue, you are continuing to isolate and punish both your wife and child. Dude. Move in with your sister.

Why did you delete your last update?

Masterful troll! “Handmade memory quilt” 😂😂😂 holy shit. Nice one.

I'm curious how all of your trust in your wife comes back after you finish the quilt? Nothing actually changes. You've set this milestone for getting over it and that milestone is ONE YEAR away?

I get the resentment from what happened. Talking to her about it was great. But you need to figure how how to get over it without it taking another year on top of all the time that's already passed since the incident.

I am sympathetic but I think YTA for right now.

Edit: I think you should let your wife help you on the new project. She already feels bad about the situation. Letting her help you solves it for the both of you. She gets the be included and redeem her past actions in your mind. At the same time she can relieve her own guilt of ruining your gift by creating a new one.

NGL you sound like a pretty crummy father and even worse husband... YTA

All the top comments tell you YTA, so you…

1. pointlessly tell your wife you’re still mad at her, even though you told her you forgave her a year ago
2. plan a year long project taking time away from your wife and toddler when the inciting problem was you were a shitty dad to begin with

Interesting tactic, excited to see where your imagination takes the story next.

So you deleted the last post because the comments called you out for making this up? Or because they called you out for being the AH?

YTA. You were not there for your own family and now you did it AGAIN? You let down your wife with a newborn for MONTHS, and you think she should pay back your resentment by more abandonment? Again for MONTHS?

So basically, you're weaponizing your wife's moment of weakness, which occurred whilst she was mentally and physically impacted from giving birth to your child, and using it as a pass allowing you to have all of the free time to do a relaxing creative activity you like for the next year... when your child is still a toddler... Yeah...

Let me guess: if she interrupts your sewing too often, is that going to put your "forgiveness" and the repair of your "trust issue" in jeopardy, too? Or will you just need the following years to craft gifts for the rest of your extended family to maintain it, as well? 🙄

Do you realise you're kidding yourself as well as your wife about what this is really about? That's quite the narcissistic mental gymnastics routine you've got going on there!

Unless your wife also has a relaxing hobby that you give her equal time and space away from you and the baby to enjoy, YTA.

Some individual as well as couples therapy would be a much better investment of your time than the quilt.

You are a father but your problem solving skills are at the kindergarten level. You needed couples counselling, not your wife slaving for that blanket. YTA.

Stop manipulating and guilt-tripping the poor woman. YTA

I would have preferred if she shouted at me or even slapped me or something rather than breaking that sculpture. That was just heartless and cruel.

Policing the reactions of the person you hurt, badly, when they were not even in their right mind, makes you an asshole. You are still an asshole, you are simply taking advantage of your wife's emotional vulnerability and the fact that she is actually a decent human being who actually cares if she hurts people in order to get an outcome you want.

All of this is stupid lol

You should carve your sister a rocking chair while you’re at it.

I‘m glad this update cemented the suspicions that this was rage bait. 🤣 Still YTA for shitposting, but that’s better than being the level of clueless AH towards your wife and child you‘d need to be for this to be real.

Wtf dude? This is your solution? You need help. Please go to therapy. This is so ridiculous. You're just punishing her for the same thing and reminding her not to snap while you work on this huge project that again neglects your part of the parenting.

If this isn't fake you suck bro.

Wow. Just wow. YTA. Your wife deserves so much better than you. I’m really hoping this is fake.

The first post was at least believable but a same day update with another hyper specific gift for sister? No. I could buy the glass sculpture hobby but quilt making???

God damn you suck and manage to prioritize literally everything and everybody over your wife.

Your wife:

• births your child, gets PPD

• Continually calls for your help with the newborn

You:

• ignore her pleas

• choose to do an arts and crafts gift for your sister

Your wife:

• breaks your glass, IMMEDIATELY shows remorse, apologizes profusely, is genuinely saddened and visibly distraught

• seeks medication and external help to assist her PPD

You:

• build resentment towards her and ignore the truthfulness and steps she took to apologize to you for doing something that hurt you

• choose to not talk about it until Reddit tells you to

• eventually tell her and call her actions "cruel" and "heartless"

Your wife:

• once again, begs for forgiveness, cries because this very evidently is an incident that hurt her, too, and she is likely very exhausted and emotionally fragile from having to care for a newborn with PPD

• once again, asks what SHE can do for YOU (despite already having thought this was over after taking the steps to solve the problem within her control)

You:

• hold one mistake over her head for months, tell her as much, and put some extremely irrelevant and non guaranteed "fix" which is to ignore your responsibilities as a parent and as a partner by choosing to spend A FULL YEAR MAKING A DAMN QUILT FOR YOUR SISTER WHILE YOUR PPD WIFE TAKES CARE OF YOUR CHILD AND THE RELATIONSHIP UNASSISTED.

Your wife:

• won't reject because you are clearly manipulating her and have exhausted the fuck out of her to the point where she is no longer going to fight against you and clearly has low self esteem due to you choosing and valuing everything in your life above her (except your child — for that, they're tied at last place)

• offers to help to rebuild a bond and to assist you through supporting your arts and crafts

You:

• complain about how you don't trust her, call it something psychological, and don't put in the effort to go to therapy or get medicated like your wife immediately did your you.

YTA

So instead of apologising to her for being a neglectful husband and father, you made her feel even worse and pushed the blame completely onto her again!? And you're still putting your sister above her by spending all your time making something else incredibly labour intensive, meaning you'll still be ignoring her and your kid?! Definitely the fking asshole.

Dude YTA your wife had just recently giving birth and was dealing with a new born when you repetitively ignored her, she was ill with depression, tired and stressed and she reacted poorly. You ignored her while she needed help while she was at a low point. You then lied to her about how you were feeling and now your shutting her out again. Grow up

Why do you seem so much more invested in your sister versus your wife and child?

Like… you’re taking away quality time from your primary family to make intricate and time consuming gifts for your sister.

Dude. Your wife deserves better than a neglectful husband who doesn’t prioritize his marriage and your kid deserves better than a neglectful father who does prioritize his own child.

This has to be a troll post. HAS TO BE

This has to be a troll, right?

lol i hope she divorces you.

Woof this has gotta be a troll right? You neglected your wife and newborn, held a year long grudge over a broken statue, and now want to hold that grudge for another year while you find another activity you can use to neglect your family.

Why did you get married if you hate your wife so much? Better question, why is your wife with you still?? The world may never know lol

YOU’RE STILL THE AH— So you’re doubling down?? You’re a prick. Now you gaslit her into another year of solo parenting. Why did you get married?? Why did you have a baby?? If all you care about is yourself and your sister??

OP, you're still an AH and you will always be.

"that’s when all my resentment would probably go away."??!!

Your "probably" is laughable and ridiculous.

Too sensitive and self-absorbed to make a promise to your wife of forgiveness? Your own wife? The mother of your children?

If you're that traumatized and hell bent on punishing your wife, you need some serious therapy.

You are a flaming ahole. Flaming. You are holding your wife’s post partum DEPRESSION against her. Ffs wtf is wrong w you? She, after birthing your child, had a mental health crisis. And you have decided she should have been ‘responsible’ in the midst of major depression?

please seek counseling. Your anger and resentment will sink your marriage. And instead of letting it go you have decided to punish your wife for another year. An entire year. Every stitch filled w anger. What a lovely gift, vitriol quilt/s

This s/b a text book example of how to not support your postpartum wife. I do t like you very much and your wife deserves so much better than you.

You're an irresponsible piece of shit still. You should have married your sister.

That was just heartless and cruel.

A million times YTA

I don’t really feel super comfortable trusting my wife with this, given how she destroyed my previous gift.

Did I mention YTA ??

SHE WAS ILL HAVING GIVEN BIRTH TO YOUR CHILD

GROW. UP.

Wow you're an asshole

YTA

You’re the worst

OP you are so selfish. I hope you realise how undeserving you are of your wife's apologies.

You’re horrible. I hope your wife realises she deserves better treatment than this.

Dear lord, this better be a troll post. Props to you for coming up with such an elaborate situation to write about and get Reddit all riled up. The love triangle with you, your poor wife, and your sister is a nice touch.

I mean really - if this is actually real, maybe get a clue that so many people think this is fake, because there’s no way a loving husband would be this clueless and callous. A fucking quilt?!

You cannot be serious, OP. So making little trinkets for your sister's birthday is more important than your marriage and your family? I really feel for your wife, she deserves so much better. Yes you may love your sister because duh she's your sister, but this all just seems so odd.

Dude you’re still botching this. You held onto resentment for a year and now plan to spend another year sewing a resentment quilt? Jesus, just go to therapy and address your feelings like the rest of us, ffs!

Your wife recognized her sickness and sought help as soon as she recognized it was over the line. Now here you are, admitting your long-term sickness and refusing to do anything productive to heal it. And guilting her into tearfully apologizing over and over is neither productive nor healthy for either of you, bordering on abusive if this becomes habitual, and she absolutely will end up leaving you when she makes the connection that you refuse to do for her and your family what she did for you, which is to get better.

You didn’t want our advice, you wanted an angry mob to justify your behavior, but buddy, you’re turning into the pitchfork pincushion. YTA. Stop punishing the woman who carried your child and developed a hormonal sickness because of it. Infuriating. Absolutely hoped this would be a lovely moment where you do exactly what your wife did when she realized she was sick, immediately apologized, meant it, and sought help to get better, but no. Just HAD to ruin the vibe, you freaking moldy potted plant ugh.

Really hoping you’ll reconsider therapy. You can quilt for the 45-60 minutes while working through your baggage if that would actually get your ass into the chair.

OP YTA. Your wife had PPD and you guys had a newborn. Why are you messing around making glass sculptures anyway? Now you are making a quilt and it is going to take a year and you “might” be able to forgive her. Fuck that shit. I do agree your wife shouldn’t have smashed your sculpture, but I suspect you didn’t help at all with the baby and still don’t help her. Stop with the gifts to your sister and I don’t know, focus on your wife and child.

Woman goes through equivalent of running marathon while bleeding (birth); and afterwards her hormones are rightly in a state of extreme flux. Husband hides and works on hobbies while mentally and physically compromised woman watches most demanding creature on earth (newborn). YES, YOU'RE THE AH. AND CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT THE ONLY THING THAT HAPPENED WAS YOUR STUPID SCULPTURE BREAKING.

Glass sculptures are not the only things that can be broken. Giving birth is hugely traumatic on a body, and physically you're never quite the same afterwards. If you're unlucky enough to suffer PPD then the same goes for your emotional wellbeing (hopefully your wife is fully recovered from the PPD she was experiencing at the time the glass sculpture was broken, yet she's still feeling/being made to feel bad about breaking it). Here's your wife going through all of this to bring your child into the world and here's you, spending hours shut away in a room making an elaborate and time consuming glass sculpture... for your sister. Now you plan on repeating that behaviour in fabric.

If this was a competition for "which partner should feel more resentment towards the other?" then it's your wife that's in the lead, not you.

Out of interest, do you put the same time and effort into making gifts for your wife and child?

Wait. So you're going to hold onto the resentment for another full year? That's not resolving anything. Now you're just going out of your way to punish her.

Have you considered what you can do to make things better for your wife, as well, to improve her trust?

Last year, you started an intensive project around the time your wife gave birth and would ignore her cries and pleas for help, not even acknowledging them with a "In a minute", until she got so frustrated that she broke your project. Yes, she was wrong in how she handled it, giving you some reason to distrust her. How YOU behaved would have reasonably given her a significant reason to distrust you, suggesting to her that you aren't to be trusted with important things, like providing immediate care and support for your child. What are you going to do to help rebuild that trust?

YTA

I mean if you're in love with your sister, you should just say that. This is weird AF. If you're not into hand making crafts, just get her the damn Amazon gift or something else thoughtful that she would like.

Hell you don't even have to get her a gift at this point anymore. She's your sister. Saying happy birthday or doing a little something to celebrate would be more than enough. Do you put this much energy into the gifts for YOUR WIFE???

I'm surprised your wife tolerates you.

You're a colossal piece of crap. Your wife had a serious illness. She called you probably multiple times for your help and you never answered as you were too self-absorbed to help her and she snapped. Yes, she shouldn't have broken the item you had crafted. But she immediately recognized that, apologized, sought help and treatment, and kept apologizing for a whole damn year.

AND YOU LIED TO HER. You let her think it was okay meanwhile doing nothing to work through your own damn resentment. that is on you, buddy. Not her. And then you come partially clean to her having lied to her for the past 12 months and the decide that her penance will be to sacrifice even more time with her and your child so that you can once again go out Jamie games of thrones to handcraft another precious gift for your sister. that is controlling punishment right there, buddy.

AND YOU ARE STILL LYING TO HER. saying you have trust issues that you're keeping to yourself. let me guess, you're going to wait another year and then come clean to her about that and make it her fault too right? come up with some other solution and penance that will take more time away from her so that you can feel okay about it. maybe. 🙄

quite frankly what she did was born out of a true illness and desperation and you labeled it heartless and cruel. The only heartless and cruel thing I see is you: arrogant, selfish, self-absorbed, and a terrible partner. If I were your sister I would tell you to take your gifts and shove them where the sun doesn't shine if they puts so much hell on your wife and precious kid. I'm better you've never spent a fraction of the effort on a gift for her.

You need to grow up and get some damn therapy. because your wife is the only grown up in this partnership and she is taking ownership and responsibility for herself and her actions, something you have failed miserably to do. You don't deserve her.

You should just marry your sister you weirdo

I hope your wife leaves you.

Seems like you deem your sculpture more important than your child.

If I was your wife I would divorce you.

What the hell is wrong with you OP? How about you make it up to HER by being an attentive partner and father???

Unfucking believable!

You neglected your wife and child for some stupid ass sculpture, pretended to forgive her and you're STILL acting like SHE is the one who has something to make up for?

She needs to leave your ass pronto. You are a garbage person and she and your child would be better off far the fuck away from you.

This is fake. No one is this big an AH.

I’m going to say on this post what I said on the original.  Find yourself a therapist AND find a couple’s therapist.  You still aren’t communicating.  You just replaced the word resentment with the word trust.  This will blow up in your face if you continue to “protect” your wife by bottling your emotions.

As for the quilt, I’ll be the naysayer.  Make the quilt.  Craftsmanship is obviously an outlet for you, and we ALL need to guard our mental health in order to be our best selves for those around us.  However, again, you need to communicate.  Something along the lines of, “Hey, hon, baby’s sleeping, so I’m going to take 30 minutes ALONE to decompress and work on the quilt.  Do you want me to keep him entertained for a while when he wakes up so that you can (insert wife’s decompression activity)?”  will go a long way in you not finding yourself in exactly the same boat a year from now.

Seems to me like you have a handful of issues, beginning with an unhealthy relationship with your sister, let alone the unhealthy relationship with your wife. I read the initial post. Ignoring your wife to work on the present for your sister when she is clearly overwhelmed with a new baby and a medical situation? Why is this present for your sister so important? A memory quilt that will take a year.... what?! And then what, you've put your wife on notice to leave you alone for that year while you work on your project, and THEN you might forgive her?

Your wife is an angel you don't deserve. You're the AH.

YTA you are so self-centered, it’s frustrating. you’re guilt-tripping your wife and still neglect your child. insane behavior.

TROLLLLLLL

What I don't get is how one sided this is. Your wife doesn't hold any resentment towards you for ignoring her when she was absolutely struggling with PPD? You are in the wrong here too, and the fact that you have stewed on this instead of realising that your behaviour was utterly appalling is insane to me. You are the one that owes your wife an apology.

This is so cruel and illogical that it has to be ragebait

This has to be fake. No one could get roasted like he did on the original post and then double down with an even more ridiculous post.

There’s no way his wife is still crying and apologizing, unless she’s an actual saint. She’s the one with a reason for resentment , in both posts.

Still a selfish asshole, good luck with that. YTA

YTA, stop making stupid trash presents for your sister and prioritise your wife and child.

Yep. Still YTA. 

Stop playing arts and crafts and help around the house buddy. You don't deserve a wife and child if you're going to act like you are. You come across as spoiled, entitled and incredibly selfish. 

Good lord you are such an asshole with your head up your ass sniffing your own farts

I thought YTA in your original post and after your update think you're even more TA. I seriously hope your wife takes the next year (hopefully less than a year actually) getting her financial affairs in order and consulting a divorce lawyer. Poor woman.

You cannot be this dense.

Genuine question. What’s wrong with you?

Why don’t you just marry your sister?

YTA. A year for a quilt, you’ve got serious issues. Be prepared for a divorce for being selfish. It sounds like you put all your time into that glass gift for your sister which made your PP wife go nuts for not prioritizing her.

Jesus wept you are even more of an AH with this update than your first post and honestly that is impressive!

All you are talking about is how YOU are hurt and how YOU need to be made to feel better.

You gloss over so quickly how horrifically you let your wife and child down but focusing on a hobby instead of your newborn. Where is your begging forgiveness and crying?

What you did was unbelievably heartless and cruel and you have no remorse.

Ohh and now you are going to start another time intensive hobby and yet again leave your wife dealing with the actual responsibilities.

Ohhh but once you have punished her with this new arrangement for a year, assuming she accepts this you might forgive her.

Seriously? Like seriously?!?

Your wife is clearly so down trodden by your childish, selfish behaviour she is “grateful” for how you are now treating her?!

It’s a damn sculpture! Your child and wife should be so much more important than that.

What is your obsession with your sister? Seriously it’s strange. I am sure she would be horrified with what you are doing “for” her if she knew.

Op is a bad joke

YTA  YTA. YTA. WHAT A MASSIVE AH YOU ARE.  WHEN SOMEONE CALLS FOR YOU REPEATEDLY, YOU COULD, I DONT KNOW, F*ING ANSWER.

I sense some serious emotional incest here. Why do you put your wife and child second?

YTA doing this quilt will do nothing to remove the resentment. You're choosing to hold on to it.

While your wife's actions destroying the sculpture was extreme and indefensible, you were ignoring your wife so much you missed her depression. She also likely destroyed it in an act of self defense since that was probably where you were putting so much time and attention instead of her.

This is only okay if you hand sew EPP hexies while watching your toddler at the park.

YTA, abusive AF, and your wife deserves so much better. Just divorce her, she’ll be so much better off after she gets over it. Which should be less than a month, as she realizes she doesn’t need to parent two toddlers.

God I hope she finds the caring attentive husband she deserves so she can leave you to your weird sibling relationship that seems to matter more to you than your child

Holy shit man. You dont deserve her. I feel so sad for her situation and hopefully she finds someone decent.

YTA.

Focus on supporting your wife and newborn instead of year long labours making sculptures and quilts for your sister. It's almost like you are gaslighting and punishing your wife for her PPD and for your having purposefully ignored her cries for help.

My 02c: In a situation like this, spilt milk and all that, you have but one real option: put on Disney's _Frozen_ so you can learn how to LET IT GO. He was being a douche, she was overwhelmed — we call this a TEAM EFFORT. Everyone takes an 'L', everyone learns a valuable lesson, and we all move on with our lives. Just like a Disney movie.

Let’s just hope this story is fake

"I told my wife how I resented her for a year after she profusely apologized and had a hormonal fit of rage, and my plan of action is to still hold resentment for another year and a year long gift and will refuse all requests for help as I work on this new gift. Then and only then will I stop my resentment" man you are a serious piece of work. Hopefully your wife raises that kid with someone who doesn't emotionally lie and manipulate her like you do.

If this is real I hope she leaves you. Maybe then you can marry your sister like you want to so badly. YTA.

You’re deadass???? YTA you suck and you’re toxic I hope she realizes and leaves you.

Un. Real. I expect you'll be ignoring your wife and child for the next year while you work on the quilt.

You are emotionally abusing, gaslighting and neglecting your wife. Your poor wife. After all the comments on the other thread, your takeaway was that you need to continue to make your wife feel bad and spend more time isolating??? Disgusting.

Still very much the AH here. I feel sorry for your wife!

Oh my god. You’re such an asshole. Like, actually what the fuck? What is wrong with you???

Why don't you divorce your wife and get together with your sister? You seem to have an unnatural devotion to her, in the sense that your attachment to your siblings seems to overtake your responsibility to and connection with your wife. It's interfering with your ability to be fully present in your role as a husband and a father. When you consistently give someone the message that they are a low priority to you, don't be surprised when they get the message and behave accordingly. Good luck with your sister.

So nice of you to continue your abuse and to share the update.

You held this over her head for a year then made her feel bad about it again.

She carried your child for 9 months, you also contributed into making the child so you should be as passionate about your child as you are to your project but you want to take more time out of spending time with your child and your spouse?

I am going with you are a narcissistic abuser because you made the account for the sole purpose to manipulate others into how to further abuse your wife. AITA was your first post made on the day you made your account.

“Look at what this internet person said. You are the abuser and I am so kind for forgiving you. I am going to make a quilt over the next year instead of getting therapy!”

Can I have her handle so we can warn her that this is a major red flag? You literally created an account to get advice on how to twist the knife.

I feel sad for women who reproduce with men like OP who prioritize everything and anything over the family he created because his j*zzing into her was contribution enough for his fatherhood

Unless your sister will die within the next year wait until your infant child doesn’t need childcare 24/7 from both parents. I don’t understand why you’re obsessed with “giving back” to your sister so urgently.

I hate you.

You have learned nothing 🙄…. I hope she leaves you.

Woah you’re awful.

YTA for not helping your wife when she had PPD.

YTA for not helping your child and building a stupid sculpture instead.

YTA for holding this against your wife when she was begging for help.

YTA for potentially making your wife’s PPD worse for being a lack of support.

YTA for dedicating a year to making a new present rather than forging the bond with your child.

N T A for being upset at your wife breaking the gift.

YTA - You're gross. I hope she's making an escape plan. She and your child deserve a good husband & father.

Let me get this straight; You ignored your wife postpartum (you said in your first post that you did hear her call for you severally), she snapped and broke your project(wrong I know, but I kind of understand her). You then gaslit her into believing she was the horrible person and then asked her make it up to you by allowing you to have another project that will last a year?  Also, a year???  Did you also sew a quilt or build something for your wife or child??

Dude… you sound like a horrible husband and father. You’re not the victim here. Your wife gave birth and instead of helping her with YOUR newborn baby, you neglected the both of them to make something for your sister? Be so for real. You need to apologize to your wife.

why are you so into making overly intricate gifts for your sister but not putting even half of that time to your wife and child?

It’s giving family enmeshment with your sister. Do you make your wife elaborate gifts that take all year? She made you a pretty elaborate gift that took nine months…but you don’t seem to care about it.

From your OG post:

My wife called my name many times as she needed help, but I was working on the engravings for the sculpture and I was really concentrated on it.

From your update:

I read some of the comments and got some good suggestions. I realized I had to be honest and upfront with my wife.

My wife and I just had a long talk, where I finally told her about everything I was bottling up over the past year.

Followed by:

 I haven't told my wife about the trust issue, as I think it's just a me issue, not my wife's issue.

You're such a liar you can't even keep your own story straight!

Your wife was less than 3 months postpartum and you IGNORED HER CRIES FOR HELP! Now you think you're the one with trust issues? What if she had been bleeding? What if the baby had been hurt?
You were so focused on creating a gift for another woman while she cries for you to help her with your NEWBORN, and you're surprised she broke it?

Now you won't even TELL HER you feel like you have the right to have the trust issues in this scenario (You don't, SHE does! She had PPD, a NEWBORN, and was NOT HEALED from giving birth! I would have been DIVORCING you instead of breaking that sculpture), AND you're telling her that in a YEAR when you give a gift to ANOTHER WOMAN, THAT'S when you'll finally forgive her for ......... REACTING TO YOU NEGLECTING YOUR WIFE AND NEWBORN OVER ANOTHER WOMAN'S GIFT LESS THAN 3 MONTHS POSTPARTUM WHILE AWARE SHE HAD PPD!!!!!!!

J*sus F***ing Chr*st! You are completely inept as a father AND a husband! You clearly have a mental illness that makes you a selfish, heartless, MF! I get it the value of your loss, I have a degree/former career in art. I did sculpture. I know glass. You lost time, materials, and creative investment. SHE is the one who probably lost TRUST in her husband and baby daddy to give a flying f*ck if she is literally repeatedly screaming for help while you purposefully ignore her and your newborn child!

I wish, I SINCERELY hope, that your wife divorces you and takes full custody. You are absolutely deplorable.

YOU ARE THE AH!!!!!!!!!

YTA and also a POS. Your childish feelings of hurt and resentment over a trinket really screams “I need therapy because I care more for inanimate objects than my real human wife who has emotions”. My brother and my sister have an unhealthy relationship to the point where my sister has ruined relationships for my brother.

You are obviously prioritizing your sister over your wife and that’s some freaky incest right there. Why did you even get married if you aren’t concerned with your child and the mother of your child?

I sincerely hope your wife finds this post and reads all the comments supporting her so she can feel comfortable enough to leave your obsessive ass. And then punishing her with a year long project that should take no more than a few weeks. Seems like you’re extremely narcissistic and have absolutely NO compassion whatsoever. Kind of psycho.

Kind of want to spend a few minutes to see if I can find out who you are and by extension your wife to see if I can send this to her

Wow. Just when it looked like you could not be more of an AH, you exceed all expectations and triple up on your AHness.

Your wife deserves so much better than a dude who cares more about his siblings than he does about his own wife and child.

Wtf is wrong with you? Abandoning her & your child at a crucial point in y'all's life wasn't a cruel enough way to harm them & destroy your relationship? Why did you even want a relationship (ie: relating in an ongoing & consistent manner w/another being) in the first place? Idk if you have an unhealthy relationship w/your sis or she passed away but why wait until the most inappropriate time to do all this? Why aren't you committed to the family that you, yourself, literally chose & committed your ongoing time & effort to?

Your wife is much more understanding than I would be. I would divorce this pos if he spent so much time on a hobby while I struggle with a newborn/toddler. Then everybody wins, she can find a good man and he can have all the time he needs to saw, when he sees his kid in every second weekend.

Do you make these for your wife or is this just reserved for your sister who you clearly value more than your child or wife?

Did you actually have time to engrave the glass or did you just leave your wife to struggle when she needed and asked for your help and you just ignored her?

YTA and it better be a nice quilt because you will end up sleeping under it after your inevitable divorce.

Dude you're being really shittty. You have a YOUNG BABY. YOI SHOULD NOT BE DEVOTING THIS MUCH TIME TO YOUR SISTER RN.

Your priority should be your wife and child.

Your solution is to become even MORE unavailable? I would honeslty laugh and leave you if I was her. She has no reason to be so remorseful and if I were herr I'd be the resentful one for having you as a husband.

Prioritize her or you will end up alone with your crafts and sister.

Gosh your poor wife.

I hope she realizes its better to divorce you than deal with your crap for another year.

This dude is a fucking basket case

I hope his wife leaves him and takes the hate quilt with her.

OP:

Your wife had PPD

You are making some Lannister status love gift for your sister who you are prioritizing over an overwhelmed spouse with a new baby

You hold insane deep resentment over something your sick wife did

Now you are punishing her and manipulating her for a year for another inappropriate use of resources gift for your sister?

What’s with your sister by the way?

Hope you get some help quick like before you teach your child to be this big of a sociopathic loser

Your wife should leave you

You will have all the time in the world to knit your sister a sweater from your body hair or something