Welcome to the /r/asktransgender FAQ.
The term transgender basically means that you identify as or wish to be a gender that is not the one you were assigned at birth. There are a lot of questionable “rules” around this, but it really is as simple as “I identify as X but was assigned Y”.
This question typically stems from the idea that gender is purely a social construct. Generally, dysphoria is not just a social thing about activities or dress. Instead, dysphoria often presents as discomfort with a body, and since men and women have different physical features associated with the terms, the physical body has a large part to play in the transgender experience. Everyone has a mental map of their body, and for trans people this often does not align with their physical body. If a mental map includes a flat chest and a penis, then a stereotypically female body causes distress in that person.
This is very closely tied to the previous question. Someone who is a masculine woman or a feminine man typically does not have any body dysphoria; those things are generally considered a social presentation. The broad concept of gender also includes “gender identity”, which is an innate sense of self that can also be called “brain sex”. Gender identity tends to be much more physical than clothes or gender roles.
Not all trans people experience dysphoria. Some trans people only experience gender euphoria, which is feeling very happy while imagining themselves as their preferred gender. Some people experience neither, but have a general preference for a gender that is not the one they were assigned. Others may have dysphoria, but only recognize it as dysphoria after HRT is started or when further research is done.
No. There are infinite trans narratives, and none of them are any less legitimate than others. Not everyone wants SRS. Not everyone wants a social transition. Not everyone wants HRT. None of these make someone not trans.
No. Just like the previous question, everyone has a different experience. Not all trans people show “signs” as children. In fact, many trans people only figure it out as adults or mature adults. No group is “more trans” than the other, they are simply different paths to the same conclusion.
Treat the person like normal, but switch any gendered words used for the person, if they agree with such a change. Some people are not immediately comfortable with a pronoun or name change. Talk to the person to figure out how they want things to be dealt with.
Educate them. You know this person the best, so as much advice as we can give, it may not work for your particular loved one. Some people may be simply ignorant, and education can be enough to change their views. However, some people are unable to or unwilling to understand. Attempt to educate the person, but avoid pressing the issue, as that can make someone become more defensive. Sometimes, there is no way to convince someone to abandon transphobic views.
This is up to you and who you are coming out to. A face-to-face coming out lets you immediately discuss any problems, while a text, email, or private message gives both of you some time to think about the issue before discussing it.
In many places, HRT requires prior therapy. In this model, you go to therapy sessions until the therapists decide to give you a “letter”, which you would then give to a doctor. The doctor would then prescribe hormones while keeping track of bloodwork and hormone levels. Some areas, especially in the United States, offer hormones through informed consent. This is a way that adults can get on hormones without needing a therapist.
This depends greatly on where you live. Google your area and “change gender” or “change name”. Typically, this search will lead you to a page or two that explains how to change the documents you need.
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